


We're Meant to Say Goodbye

by sweethaleia



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Anxiety Disorder, Artist Steve Rogers, Bisexual Tony Stark, Comfort/Angst, Declarations Of Love, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Gay Steve Rogers, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Not Beta Read, POV Steve Rogers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shy Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:28:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 60,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28004682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweethaleia/pseuds/sweethaleia
Summary: Steve is a former soldier in recovery from the traumas brought by the battlefield. He's also a photographer and a painter. When he leaves the Army, his best friend finds him a job at SHIELD, where the main model is the billionaire Tony Stark. Steve has no idea how this encounter is going to change his life.Tony may not be good for Steve's recovery with his endless list of scandals and issues. However, Steve is willing to give him a chance and understand the real reason for Tony's actions in the last four months.This may not be good for any of them. Or this could be the best thing that could happen for both men.Will love let them down? Is it worth all the trouble?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Peggy Carter, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 12
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone. It's been a while, hasn't it?  
> Be aware that we're going to have some heavy angst here.  
> Also, English isn't my first language, so I apologized for some mistakes you may find along the way.  
> Enjoy it!

Steve stepped out of what might be the fourth, maybe the fifth, company he had left a CV that day. He just hoped that he got lucky in any of them because things are not easy since he came back home six months ago. Steve only expected that those brands would check his portfolio, then schedule a job interview. He really needed to find a job. The ones he has been doing, well, it’s not like working for a brand company, where he would have his money guarantee in case anything happened. No, he has been photographing local events, sometimes, a wedding or college graduation, that’s all, even though the money was good, it wasn’t enough for him to pay the rent, the endless bills, the food, and to keep insurance. Although Steve didn’t get sick easily anymore as he used to when he was a child, he still preferred to have insurance just in case, so he was thankful that being a veteran meant that medical care cost lower for soldiers. However, that’s how Steve’s life has been lately, ‘just in case’.

The sun is setting on the horizon. The pink, orange, dark blue colors are starting to fill in the sky spreading its glorious rest of light on the ground and creating mysterious shadows on the corners of the city. That’s probably Steve’s favorite part of the day. Those melancholic sparks of light fading to give space to the stars were something that amazed Steve. He used to watch the stars when he was in the Army. He used to look up at the sky and admire them while he tried to clean his head from all the concerns that he might have had. He needed a clean head because the lives of other men were depending on his attitudes and decisions. So, that passage from the afternoon to the evening has always been a moment of reflection to Steve, a moment where he could let his thoughts flowing freely in his mind before all the discipline he had learned to have in the field took over him again.

He shook those thoughts away. Remembering his time in the Army was a hard thing. Steve thought that he could not be able to forgive the mistakes he had made in missions, the men he wasn’t able to save. Bucky would say that Steve always took too much on him, and maybe he did because he was the kind of man who took all the responsibility on him. Steve sighed, that’s exactly what he has been working with his therapist.

Steve looked at his side to catch the view of two swans in the lake in Central Park. The color of the leaves turning into red and orange matches perfectly with the sky in the background. The reflection of the trees on the water makes it seems like a fancy bloody carpet, where the white colors of the two swans were untouchable. A fragile smudge. A pure thing in the middle of a contaminated world and those swans are still able to keep their purity. They say that swans mate for life, and watching those swans together makes Steve feels lonely. That’s an odd feeling for him. Loneliness. Steve never thought of himself as someone lonely. Though, it was true that since he came back from the Army a few months ago, he has never had anyone. It’s not easy to be a gay fella in the Army, and Steve preferred to keep that piece of information confidential.

The blond took off his camera, positioning himself to get a nice, clear shot of that lovely scene. This was probably the last picture of the day to update on his Instagram and online portfolio. Steve crouched down to get the sparks of light reflected in the water and the fancy color of the trees where a couple of swans created a gorgeous spotlight. Perfect. Steve stood up, blue eyes fixed on the camera, his main work material nowadays, and a slight smile on his face as he shoved the camera in his bag and walked fast, not wanting to get stuck in traffic on his drive back to the Brooklyn.

Steve put on the helmet, mounting on the motorcycle, one of the things he actually owned nowadays. That motorcycle was with him since he enlisted in the Army, and Steve thought that, maybe, he would never get rid of it. That piece of metal carried so many, good and bad, memories, it had accompanied him during all his five years in the Army. Bucky’s used to saying that Steve is sentimental with things, and he wasn’t wrong at all.

It’s only thirty minutes from Manhattan to his apartment in Brooklyn. Well, their apartment since Bucky is still his roommate even if it’s only for a few more months now. The thought of his best friend leaving soon makes Steve’s heart clenched. They have always been together since they were kids, and Bucky used to protect him from the bullies in the streets, it was also Bucky who dragged his tiny ass home every time Steve got in a fight for something he believed it wasn’t fair. Steve had to suppress his laugh, not wanting to look weird for smiling randomly in public. Bucky has always been there, and he always will be, Steve reminds himself. Till the end of the line, right? That’s what they say to each other.

Steve got into the old building, the red brick ink was peeling. Steve wouldn’t be surprised if he heard that that building collapsed in the news. He just hoped he wasn’t there anymore. After all, since Steve’s mother died when he was eighteen, he moved in with Bucky, and maybe he got too comfortable to find a place of his own, instead, he stayed at Bucky’s place as long as possible, though Bucky had never complained about it. Plus, Bucky was buying his own house, which means he would leave soon, and Bucky’s place would turn into Steve’s place.

He turned the keys in the knob, stepping into the apartment and being welcomed with a deadly silence. Bucky hadn’t come home yet, or maybe he went to Peggy’s. Steve didn’t get to know since his phone had been discharged in the middle of the day. Shit, he really needed a new phone, how can he work with this one during only half-day? Steve connected the phone to the charger and entered the kitchen. He sighed longly at the sight of the pans and plates building upon the sink since breakfast, he’s very aware that it’s his turn to clean them up. Then he opened the fridge, however, instead of cooking, he decided to take a slice from the cold pizza inside the box on the microwave.

Steve gave it a bite, chewing the rubberized cheese and tasteless tomatoes on it. He walked towards the main table, and he opened his laptop. It took a while and some daily updates until it’s ready for him to be able to use the computer. Steve curses himself to have to use his greasy fingers on his not-so-new laptop. He uploaded the photos taken, first on his blog, then he published the swans’ picture, the last one from that day, on his Instagram, but he doesn’t post it right away. His fingers hover on the keyboard to find a nice caption, usually, it’s Bucky who helps him with it, even though Bucky always use clichés quotes using the argument that people loved clichés. Well, Steve can’t deny it since his most liked pictures were the ones that Bucky captioned. The blond runs his fingers through his hair, regretting immediately when he remembers his greasy fingers.

“Damn it,” Steve mumbled, wiping his fingers on his shirt.

The door opened, and a dark-haired man stepped inside carrying paper bags, apparently, their dinner in his left arm.

“Hey,” Bucky said, putting the bags on the table where Steve was, and coming around to stay behind where Steve was sat. “What are you doing?” Bucky leaned closer to the screen. “Wow, this pic is amazing.”

“I’m posting on Instagram, any suggestion on what should I write?” Steve turned his head to stare at Bucky. Bucky leaned back with his hand on his chin, thinking.

“How about ‘we found love in each other’ plus sparkly heart and swan emoji?” Bucky offered. Steve snorted.

“What kind of caption is that?” Steve raised a brow to his best friend. Bucky walked around to take their dinner out of the bags.

“You asked for my suggestion, Stevie, I offered one,” the dark-haired waved his hands in the air.

Steve shook his head, laughing, and typed exactly how Bucky told him. He put his phone down and watched as Bucky took out of the bags macaroni and cheese and some grilled vegetables, then his best friend went to the kitchen and came back with plates and cutlery. Bucky put a plate close to Steve and started to serve himself.

“Did you go to Peggy’s today?” Steve asked, already knowing the answer.

“Huh-huh,” Bucky said, putting a fork full of macaroni in his mouth. “Humm… Peggy’s food is wonderful.” Steve smiled, putting macaroni and grilled vegetables on his plate.

“Lucky you, then. Have you already proposed to her?” Steve said.

“Not yet.”

“What’s holding you then?” Steve asked curiously.

It was Steve who knew Peggy at first. He met her when Bucky went on a mission in Iraq, and Steve wasn’t sure if he would be accepted in the Army, given to his medical history that was terrible back then. However, Peggy worked in the Army office for a while until she decided to leave and open her own restaurant in Brooklyn. Peggy fully supported Steve in his decision of giving it a try. Fortunately, he was accepted. He trained for months over his limits, listening to the jokes of other fellas. Steve trained day and night, his muscles grow, he became stronger, and following an adequate diet plus daily work out, Steve was able to get rid of most of his diseases and show a high improvement of his health.

Then, he was sent on a mission to rescue a crew of soldiers held captive by a terrorist organization known as HYDRA. Turns out, Bucky was part of this same crew, and when they were back in Afghanistan, they went to several missions together, which one of them make Bucky lost his left arm. That was the end for both of them. Bucky was sent home, and Steve finished his period in the Army, getting back as soon as he was discharged from his duties.

Getting back home wasn’t easy for Steve, let alone Bucky who just had lost a limb. His friend was depressed, Steve was suffering from PTSD, they both have constant nightmares, all those aftermaths of their time in Afghanistan or Iraq. Steve dragged Bucky out to the opening of Peggy’s restaurant. That’s where Bucky knew Peggy and she has changed his life since then. Steve was happy for them, and Bucky was about to buy his own house along with Peggy, so Steve obviously was wondering when Bucky would propose to her.

“The perfect ring,” Bucky replied to his question, dragging Steve out of his reveries. Steve nodded in knowledge.

His phone chimes on the table and Steve takes it, seeing that Peggy, Bucky’s almost fiancée, liked his last picture and commented on a ‘nice shot’. Well, if it wasn’t for Peggy, they certainly would be at the bottom of the well.

“Huh,” Bucky drew Steve’s attention back to him, lifting his fork in a gesture as he spoke. “There’s this woman, she went to check in the new billboard for SHIELD Clothing in the marketing department. Natasha Romanoff, have you heard of her?” Bucky asked, but he didn’t wait for Steve’s reply. “Her photographer was fired for harassment, I guess, something like that. Anyway, I gave her your number.”

“You did what?” Steve blinked, incredulously.

“You’ve been looking for a job for months now, Stevie. Also, SHIELD Clothing is a good opportunity, you have to thank me if you got the job,” Bucky shrugged with a smile on the corner of his lips.

“I know. But I…,” Steve sighed. Bucky was right, he’s been unemployed for far too long now, and he was really desperate for a job. After all, this was his home too, and he could not let Bucky pay for everything alone, so whatever comes up from this, it might be a good thing. “Fine. You’re right.”

Bucky placed the fork carefully back on the plate, and leaned closer, almost as if to make sure he had heard correctly.

“What did you say?” Bucky asked with a smirk on his face. Steve rolled his eyes.

“I said you’re right, okay? I can’t let you pay the rent, the bills, and the food alone. So, it’s fine.”

“Well, we don’t exactly pay for the food since Peggy always sent dinner for us. Anyway, you know I don’t mind, Stevie,” Bucky argued. “I’m with till the end of the line, pal.”

Steve stood up, and collected his and Bucky’s plate, walking to the kitchen.

“I know, but I do mind,” Steve turned the tap on, and the water fell on the dirty plates in the sink. “I have an interview tomorrow. Whatever it will be, I don’t know, I’m going to job hunting again,” Steve rubbed the sponge on the white plates. He looked at Bucky leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed on his chest. The dark-haired sighed.

“SHIELD Clothing is a great opportunity, Stevie. I really hope Natasha calls you,” Bucky wished, and Steve knew he was sincere.

“So do I, Buck,” Steve stated, focusing on the pile of plates and pans in front of him. Bucky stayed there for a few more minutes in complete silence until he glanced up to the clock on the wall and decided it was time to get some sleep. 

“Good night, Stevie.”

“Good night, Buck.”

Sleeping wasn’t really easy for any of them. Sleeping lets them vulnerable in the field. Although, a soldier’s brain never shut down completely. Their eyes can be closed, but their bodies are well aware of everything that is happening in their surroundings. For most soldiers, if not all of them, nightmares were a real thing. Memories of their battles come at the silence of their mind at night to torment them, as well as missions that could go wrong and end up in fatal outcomes. Steve wasn’t immune from them, nor was Bucky.

Since Steve came back home six months ago, he’s been diagnosed with PTSD - post-traumatic stress disorder -, which was not surprising at all. He had heard of a lot of cases during his time in the Army, but Steve wanted to serve and he just had to get his chance, so he would fulfill it happily. Bucky was diagnosed one year ago as well since he came back before Steve. He was in therapy longer than Steve, so he coped better with nightmares than Steve did. The blond was also in therapy in the last three months. He finally decided to follow it after Bucky scolds him so many times for not getting help before. So, Steve was learning to deal with his PTSD, as well as Bucky, although Bucky has also been coping with phantom limb syndrome.

They were a fucking mess, Steve thought. 

Steve looked at his reflection in the mirror in the bathroom. He had bags under his eyes, which was awful for someone who would be in a job interview tomorrow. Steve threw the two pills in his hands into his mouth, swallowing the medication that allows him to get some hours of sleeping during the night. Steve hated being on meds, but he needed it now, otherwise, his mind wandered through dark places. 

Steve enters his not so neat, tidy room. He didn’t have much stuff, though. There was only a small closet, a nightstand where he keeps a lamp, a book, and a glass of water. He also has a shelf with books, Steve loves to read, but the most important thing to him was close to his small window with a fire escape where a glass filled with cheap brushes is along with the still closed inks spread all over the floor, and a blank canvas looking back at him every day. Steve painted since he was a child, he loved it, but a poor kid from Brooklyn couldn’t hold all his future in being an artist, instead, Steve got a student loan and coursed Photography at the Pratt Institute. He must have been a photographer for two years after his undergraduate before he decided to join the military at the age of 24.

Anyway, it’s been a long time since Steve’s last paint, and he missed it a lot. But the thing is he just can’t find the inspiration right now, instead, he photographed and hoped to get a job soon. His concern now is to get some sleep, he will have a long day tomorrow. Steve tugged himself under the sheets, and he’s snoring softly in a few minutes.

* * *

As usual, sleeping didn’t go okay. Steve woke up hours late shaking and covered in sweat. He reached out for the glass of water on the nightstand, bringing it to his lips. However, he can’t keep himself steady enough for the task and the glass shakes against his teeth as he felt the cool water going down his dry mouth, at the same time undoing the thick lump formed in his throat. It’s relieving, but not enough to drag Steve back to sleep. It never is, and never will be. The soldier puts the glass back and takes his phone, lightening the darkroom. The sudden glow makes Steve shield his eyes for a moment, blinking before adjusting to it.

04:32 a.m.

His interview is only at 08:00. It’s too early to get himself ready, so Steve stands up and passes a tank top through his head. He’s going to his daily morning run, a habit he can’t let go of since the military. It helped Steve clear his mind back then, and hopefully, it still does.

His muscles burn before the effort he’s doing, pushing himself beyond his own limits, sweat is dripping from his air, and his tank top is getting soaked quickly. Steve was a faster runner in the military, and he’s glad that his rhythm seems to be the same. He focuses on the burning on his calf, trying to push away the memories brought up by the nightmare. He shut his eyes to just feel the cold air of the morning on his face, making it easier to breathe. Steve wondered if someday he would be able to get a proper night of sleep.

His life wasn’t the same, and it would never be again. He knew it before he enlisted, but he insisted. He had seen what the military made to Bucky, and he insisted because he wanted to serve his country more than anything, he wanted to do it as his father once did. Perhaps, all of it happened because Steve always had had this faith in people. In individuals. He didn’t regret it, though, but he wished it was easier to cope with. 

Steve stopped, putting his hands on his knees to catch his breath, and he looked around. How much has he run? The sun is rising on the horizon. Hell! How long has he been running? Well, long enough the city starts to show signs of life again. People are starting to leave their homes to work out or get to work, cars are whirring in the streets, some kids are half-sleeping against the window of the bus. Steve ran back home.

Bucky was already up and dressed for work when Steve came through the door. The dark-haired looked surprised to see Steve in sweaty clothes at this hour of the morning, but he didn’t say anything. though.

“‘Morning, I made coffee,” Bucky pointed to the coffee machine whirring softly behind him. Bucky takes his bag, throwing it on his shoulder. “I’m gonna miss the bus.” Then, Bucky hurries to take his phone on the phone. “See ya.” The door slammed on Bucky’s back.

Steve waved his hand.

“See you,” Steve mumbled to himself.

He went to the kitchen, turning off the coffee machine, and poured the black liquid on his cup. Steve twitches his nose at the bitter taste of it. He usually splashes some milk on his coffee, but since they ran out of milk two days ago Steve hadn’t had the chance to go to the grocery store, and Bucky was way too busier than Steve. Steve prepared some scrambled eggs for him, again, Steve remembers he needs to do the grocery to get bacon. He makes a mental list to go get supplies as soon as he goes home.

Steve took a shower and put on his best clothes, he shoved the laptop and his portfolio inside his bags and got the keys to his motorcycle. The STRIKE Agency, a curious name for a marketing company, stays in the Queens, so Steve didn’t expect too much traffic in that area at 07:20 a.m. He had heard a lot about STRIKE, and how many people told him it was a terrible place to work and the money wasn’t good enough. It was the kind of enterprise that put a lot of pressure on its staff, and the ambiance wasn’t a healthy one, full of competition, and get a promotion became a kind of a legend there. Oh, Steve couldn’t forget the fact that STRIKE was being accused and prosecuted by many workers with allegations of racism and homophobia, which was really awful and unspeakable. However, Steve couldn’t be picky right now, he needed a job and he would get whatever comes up from it. 

The façade is sinister, and the logo mark with a red octopus was even more devilfish. Steve furrowed while he parked his bike. Maybe that wasn’t a good idea, now that Steve was there it doesn’t seem a good idea at all. There’s something about that place that gives him chills, and a cold shiver goes up to his spine.

“Hey! That’s my parking space!” Someone shouts, and Steve turns around to face a dark-haired guy with a beard to shave. Steve’s eyes fall on the badge around his neck. Brock Rumlow.

“I’m sorry,” Steve said, parking his bike in another space. “Rumlow, right?” The man nodded. “I believe it was you who called me the other day. I’m Steve Rogers.” Steve extended his hand to a handshake, but the man ignored the gesture. Instead, he turned around.

“Follow me.” That’s all Rumlow said before Steve followed him into the creepy place.

It didn’t go well. The man, Johan Schmidt has a different, radical, and intolerant view of the world, which makes Steve disagree with everything the man says. So, he left the place knowing very well that he wouldn’t be hired, and he regretted that he hadn’t listened to Peggy’s critics about that Agency. Steve felt that he wasted his entire morning in a place that he didn’t fit. Steve believed that everyone should have equal rights, that no race was pure or something. Of course, he would never fit in a place where black people were highly mistreated, women received less, and homosexuals were seen as sinful. Steve was raised by his mother, and she taught him better principles than that. Steve could never let her down. His mother accepted him like he is, she never even questioned him about it when he came out to her. Instead, his mother showed him love and affection, and she believed that Steve was strong enough to tackle this limited world full of prejudices.

His phone buzzed in his pocket when Steve parked in the Walmart. Bucky’s name appeared on the screen, and Steve knew he was calling to ask how the interview went, which makes Steve a little sad for not having good news to give to him.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve said, getting a basket.

“Steve, hey. How did it go?” His tone was anxious.

“Hum, not good. Peggy was right,” Steve admitted.

“Peggy is always right,” Bucky replied with a chuckle. Steve smiled, that was true, Peggy was good at reading people. “Did Natasha call you?” Steve frowned, putting two cartons of milk in the basket.

“Natasha?”

“Yeah. The director of the marketing/design department at SHIELD,” Bucky reminded him.

“Nops,” Steve snapped.

“I’m sure she will,” Bucky always tries to cheer Steve up. Sometimes, it worked, others didn't. Today was not one of them.

“Yeah. I hope so,” Steve said. “I’m getting supplies, will you be home for dinner tonight?” Steve asked, but he kind of already knew the answer.

“Huh, I don’t think so. I’m going to Peggy’s after work.”

“Okay. See you, then.” Steve answered, in which Bucky said ‘bye’ before the line stayed mute.

Steve went back to the apartment. There wasn’t much else he could do today. He surely would not be hired by STRIKE, but he still had spread his CV in some places, he could only expect that one of those agencies would call him. Or Natasha Romanoff, Steve read the name on the SHIELD Clothing website. She was the head of Marketing and models recruitment for the enterprise, born in Russia but speaks English better than most Americans. There wasn’t much about her life on the Internet, so that was all Steve got to know. He also knew she was the woman Bucky gave his contact.

Steve had spent his afternoon updating his portfolio, editing photos, and posting them on Instagram. He wasn’t popular on social media, but sometimes he got frustrated for having just a small number of followers. Some days he has the impression that he was talking with no one, besides Peggy who always liked all his pictures, and she even shouts out his account on her stories.

The soldier sighed a bit frustrated. Then, he smelled the air, his nose twisted with the smell of something burning--

“Holy shit!” Steve stood up fast, the chair falling on the floor behind him as he ran to the kitchen. “Shit! Shit!” Steve looked to the burned pasta. He had completely forgotten he’d left dinner cooking. “Ouch,” Steve threw the pan in the sink when he accidentally burned himself against the hot metal.

Smoke rises from the sink when he lets the water drop into the burned pan, which only worsens the smell. 

“No dinner, then. It’s fine,” Steve mumbled to himself.

He snapped his head back to the table where his phone was buzzing but before he could reach for it, the call turned off. If it was Natasha… The phone starts to buzz again and Sam’s name pops on the screen.

“Sam? What’s up?”

“Man, thank God you finally answered. I need your help, it’s kind of urgent, and you are the only one that can save us. Seriously, you’re my only hope,” Sam practically spits out. Steve grimaced, confused.

“Okay?” Steve replied, uncertain of what to say. Sam sighed.

“‘kay. Listen. There’s a huge event today, it’s beneficial to help war veterans. Anyway, the photographer Maria hired got sick. He can’t come, and you’re the only person I can think of, plus your pics are better, so, could you come over, replace him, and save this whole event?” Steve wanted to laugh at the tone Sam used, pleading with him to save them all.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Where is it?” Steve leaned down to write the address Sam was saying. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

Steve was there in twenty minutes just like he had told Sam he would be. Thankfully, it wasn’t a fancy party nor people were dressed in formal clothes. He dodged from a few men in the entry holding their glasses filled with champagne. Steve always felt like he didn’t belong to parties. He wasn’t very good at socializing or talking, he was more the kind of listener. However, his job today was to take pictures of everything happening here. He would pass unnoticed, or so he thought when a hand grabbed onto his shoulder.

“Hey, man!” Sam patted him on the back. “Thanks for coming.”

“It’s alright. I’m glad to help,” Steve nodded.

“You see Maria Hill there? Ask her for coordinates. She planned this whole thing, I’m sure she has a lot for you to do,” Sam said.

“Thanks,” Steve muttered after Sam spotted someone and went talk to the person.

Maria was a taller woman who exhaled discipline and dominance. She was in the Army for a few years, but now she worked at the FBI. Steve met her when he went to one of Sam’s support group reunion. Even though Sam and Maria weren’t part of the military anymore, they were always involved with beneficent projects, support groups, and getting help for veterans.

“Steve! I’m glad you could make it,” Maria said, kissing him on the cheek.

“So do I, Agent Hill,” Steve gave her a shy smile.

“Great. You’re seeing Fury with some other right there?” Steve acquiesced. “And our partnerships there? We really need pictures of them, they make a big difference supporting this event.”

As soon as Maria pointed at all people and places, Steve didn’t waste his time, he had work to do. He greeted Fury and took a few pictures. He walked around the place, taking pictures of the decoration, always looking for the perfect angle of lights that could favor the picture. He would edit them later and fix any mistakes. Steve was a good photographer, he could live photographing all his life, even though what he really wanted to do was painting. Being an artist was something far far away from his reality.

Steve walked towards the group of partnerships reunited in the garden, all of them had a glass of wine in their hands. Steve walked closer and closer to the light and stopped when he saw a profile. He had seen this same face today when he was searching about her on the Internet, that red hair was typical of her. What a director of marketing was doing here?

“I’m sorry to interrupt, can I take a few photos, please?” Steve asked when he approached the group. Grateful when all of them nodded.

His eyes fell on the red-haired, it was her. Natasha Romanoff. The woman Bucky told him about, the one he had given Steve’s number for a job opportunity. Steve aligned himself to take the pictures, the flash lightning the group’s face and making Natasha’s hair burn red on the pic.

“Thank you,” Steve said, turning his back to look over the pictures and make sure that they were printable, or didn't have any blur.

“Captain Rogers?” A voice called him, and Steve turned around aware of who was talking with him.

“Ma’am,” Steve said, holding the camera in his hands.

“I’m Natasha Romanoff,” Natasha extended a hand to Steve that he promptly accepted. “Director of Marketing, and also recruitment of SHIELD Clothing. Your friend James talked about your last time I went checking on the new advertising campaign,” Natasha explained.

“Huh-huh, yes. Huh, he told me about it,” Steve replied.

“You have a really nice portfolio, you know? The last one you posted yesterday, the two swans. An amazing shot. I was impressed,” Natasha said, and Steve couldn’t help but blush. “Pratt Institute, huh?” Natasha continued, a smirk on her face.

“Yes.”

“You’re a great photographer, Steve,” Steve mumbled a low thanks in response. Yeah, he knew he was good, but when people talked about his work openly he always gets incredibly shy. “Have you ever considered becoming a model?”

Steve snorted with laughter, his cheeks blushing with embarrassment.

“I guess I like to stay behind the cameras, ma’am,” Steve replied with a grin.

“That’s a pity. You could make money with this pretty face,” Natasha patted his cheek, and Steve was sure he was blushing in a scarlet tone now. “I sent you an e-mail this morning.”

Steve raised a brow, surprised, and he realized that he hadn’t checked his e-mail today.

“Oh? Sorry, I haven’t checked it yet today,” he excused her.

“Don’t worry,” Natasha said, stepping forward to take another glass of wine when the waiter passed close to them. She sipped the alcoholic beverage, then turned around to stare at Steve. “Bring your documents tomorrow.”

Steve opened his mouth to say something. Anything. But the words never made it out. Was it really happening? It all seems a dream, a really really good dream, the best he has had in ages. Steve’s mouth was slightly opened in surprise as he watched Natasha walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. This work will be updated on Thrusdays.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve paces back and forth, looking at the skyscraper in front of him. He might have been pacing for half an hour now, and his nervousness didn’t get any better. He still had another half hour before finally had to come in. Natasha said in her e-mail that he should be there at 09:00 a.m. She had also added a list of documents that they would need to hire Steve, which the soldier had separated carefully, and even made photocopies in case they needed any.

Bucky had gotten over the moon when Steve told him the events of the night. How he had met Romanoff in an apparently random event he wasn’t even supposed to be. She said she sent him an e-mail, which he verified on his way back home. It was almost certain that the job would be his. Well, the job was his, in fact. Steve couldn’t believe in his luck, even with Bucky repeating ‘I told you so’ over and over again. Steve felt like he could punch the dark-haired for being annoying, but instead, he just laughed. Steve was extremely delighted with the outcomes of the day.

However, he didn’t understand why he was so nervous, though. Steve has always been a peaceful person, even in the field, and mostly in the field since his men’s lives depended on his decisions. But here he is. The Captain feared what expected him when he stepped in. Natasha seemed a good person, exigent and critical yes, and she seemed a good boss. Steve thought he would not have trouble working with the woman.

Anyway, he couldn’t wait much longer. That was the first real job he was getting after being back from the Army. The first real interaction with people after six months of contact only with Bucky and Peggy, mostly. It was normal to be nervous to meet new people, he just couldn’t let it take over him. He was in the field again. A different, and less dangerous one, but it still had its battles to win.

Steve held the portfolio against his chest and fixed the bag he was carrying to a nice posture. He went straight to a counter where an attendant was on the phone. He waited patiently looking around the place. The lobby was large, it looked comfortable and modern at the same time. There weren’t many people there at this hour of the day. Steve supposed that everyone was in their offices, preparing and doing the models’ makeup for a day of photoshoots, getting clothes done, drawing new designs, ruling the new collection, or calculating the profit, this kind of thing. 

“Good morning, sir. What’s your name?” The woman suddenly asked, making Steve turn around clumsily.

“Huh. Steve Rogers,” he replied. He observed as she tapped and searched for something on the computer in front of her. Then, she opened a smile.

“Welcome to SHIELD, Mr. Rogers,” The woman handed him a card. “Marketing Department is on the 7th floor.” Steve nodded, murmuring a timid and low ‘thanks’ and walking towards the elevators. The doors opened, and Steve sighed relieved when he got in the empty elevator.

“Hold on!” Someone shouted when the doors were almost closing, and Steve made the favor of putting the folder in his hands between the doors that quickly opened again.

“Thanks so much,” a red-haired woman that should be in her earlier twenties came in along with a blond, wait, is his hair white/silver? Steve wasn’t sure how to define it.

“Thanks,” the other guy said, placing himself beside the young woman. Steve nodded to both of them politely.

“Are you going to the party tonight?” the woman, red-haired, asked the blond.

“Yep, I think so,” he replied, looking down at the documents in his hands.

“Great! Everyone will be there,” she said, then she lifted her eyes from her phone and looked at Steve again. “Are you new here?” Steve shifted uncomfortably, he wasn’t good at socializing with unknown people at all, but Peggy always asked him how he’s supposed to know new people if he doesn’t even attempt to talk with strangers.

“Huh, yes,” Steve replied. Then, he extended his hand to her. “I’m Steve Rogers.” The girl retributes the handshake.

“Oh, you’re the new photographer Natasha hired!” she said excitedly. “I’m Wanda. Wanda Maximoff. This is my twin, Pietro.” The guy nodded at Steve with a small smile. “We are internships here. I work with Natasha, and Pietro works with Clint. Clint and Natasha are almost like siblings, by the way. They’re best friends, I’d say. He works in finances.” Wanda wandered, waving her hands in the air a little bit exasperated or too excited.

“See you later,” Pietro said when the doors opened on the 4th floor, indicating that was the finances department.

“I guess we are going to see each other a lot since we work in the same department. It’s nice to meet you, Rogers,” Wanda smiled fondly. “Everyone is like a big family around here, so don’t worry. You’re gonna be okay,” Wanda patted him on the back.

The doors opened in front of them, three floors later, and Wanda walked out first. Steve followed right after her. He looked around the place with big windows that allowed the magnificent light of the day to peek in. There was a long hallway with doors on the right side. He approached the place where a receptionist was.

“Good morning. I’m…”

“Steve Rogers,” the woman completed for him. “I know. I’m aware. Ms. Romanoff will see you soon. You can wait there,” she pointed to a place where benches were placed along with plants in the hallway. Steve nodded in understanding and went to sit next to where the woman indicated him. He looked to the door and the signal with Natasha’s name next to it. Steve felt his stomach clenching with the anxiety.

Breathe. Just breathe. In and out. Steve remembers the instructions given to his therapist for whenever he felt an anxiety attack was about to happen.

He kept breathing, then a sudden noise caught his attention. He turns his head in the direction of the reception to see a tall, blonde woman, with clicking high heels walking down the hallway.

“Miss Potts, I’m sure Miss Romanoff will be glad in seeing you if you wait a little longer,” the receptionist said, following behind said woman.

“This can’t wait,” The blonde said.

Well, Miss Potts stopped in front of the director’s door and knocked twice before opening it and step in.

“Pepper, what are y--” Steve heard Natasha’s voice from the inside.

“I’m sorry, Miss Romanoff,” the receptionist started to say, but Natasha waved her hand at her.

“It’s okay. Come in, Pepper,” Natasha replied. The blonde stepped inside, and the receptionist closed the door pulled behind her, though she had left it partially opened, and she walked back to her place in the reception.

Steve didn’t have the intention of hearing the conversation between the red-haired and the blonde. But, well, Natasha’s office has thin walls that didn’t help to hide any sounds made from the inside, plus the half-opened door allowed any noise coming from the inside to be heard. Steve detected the sound of a chair racking on the floor as Pepper sat, he supposed.

“I can’t give him any more time, Pepper,” he heard Natasha saying.

“He can’t do it now, Nat. Give him two weeks and I’ll get him back,” Pepper almost begged.

“This photoshoot has been delayed for quite a while now. These photos should have been done weeks ago. And I just got a new photographer. Tony has to be back in Manhattan in two days for this photoshoot,” Natasha exhaled. “He signed the contract. He’s aware of the consequences of breaking it.” Steve listened to the heels clicking on the floor again.

“It’s a personal issue, Nat,” Pepper insisted. “He’s been through a lot of things right now.” Natasha sighed longly.

“I know. And I hope Tony can get over it soon,” he heard another pair of heels on the floor. “Look, Pep, I assured the directors that Tony Stark would be in this new campaign, and I need him to be back here,” Natasha insisted, her tone sounded a little demanding, but not threatening.

Tony Stark. Tony Stark. The name sounded familiar, maybe he had heard it somewhere. Well, if they were counting on Stark for the next campaign, then he should be someone important. Why did he feel like he should know this name? S-T-A-R-K. Maybe he heard on the news, Steve wasn’t sure. He tried to bring out the memory but his mind came back empty. He makes a mental note to google the name after his meeting with Natasha.

Steve heard someone sighing out loud inside the office, and he supposed it was the blonde.

“Fine. I’ll talk with him. See what I can do.”

“Thanks, Pepper,” Natasha replied, leading the blond toward the door.

Steve watched as the blonde walked away, stopping in front of the elevators’ door. Then, he drew his attention back to Natasha on the doorframe, her arms were crossed and she was leaning slightly on it. Pepper stepped into the elevator, and Natasha turned her head in Steve’s direction. The red-haired frowned and looked down at the watch on her wrist. It was an old gold watch, Steve noticed, probably an heirloom.

“You’re early,” she said. Steve nodded in knowledge.

“I live in Brooklyn,” he shrugged.

“Right,” Natasha said. She looked inside the office, then back to Steve. “Come in.”

Steve stepped into the office as Natasha told him. The office was bigger than Steve thought it was from the outside. It has a nice view of Manhattan below them. The sun hit the Empire State Building far away, giving it an angelical and glorious light. Steve appreciated those little details, how the light angle could change the perspective of something, and make it look better. He hardly would define Manhattan in this way, if he could pick a word to describe the noisy city below, he would choose gray. All those buildings and skyscrapers reflecting the light on their own mirrors never allow any colors to contract against them. Graceless. Gray. The head of marketing closed the door on his back, bringing Steve back to reality, and he almost wanted to curse himself for wandering in his thoughts, sometimes he was too absent-minded. Natasha walked around her desk to sit down. Steve followed the moves and sat in one of the chairs in front of her.

“How are you, Steve?” Natasha asked, rolling a pen between her fingers.

“I’m good, ma’am, thank you,” Steve answered.

“I believe you have some documents for me,” Natasha said, organizing the paper on her desk and clipping them together. Steve handed her the folder in his hands, which Natasha flipped through. “I’ll give it to Maria after I finish showing you the studio.”

“Okay,” Steve said. “By Maria, do you mean Maria Hill?” Steve couldn’t hold his curiosity, watching Natasha’s features afraid of having crossed a line, but she only raised a questioning brow.

“Yes. She works in Human Resources. Do you know her?” She asked, and quickly waved her hand. “Of course you know her. She was in the military.” Natasha murmured more to herself than to Steve, though the blond nodded affirmatively. Natasha handed a couple of documents to Steve. The soldier looked down at it before reading them attentively, ignoring Natasha’s firm gaze on him.

The red-haired waited patiently as Steve read the contract with SHIELD Clothing. The soldier took a deep breath when he read the value of his salary. That was more than enough, and he thought he has never been so well paid before as a photographer. Not even right after his graduation when he worked in small agencies. Steve read every single clause of the contract, which might have taken him 15 or 20 minutes. Natasha was casually sanding her nails on the desk by the time he finished it.

“Do you have any questions, Steve?” Natasha asked. Steve looked down at the papers in his hands again.

“Not so far. Everything is well described here,” Steve said, leaning against the chair, suddenly more relieved.

“Okay. You can text me or call me if you do,” Natasha replied, stapling Steve’s document together.

“Wait,” Steve said all of sudden, which surprised even himself. “The new photoshoot, it says here ‘The pictures taken must be edited in a computer inside of the SHIELD Clothing establishment’, so it means…”

“You can only upload the pictures on this specific computer, Steve. I’m sorry, we have to ensure the safety of our brand. We do not want any photos leaked before the collection is launched,” Natasha explained. Steve tapped on the table. He didn’t like it but there wasn’t anything he could do about it, and it seemed like the only restriction so far.

“Right. It begins in two days, is that right?”

“Well, yes, if I can get Tony to get his ass here in time,” Natasha leaned back, sighing loudly. “God, this boxers’ collection is waiting for too long now,” She thought out loud. “Anyway, we have a few pictures to take some unfinished projects from the former photographer to finish. Don’t worry about it, I’ll get Tony back,” Natasha assured him, and Steve acquiesced. “Alright. Let’s get to work then, Cap.”

* * *

Natasha showed him the whole floor, and the office, where the computer he would use was, so he would be able to edit the pictures. Well, the laptop was way better than Steve’s, it was faster and with large storage memory, so he could say that he wouldn’t mind using this instead of his. Then, Natasha took him to the two different studios that had different decorations, according to the red-haired they were preparing some photoshoots for the next collection they would launch, or preparing some photos in advance to put on the website. The third studio, on the other hand, was full of people working on the models, even Wanda was there as she talked with one of the models.

Steve counted three models wearing sexy lingerie. They were in the makeup process. Steve looked to the scenario in front of him. There were flowers coming down the ceiling on the wall, where a red sofa was in the middle to make everything look sexy and desirable. A provocative collection to praise women’s bodies. Steve was happy for the fact he was gay. From the corner of his eyes, he could see two men talking next to the window, one of them had a cigarette between his fingers, and the crotch on his pants showed clearly that he was turned on by the view of the almost naked models. Disgusting.

“We should have finished it two weeks ago, but,” Natasha sighed. “we had the harassment problem, and a sexual assault episode, so we’re restarting it today.” Steve nodded and followed Natasha when she stopped next to a desk where all types of equipment Steve might need, and some he has never ever dreamt to use were available. “I have to make a few calls, so I won’t be here, but Wanda,” Natasha pointed to the redhead on the other side of the room. “She’s my internship. She knows how I like it, and she has everything prepared. Ask her for suggestions. She loves it, by the way, and she’s really good.” Natasha’s phone chimed in her hands, but she ignored it until finish all instructions she had for Steve. “You can leave for lunch with Wanda, I’m sure she can show you around.” The phone chimed again, and Steve may have seen a flash of the name ‘Tony’. “I have to take this one. See you.”

As soon as Natasha walked away, Wanda popped up on his side, a huge grin on her face.

“Hi you again,” she greeted. “The models are almost drooling on you,” Wanda stated, making Steve raise his eyes from the camera he just got. It was true, a blonde and a brunette are whispering and glancing at him, as well as some of the other women in the room. Steve blushed.

“Are they ready?” Steve asked.

“Of course,” Wanda smirked.

Steve adjusted a lamp at a better angle as Wanda gave the commands to the models. Natasha was right, the young woman knew it all, and Steve did as told. He asked Wanda for suggestions, which were excellent and made all the photoshoot looks a marvelous scene. It wasn’t just a sexy photoshoot as Steve thought at first, and of course, it would never be with Natasha in charge along with Wanda. That photoshoot didn’t have the intention of being provocative but encouraged women to feel better with themselves, and their features. The makeup done in the models wasn’t flamboyant or anything, but it featured the format of their faces without hiding their freckles, lines of expression, or even acne marks. SHIELD Clothing definitely was a good place to work.

By the time they finished, Steve knew everyone’s name in the room. He was good at knowing names by heart, and the team was friendly, so it helped him to feel comfortable. Steve looked over the hundreds of pictures he had taken and that Natasha would choose among them, so he could edit. He didn’t notice when the brunette models got closer to him.

“Wow. I really liked this one,” she said, resting her hand on Steve’s biceps.

“Hm. They’re really good,” Steve agreed. 

“I hope you see more around here, Steve,” she said with a grin, then winked.

Steve frowned. Of course, she would see him around, he worked there and so did she. Oh, wait… Steve thought when the words finally sink in. A voice came over to get Steve out of that situation.

“Hey, Laura. Well done. Thank you for today,” Wanda approached. Laura smiled at her and walked away to where the other models were getting dressed. “They all have a crush on you,” Wanda declared with laughter. “Oh God, they will be so disappointed when they know.” She laughed more and loudly.

“When they know what?” Steve asked, still confused with the course of the conversation. A surprised look appeared on Wanda’s face.

“That you’re gay, of course!” She said as it was so obvious to everyone.

It’s Steve’s turn to be surprised. He didn’t mean to look so obvious. The time he spent in the Army was enough to make Steve learn to be discreet and avoid statements like that.

“How do you know?” Steve asked, genuinely curious.

Wanda rolled her eyes, then raised her hand up, where Steve could see a beautiful, probably expensive, ring.

“My fiancée proposed to me two weeks ago,” when the confusion didn’t disappear from Steve’s face, Wanda continued. “She has good taste, don’t you think?”

“Oh!” Steve said. Wanda snorted.

“Don’t hide, Steve. Don’t worry about it. Everyone’s here is very respectful,” Wanda assured him. “Also, their model number one is a bisexual involved in many scandals. Really. Don’t stress about it.”

Steve acquiesced gratefully. Then, he started to organize the equipment on the desk again. Taking the memory card out of the camera and keeping it safe to hand it over to Natasha before he got to lunch. Wanda had mentioned something about a Winter’s Collection that has been suspended too, and they had to get it half-done after lunch. She also said that Natasha would be there to assist them. 

Steve waved goodbye to the members of the team going out for lunch until there were just him and Wanda in the studio. Even though the red-haired had turned off the lights, the window allowed a good illumination for them to organize the stuff. Wanda waited patiently for Steve as he got to clean the lens he would use later.

“Let’s get some lunch, Rogers. I’m starving,” Wanda leaned against the doorframe, which makes Steve laugh, and hurried up to go with the intern.

* * *

“Holy shit, Scott, I forgot my wallet upstairs,” Clint said, moving to the door of the establishment. “Hang in there. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Wanda took Steve to a snack bar close to the building, according to her they have the best sandwiches in Manhattan. Steve had just had his third sandwich to prove Wanda’s point, they are really delicious. The first he ordered had cheese, the second one was Wanda’s choice, the vegetarian, and the third he was currently eating had eggs and ham and it tasted like breakfast. Steve couldn’t say which one was his favorite, though.

Wanda was rambling something about the Christmas party thrown by SHIELD at the end of the year when Clint entered and she changed the subject to the man who worked in finances and Natasha considered as a sibling. He looked a nice person, Steve thought, but well everyone seemed nice so far. Steve’s hopes of fitting into this place were growing.

Since he came back from war, Steve carried that feeling of being lost. His therapist used to call it ‘survivor guilt’ for those who died in the field whilst he got to go back to his small family. He was allowed to be someone again. Though, the sensation of inadequacy kept hovering on him. Would he be able to have an ordinary conversation with someone again? Would he even be able to feel comfortable around someone again? Steve hoped so because he didn’t know what he would do if he didn’t.

Every day, he was encouraged to socialize with the people around him, and now with his new job, he would need to talk and keep a good ambient of work. Steve was looking forward to it. He hasn’t been with anyone in a long time. In the Army it was almost unthinkable, even though it happened sometimes, it doesn’t mean anything, though. It was simply stress relief. Now, he was back in his life between Brooklyn and Manhattan, perhaps he could give a chance to meet someone new, and see how it goes. His therapist probably would be happy if he knew Steve gave it an attempt.

“There’s this party happening tonight, in a club in Queens. Some people from work will be there. You should come, I could introduce you to them,” Wanda commented, giving a bite on her sandwich right after.

That seemed like a good occasion. The thing was just falling on the soldier’s lap. Maybe the odds are in his favor this week. First, a new job, then an amazing first day, and now a party. He couldn’t ask for more; he just expected the odds to stay in his favor during the entire week. Steve sighed assuring himself that he could make it. He could give it a try. It would be good.

“Where’s it?”

“ _Oh_! You’re coming!” Wanda’s smile widened.

“I’m considering it,” Steve retorted, then Wanda started talking again.

“I’ll get an Uber with Pietro. You can come with us.”

“I have a motorcycle.”

“You do?” Wanda asked, slightly confused. “Ok, give me your number, I’ll text you.”

Steve took Wanda’s phone and saved his number. He looked down at his phone chiming in his jeans pocket when Wanda sent him the address. He really needed to get a new phone, maybe in a few weeks since now he had a job and he could possibly afford it.

They left the sandwich shop and walked together back to SHIELD’s building. They still had time, and Steve imagined that the other team members who left earlier were probably preparing the next scenario for them. According to Wanda, this one was a Winter Collection, left unfinished by the last photographer, which means today was only the first day of pictures. Steve observed as Pietro exited the building, joining him and Wanda. Now, under the sunlight, Steve could constate that his hair was white, it looked like silver when the bright rays of sun hit him.

Pietro seemed quieter than Wanda, he hasn’t talked much since they met in the elevator, but Steve could tell that the twin boy was, perhaps, a little bit protective over his sister. Pietro offered Wanda a cigarette that she managed very well between her fingers. Steve didn’t like smoking. The smell was just awful, and it never brings out good memories. Steve hated that smell along with the smell of alcohol. But Steve didn’t want to walk away and end up upsetting Wanda and Pietro on his first day, plus Wanda has been being nice all day, so Steve just muttered an excuse to get mint gum chicle in a magazine kiosk on the other side of the street.

Steve wasn’t a fan of magazines, newspapers yes, but not magazines. However, he’s paying for his mint Trident when a cover catches his attention. Steve is sure he had seen this face before, maybe on TV? He couldn’t remember. It wasn’t just the guy on the cover wearing sunglasses on the tip of his nose while his brown amber’s eyes were looking directly at the reader, that caught his attention, but the name written in capital letters on the cover:

TONY STARK

You want to know

everything about him.

Did Steve want to? He looked to the man on the cover again only to realize he was already paying for the magazine. Steve wondered why the name of this man looked so damn familiar. Stark. He had heard it before Natasha or Pepper mentioned it. Perhaps, he had watched an interview with the model on the TV. Of course, if Tony was this famous he would appear on TV, also, Wanda had mentioned something about a model involved in scandals back then. Was it Tony? Steve thought he would figure it out when he read the magazine. 

* * *

The rest of the day passed by fast. Wanda was right, the Winter’s Collection was immense, full of details that needed to be photographed, even though they spent the afternoon among makeup, change of clothes, and set arrangements, they haven’t done yet. Another would be needed to get everything ready before the edition process. Thankfully, Natasha was there monitoring and barking orders to the team, which relieved Wanda’s work, and helped Steve to be more active, and less shy around the others.

Natasha was a good person to work with. She was good at catching nice angles to empower the collection. The details seen by her eyes made a lot of difference during that afternoon, and Steve almost regretted that the red-haired wasn’t there for the lingerie photoshoot, it surely would have made an enormous difference. Not that Wanda wasn’t good, no at all. But Wanda was an intern, and Natasha had years of experience that showed the greatest differential during today’s photo session.

After Steve had uploaded the photos to the company’s laptop, he was free to go. Wanda left earlier probably with Pietro, but Steve still had the address to the ‘party’, so he would just show up, say hello, get something, then go back home. The soldier wasn’t too fond of parties. 

As soon as Steve stopped his bike in front of the nightclub, he felt anxious. All he wanted to do was to turn around and go home. The façade glowed with neon lights, too painful for the eyes if you looked at them for too long. The song vibrated inside, and in his ears, shaking the sidewalk where he was still holding the helmet, thinking, and rethinking if he really wanted to go inside.

What did he have to lose? The worst that could happen was if no one liked him, or people were mean and treated him badly. Wanda said that everyone was cool, and the people he had worked with today were all polite to him. There’s no need to hesitate this much, but Steve couldn’t stop wondering what would people think of him?

Steve took a deep breath and before he could mount on the bike and go away, he stepped inside. The smoke almost stopped Steve from seeing ahead, in a corner, he could smell the weed, which made him twitch his nose to the unpleasant scent. The lights blinked incessantly in different colors, and the music was definitely louder than ever. Steve couldn’t understand how someone could spend their night in a place like it. He was ready to walk away, and find an excuse for his absence when he bumped onto Wanda tomorrow when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Steve turned around to face Wanda’s twin, Pietro from finances.

“Hey, man. Wanda will be glad that you came,” Pietro shrugged. Steve gave him a cracked smile before following after him, in the middle of the crowd where people were dancing to the electronic rhythm played by the DJ.

Crossing the crowd seemed almost impossible, but Pietro made it easy while Steve stopped a few times to not get hit on the chin or nose with so many elbows and hands swinging in the air. They made it. Pietro got to the bar in the first place, and Steve saw Wanda talking to Clint. Yeah, Clint, Steve thought that was the guy’s name.

“Hey! You came!” Wanda exclaimed excitedly, and Steve could see that she was slightly drunk. The young woman pulled Steve by the wrist. “This is Clint from finances,” she said. Steve nodded, squeezing Clint’s hand when he extended it for a handshake. “That’s Thor there, he works in security,” Wanda pointed to a blond dancing clumsily, though he doesn’t seem ashamed of it. A blonde bartender appeared bringing another drink to Clint. “Oh! That’s Carol!” Wanda said, smiling passionately. Carol winked in response. “My fiancée. By the way, everyone, this is Steve Rogers, SHIELD’s new photographer.”

“I hope she’s not giving you a hard time on your first day of work,” Carol said, smiling. “Do you want a drink?” The blonde woman pushed a menu filled with all sorts of drinking. Steve waved his hands, grimacing at the options.

“Sorry, I don’t drink,” Steve excused himself. Wanda tilted her head.

“Why not? It’s fun. It makes everything funnier,” Wanda started to dance when another song started to play.

“You can have fun without drinking,” Steve retorted.

“Just one,” Wanda insisted, although Carol never moved away from the counter, waiting for Steve’s answer.

Carol stretched a hand over the counter, touching Wanda’s shoulder and giving a light squeeze.

“Baby, you had too much. If Steve doesn’t want it, let him alone,” Carol gave Steve a reassuring smile. Wanda didn’t mention it again.

Steve didn’t like drinking. The effect alcohol had on people, Steve didn’t like the results. Nothing good could come from drinking. Of course, he had experienced it when he was a teenager and just wanted to have fun. But after seeing his mother’s look when he got drunk at home one day, Steve just stopped it. He couldn’t do it to her, not again. Since then, he only drank champagne on some occasions, which was rare.

“So are you enjoying the job so far?” Clint asked, pulling Steve out of his thoughts. The soldier blinked, then took the seat where Wanda was just a few minutes ago.

“Huh, yeah. It’s great. Really. Everyone’s cool, it was good,” Steve babbled awkwardly. Clint acquiesced, sipping his drink.

“It is. One of the best brands, indeed. You’ll see,” Clint assured him, then took his phone out of the pocket and looked at the screen. “Sorry, I need to pick this one,” Clint said, standing up. Steve only nodded in understanding.

He wasn’t planning on spending much time there, anyway. He greeted Thor when this one came looking for Carol Danvers, which Steve quickly assumed he was talking about Carol/Wanda’s fiancée. Steve looked around, realizing that Carol and Wanda had gone for a while now, and they probably wouldn’t be back sooner. Clint was on a call, and Steve had no idea where Pietro was. Nevertheless, Thor went looking for them, leaving Steve alone. The blond quickly texted Wanda to let her know that he was going home, there wasn’t anything for him to do anyway. He doubted that the red-haired would see it today, at least, tomorrow when she had read the message, she wouldn’t feel guilty for leaving Steve behind.

Steve left. Tiredness started to catch up with him.

When the soldier got home, he didn’t expect to see Bucky pacing back and forth in the middle of the room so late at night. Steve furrowed, and Bucky stopped at the sight of the blond, but he kept running his hands on the sides of his jeans.

“I proposed to Peggy,” it was all that Bucky said, a timid grin on his face. “She said yes.” Steve threw his bag on the couch, almost unable to contain the happiness and excitement he was feeling.

“Of course she said yes,” Steve ran his fingers through his hair. “Oh God, Buck. Congratulations!” Steve pulled Bucky into a hug, patting him on the back. “I’m happy for you, man.”

“Will you be my best man, right?” Bucky asked, pulling away the hug to look at Steve. The photographer smiled only widened.

“It’ll be my greatest honor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I put 10 chapters there, but I'm thinking it can have around 12 - 14 since the chapters are getting way too long.  
> I'm currently writing chapter 5, and I'm surprised by the number of words. Anyway, stay tuned.  
> I promise Tony will be in the next chapter ; )  
> Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, everyone!

Steve was half-folded over the kitchen counter, one of his hands supporting on his jaw and the other flipping through the magazine. He read those lines again. He had done it repeatedly during the week, so he already knew the words by heart, and he would mutter them silently while he read them again.

_ “What do you want to be known as your legacy? _

_ “I’d say that's a really interesting, odd, question. I’ve been known by my family’s name for long enough. I wish… people could see farther than it. My legacy… well, is in the hands of the people who truly get to know me. I’d say… It’s about what we choose to leave behind for future generations.” _

Steve muttered the words to himself, imagining and trying out different intonations. He had spent the last two days reading and re-reading the whole interview. There were marks on the pages because of its management. Drops of coffee could be seen on the white and glowing paper, plus part of the page was half-folded on the tip, and there was a smudge of tomato sauce from yesterday spaghetti on it as well.

Tony Stark. That magazine had a pretentious cover announcing that you needed to know everything about the man on the cover, but as much as Steve kept reading, he felt like he didn’t know the man behind the cover yet. Steve believed that the man that gave that interview wasn’t the same one he would meet today for the photoshoot. Of course, people were not at night the same person they were in the morning, because life is fluid and everyone is always changing. Yet, he wasn’t sure of what he should expect from the man.

“What are you reading?” Bucky’s voice startled Steve who ends up pouring a few drops of the coffee he was taking in one of the pages. Steve looked to the drops on the pages of the magazines and put the cup down using the dishcloth to wipe it off gently. The last thing he wanted was to rip those precious pages, full of content.

“Nothing interesting,” Steve commented, but Bucky doesn’t accept this answer and leans over to watch the coverage.

“Is it a gay porn magazine?” Bucky asked with a lopsided smile and raising a brow, staring at the sexy brunet man on the cover.

“No!” Steve shouted, a little bit shocked with his best friend’s audacity. Steve has never talked about his interests with Bucky, let alone his sexual life.

Bucky keeps the smirk on his face as he takes his bag, then he shrugged.

“Just tell me, Stevie. I don’t mind it, you know,” Bucky looked up at him. “You haven’t had anyone for quite a while, since you came back home, so I’ll understand--” Bucky pointed to the magazine against Steve’s chest as the blond followed the dark-haired train of thought. 

“I don’t-- shut up!” Steve shouted again as his cheeks flushed in a bright red color.

Bucky laughed, shoving a croissant in his mouth. The dark-haired shrugged nonchalantly as he took his bag, throwing it on his good shoulder.

“Whatever you say, Stevie. Whatever you say.” Bucky smirked, he turned his keys in the knob. “See ya later--oh no. I’ll stay in Peggy’s today, she also asked if you could come over for dinner?” Bucky asked, his metal hand on the knob as he waited for Steve’s answer. The blond, however, nodded affirmatively, confirming he’ll be there. Bucky shouted a ‘bye’ from the corridor as his steps faded on his way downstairs.

Steve sighed, putting the magazine over the counter. Tony Stark’s brown hazel eyes glowed to him from the cover. Steve probably knew the entire interview by heart by now. No matter how much he had read it over and over again, he wanted to know the man. The real one. He was trying to unveil that brunet with eyes so bright, hypnotizing, hiding an amount of sorrow Steve wasn’t aware of.

Tony Stark. Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. That’s how the man described himself when he was asked during the interview. It seemed kind of arrogant at first, but, well, he’s not wrong, though. Steve had made some research on the Internet, he typed Stark's name on Google to discover that Tony was Howard’s Stark only child. The man had died years ago in a car accident along with his wife, leaving all his properties and the family’s company under Tony’s hands, who managed to turn his father's weapon manufactory into a clean energy company in a few years after being a victim of terrorists during a weapon demonstration meeting he attended in Afghanistan. The man had more money Steve could ever dream about and he certainly was a reference in his field.

However, all the good things Stark has done for the world wasn’t the only information available. Scandals, a lot of them, were disclosed. Stark’s name was the favorite on the headlines. His affairs out there were the main subject, the list of women and men who had had any kind of relation with Stark was long enough. Parties, drinking problems, and fighting at bars filled the tabloids, along with subjects that Tony wasn’t exactly involved in, like, the fact that his godfather had sold weapons under the table for years or his father’s anger issues and alcoholism.

Steve wanted to know who exactly he would be working with, or what to expect from a man with such grandiose fame. He read everything he could, still, the media seemed to have given a break to Stark since nothing big about his person had come out in the past four months. It was almost as the brunet had disappeared, whatever had led him to this change, Steve obviously didn’t know, but it was, at least, odd.

He was dragged out of his thoughts by his phone, buzzing and lit up with a new message from Natasha Romanoff. The red-haired asked him to come a little bit earlier in order to get everything perfectly set up for their star model. Steve had heard that Tony was a difficult person to deal with. Natasha had described him as volatile, self-obsessed and also said he doesn’t play well along with others. Steve sighed longly.

He has a very long day before him. He thought of grabbing his stuff on the couch, then turning back to the counter where the magazine still is. If Bucky came back, he surely would glance upon it to know why Steve was so interested, and probably he would tease him for the rest of his life. Steve shoved it into his bag and grabbed the keys to the apartment and the motorcycle.

* * *

Steve set everything up at the studio. There was no need for big scenarios, but the soldier got all his materials prepared, he put aside the lens he would use, and Wanda along with Natasha equipped the whole team to provide anything to the rich man they were about to meet. Well, Steve was about to meet, because everyone else in the room only talked about Stark.

“I’m gonna grab a coffee, do you want something?” Steve asked both red-haired, Natasha and Wanda.

“I’m fine,” Natasha said, and Wanda shook her head negatively.

Then, Steve got the elevator down. He used to grab a coffee in the cafeteria in front of SHIELD’s building. They had a complete menu made only for coffee addicts, and for people who liked to try something new, though some of the options were weird. However, Steve was a big fan of blended beverages and frappuccinos, which he ordered in the past three days he had come here. So, when he entered the coffee shop, the attendant already knew what he wanted.

“Same as yesterday?” she asked with a grin.

“A caffè vanilla frappuccino, yes, please” Steve replied, putting his hand on the pocket of his jeans, he fumbled his pocket in search of his wallet. Steve frowned when he didn’t find it, maybe he was stolen on the way down.

Shit, he cursed mentally, remembering that his wallet probably fell from his pocket when he crouched down to adjust one of the lights in the studio. Shit. “Sorry, I-I guess I--” Steve tried to explain the situation, his face flushed red by now. The queue was starting to get long behind him. The attendant furrows and she’s about to say something when someone shows up and cuts her off.

“I got this one on my account,” the husky voice caught Steve’s attention. It’s not possible, he thinks. The brunet man hands over five dollars. He smirks and winks at the attendant. “Keep the change.”

Another attendant handed him the coffee cup. Steve held the frappuccino in his hands, his jaw was slightly dropped because he couldn’t get to believe in what his eyes were seeing. It… just couldn’t be.

Tony Stark had paid him a frappuccino.

Steve walked toward where the man was checking his cellphone after paying for Steve’s coffee.

“I can’t accept it,” Steve said, his cheeks blushing. “That’s kind, but I don’t even know you.” Steve looked down at the coffee. He really needed that coffee, nightmares haven’t allowed him to sleep well that night, as well as the other nights, so why the bloody hell wouldn't he take it?

Stark raised his eyes, meeting Steve’s blue irises as clear as the morning sky during dawn. The billionaire tucks away a lock of hair falling into his forehead. The smirk had come back and it was directly to Steve.

“But I do,” Stark said.

“What?”

“I know you, Captain Steve Rogers. SHIELD hired you like three days ago the exact day my assistant was coming by. Pepper mentioned they hired a new photographer,” Tony sighed, rolling his brown eyes in exasperation. Steve raised a questioning brow. “I kind of,” Tony tilted his head apparently trying to find an explanation. “hack into the system files to know who they hired this time.” Tony put on the sunglasses. “You know after the whole situation back then, I need to know who I’m working with,” he said easily. “See ya around,” the smirk never left Stark’s face at any moment.

Steve watched as Tony Stark walked out of the cafeteria toward the SHIELD building. He looked down to the cup in his hands and took a sip of the coffee before it got too cold. Steve thought of how improbable it was that he would bump onto Stark in a mere coffee shop in the middle of Manhattan. Steve sat down, observing the movement outside. By the time he had finished his frappuccino, they probably had got Tony prepared for the photoshoot.

Steve had checked along with Wanda that Tony was assigned for many photoshoots this time of the year, some of which he chose to anticipate for no reason at all. Not only this boxer collection, but there was also a summer collection that should be done sooner than it was intended. In the past three days, Steve had heard all rumors people were creating about Tony Stark’s delay, and urgency in anticipating, for the photoshoot. Some said that he would settle down, others said that he would focus on his clean energy company, which makes total sense since the man had a Ph.D. in electrical engineering, and others affirmed that he would retire, after all, the billionaire was a model since he was 16, and now he was turning 34.

The blond threw away the cup in a trash can and walked to the building. He got back in the studio, and everything seemed quieter than usual.

“Where’s everyone?” Steve asked Wanda who had some photos of the previous collection Stark had modeled in her hands.

“Stark doesn’t like the room crowded,” Wanda explained, putting the photos aside on the desk. “He’ll be back in a few minutes. Natasha said they needed to talk.”

Steve acquiesced not asking for further explanations. He set up the camera, then his eyes traveled back to the desk where were the photos of Tony. He was a handsome guy, Steve admitted. Those black hair falling on his forehead give him an unexplainable charm, featured by those brown almond eyes. Steve couldn’t help but admire the other man’s features sculpted by the gods.

“Alright. Let’s get this done,” Steve turned his head when he listened to Tony’s voice and a clap of hands.

The playboy wasn’t wearing anything besides a black boxer. Steve cursed himself for not being able to look away. He felt a little guilt by the way he was staring at the man’s body, it wasn’t professional at all. Tony’s real body doesn’t even compare to the photos on the desk. That former photographer certainly wasn’t able to capture Tony’s best angles. The pictures looked a little clumsy, now that Steve was staring at the model in real life. The light in the pictures couldn’t capture the tan skin, and the salient bones on the billionaire’s hips, or the line of his collarbone when the man tilted his head, exposing his neck.

He’s all sexy. Sexy is the word Steve finds to describe it. The other man is not even trying to, just the way he moves is absolutely stunning.

“Hello, handsome,” Steve startled when Tony passed by him, winking when his husky voice reached Steve’s ears. He didn’t mean to stare for so long. He blushed when Stark stopped in front of him, taking a good look at Steve’s clothed body. Then, he raised his hand and rubbed his thumb in the corner of Steve’s mouth. “You left some milk escape from your lips,” Tony said as he cleaned the milk from the frappuccino of Steve’s lips.

“Stark, this is our new photographer,” Natasha’s voice came from the door. “Steve Rogers,” the man introduced.

Steve extended his hand for a handshake, which the billionaire casually accepted.

“Yeah, I know it,” Tony winked at Natasha, and the woman just rolled her eyes exasperatedly.

“We’ve met in the coffee shop across the street,” Steve let out suddenly. This time, Tony winked at him with a pompous smirk stamped on his face.

“Okay, Stark, get in position,” Natasha finally said. Besides, Steve, Natasha, and two other workers, the rest of the people were dismissed, Wanda included.

Stark walked to the center of the room, getting himself comfortable with the minimalist scenario. At first, Natasha gave some commands, which made Tony roll his eyes a lot to the red-haired bossy tone. Eventually, Tony didn’t mind, and each change of clothes started to make the photos look more chilled and natural. Steve gave a few suggestions too.

“Put your arm behind your neck. Arch your back a little up. Fold your left knee.”

And Tony followed each one of them without feeling exasperated or rolling his eyes, not even once, at Steve. It was clear that both knew what they were doing there, and for a few minutes, it seemed like there was only Steve, the painter, and Tony, the muse, in the room.

* * *

“Do you wanna go out for a drink?”

Steve raised his baby blue eyes to meet Tony’s sassy brown ones. The billionaire was buttoning his shirt by the end of the first day of the photoshoot. Steve looked around him to make sure the man was really asking him out. There was no doubt that the question was directed to him.

“I don’t drink,” Steve replied as his eyes followed Tony’s hand doing his way to button the shirt.

“That’s a pity,” Stark said, always with a smirk on his face. “Dinner, then?” He insisted. Steve would love to, but he had a meeting with his best friends already planned.

“I’d love to, but someone’s waiting for me,” Steve looked for his phone in the bag, wondering if there were messages from Bucky or Peggy.

“Right,” Tony switched his weight to the other leg. “Girlfriend?” Steve sighed relieved to know that he’s in time for dinner with his friends. “Boyfriend?” Tony risked.

“Uh--No,” Steve tucked the phone back in his bag. “I’ll have dinner with friends,” he explained, and why the hell is he explaining himself to a stranger?

“‘Kay,” Tony replied, stumbling in the chair Steve’s bag was. The bag fell open on the floor, and Tony leaned to get Steve’s stuff when he pulled out a magazine.

Holy shit!

The brunet flipped through the magazine with a convincing smile tugging on his lips.

“I--I-I bought it for a friend,” Steve said all of sudden, his mouth going dry as embarrassment started to build inside of him. He leaned to organize the belongings falling from his unorganized bag.

“Huh. Does your friend like vanilla frappuccino too?” Tony asked, showing a mark of coffee and what was clearly yellow, dry vanilla on the magazine.

Steve switched the weight from one foot to another before the question. It’s just a stupid magazine, he shouldn’t be so ashamed of it. However, there was something about Tony that made Steve’s brain shut down, letting him at a loss for words too many times when the man is around. His thoughts are not linear when the brunet is near him, and Steve doesn’t like the effect that the other man’s presence has over him.

He can’t deny that Tony is a beautiful man, or that the lines of his body are breathtaking, or that the light falling onto his black hair gives him a mysterious shadow. Steve didn’t feel like this toward anyone in a long time. So long that he feels weird about these feelings. The soldier pulled the magazine from Tony’s hands and tucked it into his bag.

“Sorry, I-I have to go,” Steve said, meeting those brown eyes. “It was nice to meet you, Tony.” He threw the bag on his back.

“My pleasure,” Tony replied. Steve took a step forward, then Tony grabbed his arm. “Maybe we can get something to eat tomorrow night,” he suggested.

Steve sighed. Even though he wanted to, he could never do it.

“I don’t think so,” Steve muttered. “That’s highly unprofessional.”

Tony’s jaw dropped lightly before it clenched. Of course, the billionaire wasn’t used to hearing a ‘no’ as an answer. Being refused simply wasn’t in his vocabulary. He certainly doesn’t look like he was ever refused before. The brunet didn’t say anything though as Steve pulled his arm from his tug and walked away.

The soldier thanked God when he stepped into the empty elevator and rubbed a hand on his face in an attempt to clear out his thoughts and understand what the hell just happened back there. He wasn’t wrong, after all, the model asking the photographer out in their workplace was highly unprofessional, and Steve couldn’t lose this job right now. Well, between him, a mere, unknown photographer, and a famous and loved model, the choice of who would be fired was clear.

Yes, it was true that he needed to know more people, but he couldn’t step out of the line. He couldn’t give himself the opportunity to get to know Tony if it would make him get fired. It was clear that Tony was a very attractive man, but it was too risky.

Steve’s phone chimed in his pocket when Bucky’s message reached him. ‘I’m on my way,’ Steve tapped back at the moment he stopped in front of his motorcycle in the parking lot.

* * *

The table was stunningly beautiful as it always was when Peggy set it. Steve couldn’t help but admire the details of the table cloth and the disposition of plates and cutlery, as well as the choice of flowers. Orchids were always a romantic and pure combination. It fitted with the cream colors of the walls in Peggy’s restaurant. It surely was about to become one of the fanciest restaurants in the neighborhood.

“Steve,” the woman walked towards him with her arms wide open, enveloping him in a warm hug. “I’m glad you came,” Peggy said with an undistinguished British accent.

Steve hugged the woman back. His smile was fond, and Peggy looked genuinely happy to see him again. It’s true that he hadn’t seen his friends for a long time, he probably should call them or visit them more often. His job haunting took all the time he could ever have for it, and now his job took it full time.

“I’m glad too, Peggy,” Steve said, pulling away to look at the brunette in front of him. “You look beautiful,” he complimented like a true gentleman. Peggy’s smile is warm and filled with sincerity.

“Thank you, Steve. Dinner’s ready, we were just waiting for you,” Peggy said. Steve can’t look away from her hand when the light hits the ring that Bucky had bought months ago, but only now had the courage to propose.

Steve was happy for his friends. After everything, they’ve gone through, Bucky deserves someone good and gentle as Peggy Carter. He deserved to be happy, and that was all Steve wished to them. He wished they were happy. And perhaps, just perhaps, one day he would be able to prove that happiness his friends had. Finding a real partner wasn’t an easy task, and it looked even harder when Steve wasn’t looking for it right now.

“James! Steve’s here,” Peggy shouted to the back of the restaurant.

The soft light along with the cream-colored walls give it elegance. The fresh flowers in the glass jar on the table are absolutely a nice touch, allowing the orchids to feature against the ivory cloth covering the table. Those wood chairs weren’t just comfortable, they were marvelous to the decoration and the customer’s comfort. It surely was a fine restaurant. Peggy deserved to be recognized for her neatness, and attention to the details. Also, the excellent food that was served there.

Heavy steps could be heard coming from the back of the restaurant. Barnes appeared under the lights with a bottle of white wine in his metal arm.

“Is that the one?” He asked when he got closer to where Steve and Peggy were standing.

“It is,” Peggy replied, taking it and putting the bottle on the table. She tiptoed to put a chaste kiss on Bucky’s lips. “Please, take a seat, gentlemen. We don’t want all this food to get cold or go to waste,” the woman said, sitting down.

They sat. They put the food on their plates while Bucky filled their glasses with wine. He was careful to only pour Steve a reasonable quantity since the captain wasn’t fond of drinking. He has his reason and Bucky knows why.

“So, how was the photoshoot today?” Bucky asked, sipping his wine.

“Huh, good, I guess,” Steve shrugged. He wasn’t sure if the fact that Tony Stark asked him out was something good or worth telling now. He chooses to keep it for himself, at least for now.

“How’s your job, Steve? Are you enjoying it?” Peggy asked politely. She was always polite, no matter the occasion, even if they were only between friends.

“Yes, I am. It’s a fine place to work. People are nice. The money is good. Their equipment is of high quality. I have nothing to complain about. It sure is a good ambiance of working,” Steve answered.

“Is there… someone interesting?”

Steve can’t help the blush that appears on his face because of the question.

“Huh, no,” he muttered. “I don’t think so,” Steve noticed when Peggy exchanged glances with Bucky. He shifted a little uncomfortably on his seat, taking the fork to his mouth and chewing slowly before he changed the subject of the conversation to the couple on the table. “How’s the wedding arrangements?”

There’s a hesitating silence hovering in the air, almost as if they were waiting for Steve saying something else before Peggy broke it.

“Great. We are just focusing on the basic details right now like flowers set, the cake, and beverages,” she explained. “I believe Sergeant Barnes might need your help to choose a fancy tuxedo,” Peggy offered a smile to Bucky.

“Yeah.” Bucky took a sip of wine. “We’re still looking for a place for the ceremony.” Steve nodded.

“It is going to be a small reunion with friends, just to celebrate it,” Peggy said, and Bucky gave a soft squeeze in her hand over the table.

“I’m sure you’re gonna find a nice one,” Steve encouraged. “What about the honeymoon?” he added. Peggy sighed.

“I’d rather go to London, but I can’t leave behind everything I’ve built here even if for a couple of days,” she explained.

“We thought of Canada at first, but I’m trying to convince Peggy to go somewhere hot like Brazil, for example,” Bucky said with a smile.

“Do you have a date?”

“January, 4th,” Peggy announced.

“So soon?” Steve said. “I have to agree with Bucky on it, Peggy. Canada’s too cold this time of the year. It’s summer in Brazil in January, isn’t it?” Bucky nodded satisfyingly. “It certainly looks like a better option.”

“You’re supposed to take my side, Captain Rogers,” Peggy smiled.

“Sorry, Peggy, not this time,” Steve said, smiling, and Bucky patted him on the back. “What about your wedding dress?” Steve asked curiously.

Peggy grinned.

“That’s a secret, dear,” she winked.

Steve laughed. Margareth Carter surely knew how to keep things in secrecy, it wouldn’t be different now.

“Well, this tastes amazing as always, darling,” Bucky said, changing the subject.

“It sure does, Peggy,” Steve complimented the dish as well.

“Thank you, gentlemen,” Peggy replied. “I haven’t seen you in a while, Steve. I hope everything’s alright.”

“It is. I’m sorry, Peggy, I’ve been too busy, you know, looking for a job since I left the Army.” Peggy nodded in understanding.

“Is he taking care of himself?” Peggy asked Bucky, which made both the dark-haired and blond smile.

“I hope so.”

“Well, I am, and just so you know, I have to be in Banner’s early tomorrow,” Steve said with a smile.

“We don’t want to keep you longer, then,” Peggy stood up with both men following her lead. Peggy hugged Steve again. “You should pass by more often, Captain.” Steve pulled away to look into her brown eyes, which remembered him of another pair of brown eyes.

“I will,” he promised.

Peggy smiled. Bucky, on the other hand, accompanied him to the door of the establishment. They stepped out in the cold wind of November, a sign that it would start snowings soon. Steve wasn’t a fan of cold weather, but he loved the beauty of the Christmas lights in the white scenario that soon would start to take the streets of New York. Steve loved the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, and the fireworks during the New Year. It was an astonishing view that always lit up the inspiration in him to paint. It’s been so long since he painted something that brightened his day.

Steve leaned against his motorcycle while Bucky stopped in front of him with his hands shoved into his pockets.

“Are you okay, pal?” the dark-haired asked. “You know you can talk to me, Stevie,” Bucky squeezed Steve’s shoulder comfortably when the blond acquiesced. “Remember, I’m with you till the end of the line, pal.” Steve sighed.

“I know, Buck. I’m fine,” Steve reassured him, putting on the helmet. “Thank Peggy for the dinner for me, will you?” Steve mounted on the bike.

“See you tomorrow,” Bucky answered, nodding.

Their apartment in Brookly wasn’t far from Peggy’s restaurant, so Steve was home in twelve minutes, maybe even less. The apartment was the same way when he left this morning, but Steve could see it wasn’t so messy as he thought it was. He washed the plates and got the old packages Bucky left on the coffee table.

It wasn’t a tiring day, Steve thought. Stark was a professional, he knew exactly what to do and his best angles in front of a camera. Steve was sure that the photos were highly professional. However, what Steve really couldn’t stop thinking was about the billionaire’s body through his camera. God damn it, Tony Stark was hot as fuck. The way the lights hit his tanned skin, and his hair fell slightly on his forehead, his abs and the muscles of his thighs contracted when in determining position, Steve could feel his cock throbbing only with the thought, and he couldn’t help but feel ashamed of himself to think in the other man in that way.

Steve didn’t know what it was, he couldn’t deny the attraction he was feeling towards the other man, though. He pulled out the magazine from his bag. What the hell was he doing? This wasn’t professional at all. He flipped through the pages, looking at the dry vanilla mark on the page, which now had also a phone number in harsh handwriting along with the sentence ‘you know who I am’. Steve knew, of course, who it was.

He took his phone and typed the number there. He would not call, of course not, but he thought it might be good to have that number there, just in case. He sighed. It’s going to be a long month of photoshoots with Tony Stark.

* * *

Steve was the first patient of the day. He had scheduled his appointment in the first hour of the morning. Doctor Banner wasn’t a man who got late, so as soon as the man entered the office Steve was called. His therapist was a short man with wavy, black hair. That man has seven different Ph.Ds., and he used to work for the military a few years ago before some incidents related to his anger issues, and he was forced to quit, opening his own office after.

“Good morning, Steve. How are you doing?” Bruce Banner sat in a chair in front of Steve, placing the soldier’s medical record in the coffee table that separates them and held the clipboard.

“I’m doing okay, doctor, and you?” Steve asked politely.

“I’m good, Steve, thank you for asking me,” Banner gave him a shy smile. Another fact about his therapist was that despite his anger issues, the man was an introvert. Steve found it odd to be a doctor where you have to deal with different people, and their issues, all the time. “So, are you taking your sleeping pills? Are they still helping you?”

“Yes, I am. And yes, they are,” Steve replied.

“You look tired. Nightmares?”

“No, not exactly the main cause. I-uh-I’m on a new job,” Steve said. Banner leaned in interest.

“That’s good news. How's it going?”

“Hm, good, I think. People are nice there, everything looks good so far.”

“Are you satisfied with your new job?” Banner asked.

“Yes. I’ve been meeting new people there, you know, trying to get in the civilian life again,” Steve explained. “Wanda, an intern, asked me to a party a few days ago. It was nice and I had the chance to meet the rest of the staff. It’s going to be almost a week. I'm working there, so I believe it’s been a good achievement.”

“I’m glad to hear it. A good and calm environment it’s important to manage the PTSD,” Banner clarified, even though Steve already knew that. Steve took a deep breath, uncertain of how to progress with the next subject he wanted to talk about.

“I might need advice on a subject,” Steve breaths out. Banner nodded, leaning closer and waiting for Steve to proceed. “There’s this guy I’ve just met yesterday. He’s being nice at me and all, even though people talk badly about him. I dunno. He asked me out, but I’m not sure,” Steve sighed. “He looks like someone worth knowing. I… just haven’t been involved with anyone for a long time now.”

“What’s holding you back, then?” Banner asked. “If you don’t get the chance to meet this guy, then you’ll never know if what people say about him it’s true.”

Bruce Banner wasn’t wrong, after all. He was judging Tony by what he read or heard people saying about him. Perhaps… perhaps he should have accepted the invitation. A drink wasn’t too much. He could try and talk to Tony, maybe apologized. What the hell? He’s done nothing wrong to apologize, maybe…

“Steve, are you with me?” Bruce asked him, watching Steve up to his glasses.

“I’m sorry. I got distracted,” Steve shifted on the small couch. “So, you think I should move forward and accept it?”

“That’s up to you, Steve. If you feel like it, why not? If you don’t, just let it clear to him. Do what you feel comfortable with,” Bruce explained. Steve acquiesced.

“Social interactions will help you to find your place in society after the Army, Captain. You don’t have to live like you’re in danger all the time. Take your time. Relax. Talk to people, and move on,” Banner said. “It’s not going to be easy, but it’s a step forward and close to reality.”

“Thank you, doctor Banner.”

Steve left the office feeling a little better. He scheduled his next appointment for the next month. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it, even though talking to Banner had helped him to clear the mental chaos inside his head. The blond caught himself wondering: why not?

* * *

When he entered the studio. Tony Stark was still covered in a robe, talking animatedly to Natasha. He seemed to be in a better mood than yesterday, so Steve hoped he could chat with him and apologize for what happened.

“Captain,” Stark said when he saw him.

“Mr.Stark,” Steve greeted, frowning because he can’t remember telling Stark he was in the Army, maybe Natasha had told him, so this meant they were talking about him? “Ready?” Tony smirked and nodded.

Steve can’t help the way he looks at Tony as the man took off the brown floral brocade robe. He stretched his arms above his head, flexing the muscles on his back. Steve notices for the first time a narrow line on the man’s chest. Steve frowns. Surely that thin scar could be erased on photoshop, not a problem for the photos, but he wonders if Tony has some kind of heart problem.

The lights reflected on that brunet skin, making the man look hotter than ever. Steve also notices that they combed Tony’s hair differently today, though he still looks good this way. Steve waves his hand.

“Turn around,” Steve said, and Tony smirked. It wasn’t just a smirk, it was a naughty smirk, and Steve thanked God that the lights are focusing on Tony, otherwise, everyone would be able to see the heat on his cheeks. “Cross your arms, huh,” Tony did as told, but it wasn’t as Steve visualized it. “Huh, not like this, uh,” Steve let the camera hang from his neck.

“Then, show me,” Tony dare say.

Steve saw Wanda and Natasha exchanging curious glancings. Steve walked to the middle of the scenario where Tony was standing. When he reached the other man, he noticed Tony was shorter than him, and it looked adorable. Those brown eyes looking up at him. Steve joined Tony’s hands together as if they were holding something in the air, he hesitated before he touched the exposed skin on the billionaire’s hips. Steve turned it a little more to the left following the extension of the man’s arms and aligning it in a way his thighs were prominent.

Steve blinked, looking like he walked off a trance and going back to his position. He was sure that by the seconds’ Steve took to go back in the line of lights, Tony had changed the angle to let his ass far more evident. Steve wanted to laugh before the boldness, however, Tony certainly has a round ass, and Steve caught wondering how the model would look naked on his bed.

No. No. He couldn’t think about it now, Steve thought. He kneeled, started to photograph again. However, the view down there was more tempting. He shouldn’t think about Tony like that. He barely knew the man, except for the information he heard or read on that magazine and the fact that Tony paid for his frappuccino without second-thought.

“Tony, you’re sweating. We should fix the makeup again, and pick another outfit,” Natasha called.

Steve put the camera on the desk.

“Can you clean up these lenses, please?” Steve asked Wanda. He didn’t wait for her answer, instead, he walked to the restroom.

The soldier threw a generous amount of water on his face, rubbing his face harshly, trying to disperse the blush on his cheeks and failing at it. He can’t help but feel ashamed for his behavior. He should not look like a teenager lavishing hormones. Steve takes a deep breath, in and out just like he was told to do. C'mon, he was in the Army, he should be more disciplined.

There's a knock on the door.

“Are you okay?” That voice belongs to the reason for his nervousness. “Steve?” Steve inhaled, then exhaled slowly before opening the door, and facing Tony. “Hey,” the man said. “You left in a hurry, I thought--”

“I’m good, thanks for asking,” Steve replied.

Tony frowned, it seemed like he was calculating all the variations in this simple situation.

“I-uh, I think we got on the wrong foot,” Tony said, surprising Steve. “I’m sorry for asking you out, I shouldn’t--”

“No, no. It’s fine. I should be the one apologizing,” Steve cut him off. “I don’t drink, I--I, I guess I was rude with you, you could never know it.”

“Yeah, I--,” Tony breathed. “Would you like to take a coffee? After the photoshoot, of course. if you’re free, and, also I mean if you want to--”

“I’d like it very much,” Steve quickly replied, smiling.

Tony smiled back, nodding satisfied. They entered the studio together.

* * *

In the afternoon, they slowly migrated from the boxer photoshoots to a winter photoshoot, which meant Tony was more covered than he has been in those last two days. Not that it matters, the man was handsome with or without clothes on. So, when Steve finished the photos, he uploaded them to the computer in his office, he felt weird saying ‘his office’, the soldier wasn’t used to calling something of his in a workplace.

Steve leaves at 05 p.m., and Tony said he had an appointment with someone and his driver would drive him and make sure he would be back in time. According to what he had heard of Natasha, Tony was used to getting late everywhere he goes. Steve edited some photos, fixing the illumination and tons of colors.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Steve looked up to see Natasha at the door frame.

“I’m good, thanks, uh, what about you?” he asked, unsure of what to say to the woman who was his boss. 

Natasha stepped in and sat on a couch in the room where Steve leaves his bag every morning.

“Good,” Natasha mumbled. “I’m going straight to the point, Steve,” she declared. “Is Tony bothering you?” Steve frowned at the question. “You looked uncomfortable today.”

“It’s--” he breathed in, what is it? “It’s nothing. I--I don’t know. It’s nothing.”

Natasha faced him, he wasn’t able to read any emotions on her face. The red-haired leaned in, watching him.

“Look, we respect everyone here beyond their sexual orientation, the color of skin, religion, or nationality. So, if Tony bothers you, you need to tell me,” Natasha explained. “He’s going through some shit, he just explained it to me today, and I--” Natasha sighed. “I really wish him the best, Steve. He’s a good person,” Steve observed a small tug in the corners of Natasha’s lips.

“I thought you said he was narcissistic and self-obsessed,” Steve joked, smiling.

Natasha laughed.

“Yeah, you can add impulsive in that list, too,” Natasha smiled. “When I first met Tony, he was a pain in the ass. He still is. But he has a good heart.”

“I think I see that, too,” Steve replied, remembering when Tony bought him a coffee and apologized for asking him out. Two things he had done out of nowhere just because he wanted to.

“Good,” the red-haired muttered, standing up. “Send these ones you’re editing to my email, will you?” Steve nodded affirmatively, throwing a thumbs up.

His phone buzzed as soon as Natasha left the office. Steve ignored it at first, thinking it was only Bucky asking if he would pass by Peggy’s today.

The phone buzzed again, and Steve swiped to unlock the screen. Oddly, the contact sending him messages was saved as Stark, and Steve remembered he saved the man’s number after having found it in the magazine last night. Steve opened it.

“Waiting for ya.” Tony’s pic wearing sunglasses. “Told ya I’d get here in time, soldier.”

Steve laughed, shaking his head. He looked down at the clock on the screen. 04:50 p.m. Steve saved the last edits and attached the files to Natasha. He closed every open browser tab carefully, making sure that all the alterations were saved. By the time, he turned off the computer it was 04:54 p.m. He threw his bag on the shoulder, and looked for the keys in the bottom of it, locking the door. Wanda probably already left, so Steve walked to Natasha’s office, knocking twice.

“I sent them,” he warned her. Natasha smiled and muttered a ‘thank you’ in response.

Steve waited for the elevator, tapping the tip of his shoes on the floor nervously. He was excited, more than he should be, actually. He came back six months, and since then he’d never get out with anyone. Even when he was in the Army, things weren’t easy for him. They would never be, Steve knew it. Tony showed an interest, and Steve was holding up on it. He was willing to give it a chance, despite Tony’s scandals involving other models, and important people. He decided he should take Banner’s advice and try to know him, at least.

“Hi,” Steve said. Tony was leaning against the car’s door.

“Hi,” Tony said, stepping forward. He opened the door. “Shall we?”

“Where are we going?” Steve asked, getting in the car.

“I told you,” Tony sat by his side. “We’re gonna grab a coffee. Happy, you know where,” Tony said, and Steve noticed for the first time the short, chubby, and slightly bald man in a suit. Happy, apparently, nodded and muttered a ‘Yes, boss.’

“Long day, I suppose,” Tony said nonchalantly. “How has it been? Working in SHIELD, I mean.”

“So far, it’s all great. It’s my first week,” Steve replied.

“Welcome to the team, then.” 

The rest of the ride was made in awkward silence. Steve kept his look out of the window, observing the polluted and busy Manhattan out there. Buildings passing by them endlessly. Then, Happy, the driver, turned a street, and it looked like a new side of the city he had never seen before. The street was filled with coffee shops in a french style.

“Here we are, boss,” Happy said, turning around lightly.

“Thanks, Happy,” Tony opened the door, and Steve followed him. He looked at Steve as they walked together on the sidewalk. “Have you been to Paris?” The billionaire stopped in front of a bistro. The soldier memorized the name of the establishment,  _ Café - Les années 40 _ .

The place had an old atmosphere, and the song playing in the background is capable of driving anyone back to the forties. The space outside had flowers decorating it, and a blackboard worked as a menu. As soon as they sat down, a waitress came over to take their order.

“Good evening, Mr. Stark,” she greeted, then turned to Steve. “Sir. What’s your order today?” 

“Hi, Mandy,” Tony greeted, as Steve’s eyes were on the menu, which was mostly filled with French words he didn’t quite understand. He had taken French classes years ago. “I’d take the same. Can you bring some of those eclairs, please?” Tony ordered. “Steve?”

Steve looked back at Tony at the mention of his name.

“A café mocha, please,” he finally said.

“I’d take something less sweet if I were you,” Tony advised, a smile on the face. Steve didn’t like to be contradicted, though. He surely didn’t like Tony making choices for him on their first date.

First date? This is not a date, Steve tells himself. He is just going out with the man he works with. Okay, this definitely sounds like a date.

“I’m fine with the mocha coffee,” Steve assured him. Tony smirked, and the waitress took in their order.

There’s another moment of awkward silence. Steve wasn’t a good one at talking, Bucky said it himself. It seems like he was hiding, when, in fact, he had absolutely no clue of what to say next.

“Do you come here often?” Steve asked, and he wants to punch himself in the face, because, really? Is that the way he expects to keep a conversation?

For his relief, Tony only nodded.

“Yes, I--,” Tony stutters. “It’s one of my favorite places in town. I mean, after my lab.”

Steve acquiesced, thinking about his favorite places in New York. Well, he liked the Metropolitan Museum, and Peggy’s restaurant was a good, familiar place, too. Central Park? Yes, he can add it to his mental list. And his bedroom where he could paint, and sketch. If he had one, he would say a studio.

Steve leans forward, placing his hand on the table, and staring at Tony.

“You’re an engineer,” he affirms. “Why did you become an engineer?” Steve dare ask.

“I thought it was a friend’s magazine,” Tony replied, and Steve can’t help the blush that takes over his face. The blond shrugged. “My father,” Tony finally said. “He used to build weapons for the military. I took over his company when he died. I manufactured weapons for a while, then, I decided to migrate for clean energy.”

Steve can see that there’s more in this meantime, but he doesn’t push forward. He has no right, after all. He should take all the info Tony’s willing to tell him.

“What about you? Why did you become a photographer?” Tony asked.

Thankfully, that was an easy one. He would not choose photography over arts if he had had enough money, but he didn’t, so it would be easier for him to get money as a photographer than as an artist. Though, Steve never really gave up on his dream. Maybe, one day he’d get the chance to make it come true. He hoped so.

“I wanted to be an artist. That’s the closest I got to,” Steve shrugged, watching the impassible face of Tony, no emotions showing on the outside.

“So, you got in the military,” Tony stated like this kind of information was obvious, which left Steve highly suspicious of how the man even knew it. 

“How do you even know it?”

Before Tony could answer his question, the waitress appeared, bringing an espresso and a mocha along with some sweets that Steve supposed was what Tony had called éclairs. They were made of a sweet paste, the filling was vanilla, Steve supposed. The éclairs were covered in chocolate, some had sprinkles on the top of it. Tony doesn’t answer it after he thanked the waitress, instead, he takes an éclair and leads it to his mouth, shutting his eyes for a few seconds before he looks back at Steve. The blond coughed in an attempt to disguise the fact that he had been watching Tony all the time. He takes a sip of his sweet coffee.

“I found it in your file in the company system,” Tony shrugged like it was nothing. Steve raised a questioning brow, trying to understand how the hell the man had access to these files. “They should reinforce their cybersecurity system. It sucks.”

That’s all the explanation Steve got. Of course, Tony had PhDs in physics, mechanical engineering, and electrical engineering at MIT, Steve remembered that information from the magazine. The guy in front of him had gotten into college when he was 15. He was (or he is) a freaking genius. Steve just hasn’t thought that the man would hack the company system where he works. 

“Right,” he muttered.

Tony places an elbow over the table, leaning forward. The wind was getting stronger in November’s evenings, messing the billionaire hair, though he doesn’t seem to care about it. Tony takes other éclairs.

“Have you tried these ones?” Tony held the sweet in front of Steve. “They’re originally French. Trust me, they’re irresistible during an afternoon walk in Paris. I’m pretty sure that’s the only place in New York that can produce éclairs similar to those in Paris, in texture and taste.”

Steve raised his hand to get the éclair, but Tony shook his head, offering the one in his hand. The thing was, Steve wasn’t going to tolerate it, so instead, he took one from the tray on the table, and gave it a bite. Tony leaned back with a smirk on his face, chewing the one he had in his hands. Tony’s watching him, he’s waiting for a reaction, anything. Steve felt the sweetness invading his mouth, however, it doesn’t make him sick. The sugar seemed to melt in his tongue. The chocolate 60% cacao, Steve supposed it was at least this percent, balanced perfectly the sweetness.

“So?” Tony asked, sipping his espresso.

It seemed impossible for Steve to contain the emotions that that simple sweet caused him. He can’t help the silly smile tugging the corners of his lips.

“I shouldn’t have ordered the mocha coffee.”

Tony winked in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't post next week. Sorry, but it's gonna be a little complicated for me. Anyway, I wish y'all a Happy New Year, and stay safe!  
> Thank you for reading.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back to the weekly updates. Yay!  
> Enjoy it.

A week had passed when Steve decided to tell anyone about his ‘date’ with Tony Stark.

He didn’t want his friends to create an expectation. Fuck, he doesn’t even want to create any expectations himself. It was just a date, what does it matter if they had texted each other the entire week? It means nothing. People went out all the time.

However, Steve couldn’t deny his interest in the other man. There was a mysterious atmosphere around Tony, guiding Steve into it, and he didn’t know if he should be scared of it. He was 30 years old, and maybe he should focus on getting in business. Finding some more solidness instead of getting involved with someone like a teenage boy. It doesn’t mean anything, Steve remembers himself. But why was he so eager to talk to someone about Tony?

Steve had seen the man all week, in and out of work. They had talked, texted, and Steve had even agreed to go out for a drink someday. They were getting to know each other. Turns out, Dr. Banner was right about it and made him feel good. Steve was more excited about doing things than he had been in months. Also, Tony wasn’t a dick as people used to describe him.

In the afternoon, they got out earlier from the studio set. Tony had asked him if he had something to do. Steve actually did, he had promised that he would watch the Dodgers match with Bucky, even though Steve loved the baseball team and his best friend, it is not every day that Tony Stark asks you out, right?

Right. That’s why Steve said ‘it depends where you’re gonna take me’ as a challenge. It should be better to be worthy of his time and the Dodgers’ game he was about to miss. Tony hadn’t said anything, he just opened the car door and waited for Steve to take the passenger seat, which he did.

Tony’s car smelled like wood and mint, a comforting scent, Steve would define it as home. Then, Tony asked him to put on some music on the radio while the blond passed the stations he heard one where the speaker was narrating the Dodgers’ game. Tony must have realized Steve took longer to change it because when Steve would press the button forward Tony held his wrist.

“It’s okay. I want to know who’s winning.” it was clearly a lie, though Steve didn’t replicate it.

They heard the game until Tony stopped in front of a large brick building. The place looked beautiful with the flashes of sunlight spread over the walls and peeking through the almost naked trees. Steve tried to memorize the details of it for a later sketch, or even a painting if he was inspired to do it so. However, it changed when they walked inside, and Steve stood a few feet away while Tony talked to the receptionist. The brunet handed over a badge of a visitor to Steve.

They walked down the corridors. Steve heard some cries, and later two kids wearing costumes passed running by them. Then, Steve suddenly realized they were in an orphanage. Why were they in an orphanage?

“They are rehearsing for the Christmas play today,” Tony offered. “Stark Industries gives support to this local. Also, I promised Peter I would be here,” Steve nodded.

It was an odd place to take someone you barely know, but Steve found it amusing when they entered the giant area where a small stage was set up. Kids were playing with plastic swords, and capes flying around. In a corner, Steve saw some of the girls wearing a crown, and others were wielding a sword fiercely to stop the boys to bother the other girls.

“Mr. Stark,” a pitchy voice hit Steve’s ears when a kid came running in their direction, and Tony knelt to hold him.

“Hey, kiddo,” the boy who Steve supposed was Peter, pulled away, tucking the curly hair falling onto his forehead behind. “You grow up what? 10 centimeters since I last saw you?” Tony played with the boy, and Steve couldn’t hold his smile.

“Not that much yet. 4 centimeters, actually!” Peter replied excitedly.

Tony stood up, ruffling the boy’s hair. Peter giggled.

“Steve, this is Peter Parker.”

That’s the moment Steve knew that everyone else was highly wrong about Tony Stark. Yes, he could be involved in scandals, and the fact that his past as a weapons manufacturer was on his back, but the man has a heart. A great one.

Tony had told him that Peter’s parents died years ago in a plane crash, then his uncle was murdered, and his aunt had passed away last year due to an infectious disease, leaving the poor boy alone in this big world. Tony met him in one of the visits he did with his assistant, Pepper Potts, and he just fell for the kid. According to Tony, Peter was a great student, even though he put himself into fights for defending the youngest kids from bullies. It remembered Steve of himself. They laughed together as Steve told him some of the fights he got in and his friend Bucky had to stop and drag him back home.

On the other hand, Tony told him about his time at MIT, the troubles he was putting himself into, and how his friend Rhodey, like Tony, called him, was always around to save his ass. Tony had sour humor, everything he speaks is filled with irony, which sometimes bothers Steve, though he can’t deny that sometimes he finds it amusing. How Tony never cared about what people tell of him.

“Steve?” Peggy asked, bringing the soldier back to the reality he hadn’t even realized he had left behind minutes ago. What was Peggy even talking about before?

The soldier blinked, looking at Peggy in front of him. She had a furrow between her brows, and a concerned gaze directed to Steve.

“Sorry, I-I--” He couldn’t find a justification for his absence. Steve sighed, looking at his hands over the counter.

He had come over for a wedding celebration of Peggy's friend that would be taking place at Peggy’s restaurant. Peggy contacted him to make the photos, which was fine. He should probably be back at home by now, instead, he volunteered to help clean up as much as they could. Then, Peggy started talking about her niece that was born two weeks ago, and Steve lost himself in his own thoughts about Tony and the kids he had seen in that orphanage.

He remembered thinking how kindhearted Tony was for visiting those children, making sure they were being fed, playing with them, and helping with the Christmas Play. If someone had told him that Tony Stark, the playboy he had read about in the magazine, was helping others, not only because they were getting close to Christmas and he wanted to promote his company with charities, but because Tony helped that institution for years, he had been visiting them every year, providing funds, etc. Well, it would be a hard time to convince Steve of that. But no. Tony took him in, showed him off, made Steve believes he could do better. That was inspiring.

When he got home that night, Steve took the sketchbook he put aside right when he came back from Afghanistan. When he believed the world was only chaos, bad guys, and people surviving. There was no recovery from what he had seen on a battlefield, and those scenes would be stuck in his memory forever. Suddenly, life didn’t have beauty anymore. War destroys men, it did to Bucky, then, to Steve.

He sketched the playground, the kids running around, Peter’s face with his messy hair, and round, flushed cheeks. That night, Steve felt happier than he ever did since he came back home. He wishes he had more good days like this.

“What are you thinking about?” Peggy asked, sitting by his side, she smiled. “Or maybe, should I ask who you are thinking of?”

Steve couldn’t hold the smile that appeared on his face when he thought of Tony, well, it looks like someone has a crush. He knew there was no going back, his face betrayed himself, and Peggy’s smile widened.

“Steve Rogers, how could you not tell me? Or Bucky?” Peggy waved her hands, a bit shocked. Her pitchy British accent getting stronger at the end of the sentence. The soldier sighed.

“I’m just seeing someone. It’s nothing serious, he’s not the type that gets serious with someone,” Steve explained, because that was true, right? Everyone warned him about it. Peggy’s smile faded.

“Who is he?”

Steve opened his mouth to start to describe Tony or to find a way to describe the billionaire, when the TV, in an acceptable volume for the hour, showed an image of Tony Stark leaving a nightclub. A tall, blonde girl is on his heels, a journalist, Steve supposed, then she is pushed aside by a tall black man in a uniform and Tony’s driver and bodyguard, Happy Hogan. There are too many lights upon Tony. Steve can see clearly that his shirt is smudged by something, it also has wrinkles, which makes the soldier that he was involved in a fight. Tony’s hair was messier than usual, and by his walking, Steve could tell that he was drunk as fuck.

Steve sighed longly, unable to disguise his disappointment. Peggy looked back at him.

“Wait. Is he Tony Stark?” She asked, a bit incredulous. “I mean, your fella, of course.” Steve nodded affirmatively. “Oh, God… You’re hanging out with Tony Stark. I see why you said he doesn’t get serious.” Peggy sighed. “Oh, Steve. How long do you know him?”

“A week,” Steve replied. “It’s just… he’s more than what the TV shows.”

“I’m sure he is. You’ve always been good at judgments,” Peggy reached out for his hand, squeezing it slightly and comforting. “But, are you ready for that?” She motioned towards the TV. “He’s too much trouble. Do you think you can handle one now?” Peggy raised her brows. “I worry about you, Steve. Bucky said you’d been doing great improvements since you came back. Don’t waste it away. I know you’re the selfless type, but please, don’t put this man over your mental health, okay? You need to take care of yourself,” Peggy was good at advising, and Steve could see her point.

She was right. Could he handle the amount of trouble Tony brings in? He wasn’t sure. It was true that he was starting to cultivate feelings towards the brunet, and he couldn’t deny that it scared him how in such little time he could admit he cared about the billionaire. Love is a weird and scary thing, right?

What the hell was he talking about? Love. Love is too much, and Tony is too much. He couldn’t fall with the man. Not right now that Steve’s life was coming back to the rails. Peggy was right, he should focus on his health now. However, she was also right about Steve being a selfless person, he had heard it plenty of times. He wanted to help Tony because some days, the man looked so distressed. Steve could identify it even though the messages they’ve been exchanging. The self-confident Tony Stark everyone else knew, he looked fragile by Steve’s eyes, close to breakdown.

“I’ll take care of myself, Peggy, I promise you. It’s just…,” Steve tried to find a way to articulate his sentence. “I like him. He’s nice and all. Maybe, it’s because I haven’t been with someone for a while now, but--I really like him.”

Peggy’s smile was fond, though her brown eyes were still filled with concern. 

“I only wish you the best, Steve,” Her smile widened, and she put her other hand over that one that was holding Steve’s. “If you need anything, we’re here to support you. Me and Bucky, and Sam, and whoever else.”

Steve grinned.

“I know, I know,” he muttered in response. Steve stood up, taking his camera. “Thanks, Peggy.” Steve hugged her.

“Anytime,” the woman replied.

Steve walked back to the apartment. He wanted to enjoy the fresh, cold air to think about what he should do. It seems that everyone was telling him to run away from trouble, although Steve was never the kind of running, even when he was just a scrawny kid in Brooklyn when he graduated and decided to enlist himself in spite of all his health issues. Steve wanted to do what was right, even though right now, he doesn’t know what is right. Should he run? Should he insist? Should he give in? He doesn’t know, and it scares him more than anything. Of course, he didn’t have all the answers about life, but he hated when he wasn’t sure about what decision he should take, after all, he was a Captain and people expected him to make the decisions.

Steve showed up at work at the same hour he did every morning. Everyone was commenting on Stark’s latest news. From what Steve understood, apparently, the billionaire had gotten in a fight with a man, called Justin Hammer, and also, his adversary in the company business, the other man dared to make some unpleasant comments about Tony’s sexual orientation, it wasn’t the first time, though, and Hammer is used to getting away easily. So far, Steve understood the feeling. He had heard a lot about himself when he was growing up, and in the Army, the kind of comments in which he clenched his fists, and gritted his teeth to keep himself together. The journalist, however, seemed to be after something related to personal information, which Tony chose not to comment.

Tony also chose not to show up for work today, without any justification, he just wasn’t answering calls or texts, and his assistant just told everyone he was unavailable. Natasha wasn’t happy about it, so Steve just spent the rest of the day editing photos, working along with Natasha, and listening to her complaining about Tony and everything else she was pissed off.

“He’s always like this. He’s reckless, and a mess and he fucks everyone’s work here. We have a schedule, and I have people demanding when we’re going to release the new boxer collection, which is already late,” Natasha was almost yelling in the room.

“I’m sorry,” Steve told her.

“No, no, no. It’s not your fault. God,” Natasha rubbed her forehead, massaging her temples. “Why does he have to be so irresponsible?” She wonders. “I had journalists calling here to know if we’re going to keep Tony Stark as the model campaign after what happened yesterday,” Natasha massaged her temples in circles.

“Are you?” Steve asked. Natasha raised her head in his direction.

“What?”

“Are you going to keep Tony in the campaign?” Steve glanced at the computer in front of him where there was Tony Stark only wearing boxers, he clicked to save the edition.

“Yes. I don’t have another option. I’m so done with Tony,” Natasha said, standing up with her cellphone in her hands. She left the room, leaving Steve by himself with his work.

-

Steve couldn’t help but wonder where the hell was Tony. It has been three days already, and the man hasn’t answered his texts nor his calls. Steve hated calling people, he tried but his only answer was the voicemail. So, Steve was surprised when someone else entered the elevator at the last minute. That, someone, was no one less than Tony Stark. The billionaire was wearing sunglasses, and Steve could spot a hickey on the right side of his neck, the model was holding a coffee, a vanilla frappuccino Steve smelled.

They didn’t say anything to each other at first, at the measure people left the small space to their due floors, and Steve could stay alone with Tony, he didn’t hesitate.

“Tony, are you okay? I heard--” Steve began, but stopped himself when Tony chuckled, and took off his sunglasses, revealing dark bags under his eyes due to lack of sleep.

“Do I look okay, Rogers?” Tony asked harshly.

“I’m sorry?” Steve raised his brow, surprised by Tony’s tone.

Tony chuckled again, then tsk-tsked.

“You’re a good guy, Steve. If you were intelligent, then you know that’s better to stay away from me,” Tony shook his head. “I break everyone who gets near to me, honestly, I don’t wanna break you, too.”

Steve looked at the man as the words sank in. What’s he talking about? Breaking him? How can he break him if he’s already broken? He has been broken even before the war, but the thing is, Tony had no idea. They barely knew each other, how could he know?

The doors opened and Tony stepped out. Steve followed him and grabbed his wrist.

“Why do you keep doing it to yourself, Tony?” Steve tilted his head, trying to understand that one of the richest men in New York City was just another miserable man in front of him. Because money can’t buy happiness, and it was clear to Steve that Tony has been falling apart for so long, and no one had cared enough to join those fragments. “Being so reckless. Remember when we went out, to the cafeteria, then to that orphanage, I-I-I can’t understand it. You looked like someone else. I don’t know. Then, the next day you screwed up, and you simply don’t care. I--, please, Tony, help me to understand you.”

Those brown eyes connected with Steve’s blue ones. For a moment, Steve thought that Tony would start talking, his eyes were telling him that he was willing to say something, anything. Then, all of sudden they became harsh and regretful. Tony bit his lower lip, pulling his wrist from Steve’s grasp.

“Maybe another day.”

Then, Tony walked away in the direction of the photography studio. Steve took a deep breath, he can’t be mad at Tony. He has no right to be mad at him. Yes, they are hanging out with each other, nothing happened, though. That’s it, so no, he can’t demand an answer or anything. Steve just needed to wait for Tony to open up with him when he felt comfortable. This is so complicated.

That’s why Steve didn’t want to mix his personal and professional life. Look at the mess he was in right now. Tony was the model he had to photograph, even though the brunet just told him to stay away, he couldn’t. He couldn’t because it affects their jobs. Oh, Lord, this is such a huge mess.

The awkwardness was the word of the day.

Awkwardness, because Tony barely looked at him all day, even though his eyes were fixed in the camera photographing him. Awkwardness, because they barely exchanged words during all the photoshoot, which was unusual. Tony was always telling jokes to make everyone laugh or flirting with Steve. Awkwardness, when Pepper Potts showed up in the middle of the afternoon saying she has urgent matters to talk to Tony about his company. That’s meant that he left earlier. Natasha thanked him for his patience. His work was done for the day.

Awkwardness, that’s what Steve felt when he got in the apartment, and Bucky stared at him, knowing very well that something was wrong.

“Why the long face?” Bucky asked, turning down the TV’s volume.

Steve sighed, throwing himself on the couch beside Bucky, and pulling the popcorn bucket from the dark-haired hands with a protest of ‘hey, that’s mine.’

“I had a shitty day at work. I’m sure I need it more than you,” Steve replied, shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

Bucky furrowed. “What happened?”

“There’s this guy I met a few days ago at work. Peggy said he’s trouble--” Steve started to say.

“Wait. Did you tell Peggy before me?” Bucky put his hand over his heart. Steve can’t help the smile that appears on his face as he rolls his eyes.

“Anyway, he told me to stay away from him.”

Steve pulled his cellphone when it chimed, hopefully, waiting for a message from Tony. Disappointment is evident on his face when Natasha sent him a text saying they will focus on women’s winter collections for the rest of the week.

“He’s an idiot,” Bucky said. “He’ll realize his mistake. If he won’t come back, then he was the mistake you get rid of,” the dark-haired concluded.

Steve rubbed his hand on the face, making a mess of his blonde hair, and realizing that his beard was growing again. He probably should shave it off before Thanksgiving in two weeks.

“Yeah. I think so,” the blond replied, not wanting to talk further about the subject.

Bucky nodded in agreement, patting Steve on the shoulder when he stood up, going to the kitchen’s direction.

“Hey, Peggy sent a couple of french sweets,” Bucky yelled, appearing in the doorway with a pot.

“Macarons?” Steve asked. French sweets are marvelous and tasteful on their own, and Peggy’s own version of them was just incredible.

“Huh, no. She called them éclairs,” Bucky shoved a chocolate éclair with red sprinkles in the mouth.

Steve shook his head. It’s awful when the people we want to forget are present even in small things, such as a dessert.

“I' m not hungry.”

-

Steve didn’t see Tony for the rest of the week. The other man did what he was told, he stayed away from Steve, even if the blond man didn’t want it. Steve, however, didn’t insist, he decided that it was better to give Tony some space, they weren’t close, and Steve pretended he didn’t mind the distance when he actually missed Tony’s jokes at work.

Along the week, Steve resisted the impulse of calling Tony and asked if the brunet was okay. He didn’t text either. No, instead, Steve worked hard since some photos of the new collection would be released in the next week, and he stayed tuned on Instagram, which was apparently the only way of knowing about Stark.

Steve scrolled down the Instagram feed, stopping at the most recent picture of Tony. A long road with white mountains in the background. The location marked that the picture was taken in New Zealand. Basically, on the other side of the world, it looked unreachable, for Steve’s reality.

Was Tony still in New Zealand for the company matters his assistant talked about? He didn’t know, but there was so much he didn’t know. Steve’s finger hovered over the picture for a while before he touched twice on the screen and a white heart appeared up on the photo. He just wished Tony talked to him, he wished the man confided in him, but how could Steve be a good confidant for someone if he wasn’t a good one for himself?

Steve sighed, putting his phone down on the bed he was laying on. He looked to the blank canvas close illuminated by the street lights near to the window. It was almost midnight, but NY is a 24 hours functioning city, so the sirens were loud in the background, and people were talking and celebrating the weekend in the bars nearby. Not Steve, though. Steve was alone in an apartment in Brooklyn. Bucky went to Peggy’s, and Steve thought that he needed to get used to the solitude once his friends finally got married.

Steve ran his fingers through his hair, at the same moment, his phone chimed on his side. Steve looked at the name on the screen like he was seeing a ghost. Tony Stark’s name glows on the screen. Steve looked at it as if hours had passed when it was only a couple of seconds. He imagined the call was about to decline when he finally took it.

“Tony?” Steve asked uncertainly what expects from the man who told him to stay away, but who was calling him right now.

“Steve,” Tony replied, and it took a while for him to speak again. “I--I-I wanted to apologize for my behavior, you know, huh, almost a week ago.”

“It’s okay. You wanted me to stay away, so I did,” Steve sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry, Steve. You’re right, I'm an idiot. I’ve been doing through some shit these past months, but it doesn’t justify the way I treated you,” Tony sounded regretful. “I’ll be back next week, can we--we, huh, have dinner together?”

Steve opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. He swallowed past the lump in his throat after the invitation.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Tony,” Steve told him, even though the only thing he wanted to say was ‘yes’.

Tony sighed on the other side of the line.

“Okay,” the brunet said. “I really want to get to know you, Steve, but I’ll understand if we don’t.”

What did Steve want? Did he know?

“I just don’t want to rush things like we’ve been doing,” Steve said. “I’m not looking for a nightstand, Tony, and I surely don’t wanna be one.”

“I’m sorry if I’ve passed the wrong impressions.”

Steve sat up, looking at the building outside the window. He can’t help the smile that appears on his face after that sentence. In the call background, he heard someone talking to Tony.

“Are you busy?” Steve asked, afraid of interrupting something important, even though it was Tony who called him. Tony clicks his tongue.

“Nops. You’re more important.” Steve feels his cheeks warming up, although Tony is not there to see him. “I should leave you to sleep. It’s late”

“Okay,” Steve said. “See you next week, then?”

“See you next week, Steve,” they went silent, both listening to their breaths on the phone, till the line eventually went mute.

Steve laid down on the bed, with his phone by his side again. He stared at the white ceiling, then closed his eyes because he thought he was not able to control the flow of thoughts running through his mind right now. He was glad that for once, Tony had acted like a grown-up and talked to Steve instead of keeping running away. Steve wished everything was easier like this. Perhaps, one day, he would get his happy ending as Bucky and Peggy did.

Steve fumbled under his bed and pulled out his sketchbook, a dear friend long time no see. Sketching helped him during his time in the army. Sketching helped him get through a sick childhood. Sketching, and the painting was in all important moments of his life, this wouldn’t be different now. He opened it on a blank page, reaching for a pencil on his nightstand, and he started to draw that elegant beard he had memorized all the traits, those features engraved in his mind.

-

The rain has been falling non-stop since the morning, which made Steve decline any plans for a morning run. Actually, he has been neglecting his workouts since the temperature started to fall. Winter is coming. Thanksgiving is closer. That meant more people in the streets, and Christmas Carols could be heard in Times Square any time of the day by now. Tourists were arriving to enjoy the snow in the next few days, and traffic was awful as usual, except it was tenfold worse with the wet days.

Steve had his coffee in one of his hands, and his phone in the other one while he was typing ‘on my way’ to Natasha. He crossed the street, walking faster. He hated to get late anywhere. He was still typing when he bumped into someone, dropping his phone in a puddle of water from the former rain this morning.

“Sorry--Tony?” Steve said, looking at what looked like a mirage of the billionaire he had talked to on the weekend.

“Steve,” Tony replied, shoving his hands in the pocket. “I’m back.”

Steve nodded, then as if he was pulled out of a trance, he leaned down to catch his now soaked phone. The screen was black. It’s okay that he needed a new cell phone, and he had promised one to himself weeks ago, Gosh, almost a month ago, but does this one have to break right now?

Steve waved his hands, holding the cellphone.

“Yeah, I remember. I-I just didn’t expect to see you around here,” Steve looked up at Tony, dressed in expensive clothes that could probably pay a year or more of his rent. “Huh, didn’t you finish photographing the collection?”

Tony shrugged, smiling.

“Maybe,” Tony pointed to the phone in Steve’s hands. “Sorry about it.” Steve looked down at his hand.

“Yeah, me too.”

“How are you, Steve?”

“I’m doing good, Tony,” Steve replied, noticing the bags under Tony’s eyes. “You?” Tony looked away, towards the street where honks were the source of the city’s noise.

“I’m gonna be okay,” Tony looked down, then raised his eyes back to Steve. “I should not keep you,” Tony stepped forward, taking his hands out of the pockets. “Have a good day, Steve.”

Steve stood there, looking as Tony walked away, still trying to understand what had happened here. 1) Tony was back. 2) He didn’t have a cell phone anymore. 3) Did he just leave? Nothing else? Not a joke? Not an invitation? Not even a sassy comment? That was unbelievable.

Steve took a step forward in the direction the other man was going.

“Hey, Tony,” Steve shouted.

He watched as Tony turned around, his black hair all messy because of the winter wind.

“Do you wanna, huh, I don’t know, get a coffee or, huh, a milkshake today? After work?” Steve switched his weight from one foot to another, waiting expectantly for the answer. Tony grinned.

“Milkshake will do,” the genius winked, then continued his way.

Steve can’t help the satisfied smile that appears in the corner of his lips as he walks into the building.

\- 

“Getting a milkshake during the Winter season, maybe this wasn't a good idea,” Steve said, pulling down the sleeves.

The milkshake shop was almost empty, except for a family with two kids, and a woman typing on the phone, the emptiness wasn’t unusual during this time of the year. It wasn’t snowing yet, but as soon as it began, Steve knew that the milkshake would not see its best days until the next July.

“We can always find a good way to get warmed,” Tony replied, sipping his strawberry milkshake.

Steve hates himself for flushing before the comment. It’s his usual Tony Stark back. Wait, not his, Steve thought. He smiles in response.

“So, how was New Zealand?” Steve decided to change the subject.

“Incredibly warm compared to New York right now,” Tony smirked. “I’m glad you asked me out. I thought you would never want to see me again after that day in the elevator,” the genius admitted his uncertainty.

Steve huffed.

“At first, yes. Then, I understood you need space. We barely know each other, Tony. I have no right to demand anything from you.”

“We texted a lot since I took you to that coffee,” Tony raised a brow. “Of course, we know each other, Rogers,” Tony leaned back against the seat.

Steve felt the will to roll his eyes, but he held on. Apparently, nowadays, text messages mean to know someone. Steve has to admit he’s kind of old-fashioned at this point. He prefers date nights, staying out until late, driving the person home, bringing flowers, maybe even dancing if he feels up to it. Tony, however, was the opposite of him, according to the TV programs. Tony meets someone, tells a few jokes, and gets laid the same night. Easy like that. Although, the man in front of him had never tried to do any of these things to him since they met. Yes, he sends dirty texts, but nothing further from it.

“Right,” Steve crossed his arms upon his chest. “What’s my favorite color, then?” He raised a brow in defiance.

Tony snorted.

“Easy. Blue.” Steve has to admit he’s a little surprised. “You also take vanilla frappuccino every morning. You like to draw and paint, you draw more than painting, actually. You defend what’s right in your heart. You’re really good with kids. You got in the army when you were 25, and stayed for four years. Your best friend is getting married soon. Contrary to popular belief, you prefer to watch the sunrise instead of sunset. I can keep listing all day, so will that be all, Captain Rogers?” Steve shook his head. Tony is really unbelievable.

“That will be all, Mr. Stark,” he concluded. Steve gazed at Tony for a little longer, studying him, memorizing the way his head falls over his forehead. “May I ask something?” Steve asked, breaking the silence.

“Go ahead,” Tony waved his hand toward the soldier.

“That thin scar on your chest…” Steve couldn’t find the words to complete his question, so it just hung in the air.

Tony’s hand touched the place where the scar was above the shirt and coat he was wearing. A fathom of pain crossed his eyes. Steve had seen those look in injured soldiers at war. God damn it, he had seen that look in Bucky every time someone mentioned what happened to him, so he knew that nothing good would be coming from that.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude, I was just curious,” Steve apologized. “You don’t have to tell me.”

Tony sighed, obviously relieved.

“I appreciate it,” Tony reached for Steve’s hand over the table, his fingertips caressing his palm. “Maybe, one day, I’ll get the chance to tell you.” Steve nodded in understanding.

“I’m looking forward to it, then,” he replied.

Tony offered him a small smile before his gentle face turned into a grimace. He caressed his temple with two fingers in delicate circles.

“Fuck,” the brunet muttered.

“Are you okay?” Steve leaned forward with a furrow of concern between his brows.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine, it’s just… a headache kicked in,” Tony attempted to smile, but his face turned into a grimace again as he shut his eyes closed, avoiding the lights.

“It must have been the ice,” Steve said, squeezing Tony’s hand slightly around the cup of half strawberry milkshake

“Huh-huh,” Tony nodded. “I’m kind of sensitive to it,” he agreed.

Steve’s furrow deepened as he took his bag, looking for the medicines he had taken the habit of carrying around, even though he didn’t get sick often. He finally found an aspirin. He didn’t take this medicine because of his asthma, but he still carried it around. Better safe than sorry, right?

“Here,” Steve offered, quickly asking the waitress a bottle of fresh water.

Tony threw the pill into his mouth, taking a long gulp of water. He blinked, then focused on Steve.

“Huh, can you, uh, give me a ride? I think it’s better not to drive like this,” Tony said. Steve nodded in agreement. Migraines were terribly awful.

“Where should I drop you off?” Steve said, standing up. 

Tony smiled, accepting the helmet the blond was offering.

“Stark Tower.”

“That big, ugly building in New York--” Steve wanted to laugh when he saw Tony looking at him with a raised brow in a clear sign of ‘excuse me?!’ “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone! I hope 2021 will be kind to all of us.  
> Now, it's official. This fic will have between 10-11 chapters for sure. I'm going to start writing chapter 7 this week.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! I forgot to update last week and I didn't want to mess the schedule, so I decided I'd only update this Thursday. Turns out, I'm reading a really good book and I totally forgot again. Anyway, it's Friday, so here it is.

Someone knocks on the door. Maybe Bucky had forgotten something? His phone, or his lunch, or… Bucky would not knock on the door, because he obviously has the key to their apartment. Steve then leaves his unfinished sandwich on the counter and cleans his hands on a cloth on his way to the door.

A man around in his early twenties was in the door, holding a helmet under his arm, and a package in his other hand. He looked up at Steve.

“‘Morning, sir. I have an order for…” the guy turned the package around to check the name. “Mr. Steve Rogers.”

Steve furrowed. He hadn’t ordered anything, perhaps Bucky ordered something using his Amazon account again, and had forgotten to tell him.

“From who?” Steve asked, taking the package, and looking at his name in the front of it.

When he raised his eyes again, the guy wasn’t there anymore. Steve stepped forward to the corridor, looking to both sides, but the man was gone as soon as he appeared. Steve gets in, closing the door behind him with his eyes still suspiciously fixed on the package in his hands. There wasn’t any indication about the person who sent it, just Steve’s name and address. He looked for a knife to open the box, cutting it measures, just to find a white box inside this one.

Was it a joke?

Steve turned the white box around, and he gasped at the view of it. The latest iPhone was in his hand. This must be a mistake. It could only be a mistake. It was not an item he could afford right now. Although, he opened the box and let the phone slip into his hands. It looked so thin, fragile, it looked like it could break in his big hands. Then, all of sudden, the phone chimed and the screen came to life showing that he had a new message. Steve furrowed, then switched the screen, and a familiar name appeared as being the origin of the message.

“Hey. Sorry about your last phone. I hope I can make up for the swim it took. 😉 - T.S.”

Steve smiled, remembering the night they took a milkshake when hours early that day Steve had bumped on Tony and accidentally dropped his phone in a puddle. Then, he took Tony to Stark Tower as he had asked on his motorcycle. Steve still remembered the feeling of Tony’s arms around him. He bet he probably had passed by the building before, though he never really paid attention to it. Tony seemed a little dizzy as he thanked Steve for the ride. The soldier asked if Tony really lived there, the place looked enormous, and Tony had nodded, saying he stayed in the penthouse when he was in Manhattan, but his main house was really in Malibu.

“I can’t accept it. - S.R;” Steve wrote back.

He sighed, going to the kitchen to finish his sandwich. Then, another message popped up on the screen.

“Why not? 🤔” Steve took the phone in his hands again, not sure of what he should type back. “Consider it a gift. A Christmas gift.”

Steve couldn’t help the smile that came over his face.

“So soon?” He typed back. Well, thanksgiving would be at the end of the week yet.

“Yep. Please?” Tony quickly replied back, waiting for Steve’s confirmation. It was true that Tony was the main cause why his phone broke, but that doesn’t mean the model needed to give him a new one. And yet, the latest iPhone! So, as much as he needed a new phone urgently, he was hesitating in accepting it.

“Okay.😉” He could think in a way to make up for Tony later. Yeah, he could save and pay for it. He just doesn’t know at the moment what he should do, or even if he was doing the right thing in accepting such an expensive gift. He had no idea what to give to Tony for Christmas or…

Stop and breath, Steve tells himself. Breath in, then out, slowly. Feel your lungs get filled with air. He’s overthinking again about a simple situation that only requires a yes or no. There’s no need for it. He had said yes to the phone Tony just had given to him. That’s it. Just… breath, Steve.

“Great!” the message popped up on the screen. Then, Tony’s name, apparently the only one saved in the contacts, lights up the screen. Steve stared at the phone for what looked like an eternity before he had the courage of accepting the call.

“Hello?” Steve said, although he already knew who it was.

“Hey,” Tony replied. “I’m glad you accepted, huh, you know, the phone.”

Steve nodded, wordlessly, then realizing that Tony could not see him, he cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair, leaning on the kitchen counter where his unfinished sandwich laid on the plate.

“Huh, yeah. I--Thank you, Tony, it’s… too much,” Steve said, uncertain if this was the right answer.

“Bah, it’s nothing. Really,” Steve wondered what Tony was doing before calling him, and where he was right now. He hadn’t seen Tony the past two days since the man was busy with his company stuff, and he would be back for the last photos of the Winter’s collection only in the next week. “Are you busy today? I mean, do you have any plans for tonight? I--I, well, you understood.”

Steve pondered the question.

“No, not really.”

“Good. It’s… There’s gonna be an event today, huh, it’s just an event for--well, do you remember that project I was working on?” Tony started.

“The Arc Reactor? You talked about how it could be functional in the field of clean energy. So, if that’s it, then, yes, I do,” Steve took a bit of his sandwich.

“That’s right. So, today, we’re going to introduce this new technology during a Stark Industries’ event.”

“That sounds great, Tony. I’m happy for you,” Steve said matter-of-factly.

“Thank you, Steve,” Tony replied, then just stayed in silence before he continued. “Pepper organized everything. You know how attentive she is. Did she call you or something?” Steve tapped on the counter, starting to understand where Tony wanted to get to.

“No. Why would she--,” Steve suddenly stopped, linking the subjects. Pepper was organizing the event, so maybe she… “Does she want me to photograph the whole thing?” Steve finally concluded.

“What?! No, of course not. That’s not why I called you,” Tony said. Steve felt his cheeks blushed for the conclusion he got to. Of course, it wasn’t it, after all, Tony Stark surely could hire a better photographer than Steve-- “I called you because I’d like you to come. Tonight. For the event.” Tony’s tone seemed a little bit eager.

“ _ Oh _ !” Steve took a glass of water in an attempt to dissipate the lump recently formed in his throat. “ _ Oh _ ! I--I--”

“If you want to, of course. I… would love to have you here,” Tony breathed out.

Steve first thought that he didn’t understand much about technology and all this modern stuff, even though he loves to listen to Tony talking about his project, and Tony loves when Steve asks questions about how it’s going to work or how he will build that thing. Steve knew Tony, the model. Tony, the engineer, was a person he was getting to know, and this one, the engineer was absolutely someone else.

Tony, the model, was always in nightclubs and parties, getting drunk, hooking up, and involved in many scandals. He was a snob and a narcissist man. Tony, the engineer, however, was a person who could stay locked in his workshop for hours, focused on his projects. He was kind-hearted, and a bit arrogant too. The difference between these two Tony, Steve got the chance to know, was that the engineer, he had a lot more interesting conversations. Tony, the engineer, was who the billionaire really was. Tony, the model, was a façade, he was an image created to please and to fill the gossip tabloids for the public.

“I would love it, too, Tony,” Steve finally replied, with a small smile tugging his lips.

“Perfect!” Tony sounded excited, which makes Steve’s smile widened for knowing that Tony was as eager as Steve to see him again. “Happy is going to pick you up at 06:00 p.m.”

“Tony, that’s not--”

“Just be ready, Rogers,” Tony cut him off. “See you later.”

Before Steve even got the chance to reply, Tony had turned it off, leaving him in a silent line. Steve glanced at the clock on the wall. It’s 03:41 p.m. He had time to get ready. He just wasn’t planning on going out on his day off, but he also hadn’t much to do at home. Bucky must be back by 05:00 p.m, although he could just go to Peggy’s. These days, he hasn't seen much of his best friend. Bucky was busy with the wedding planning, and Steve spent most of his days working when he wasn’t hanging out with Tony.

Sketching also became a thing he was doing more often. Steve had missed it, and now that he was back he was sketching everything he could, though his last sketches have been inspired by a certain genius, billionaire, and philanthropist named Stark. His canvas, however, remained there, blank, haunting his dreams and worsening his nightmares.

Thanks to the routine he was taking lately, nightmares were not as often as it was before. Steve gets home exhausted from working, which generally makes him fall on the bed right after a shower. The cold weather also was helpful to carry him into Hypnos’ arms and the pills he was taking. Even Doctor Banner, his therapist, told him he looked a lot better, and that he was making great progress these past weeks. Which the doctor frequently associated with his new friendships at work and the social situations Steve was putting him into. He didn’t have mentioned Tony in the last session, though everything looked fine between the two of them.

Steve decided to come back to his daily tasks. He surely didn’t want to be late for Stark’s event. Steve had to admit that he doesn’t like gala events like this is supposed to be, but the idea of seeing Tony, even for a couple of minutes, that night, warms his heart. So, he did the laundry, rinsed the plates and the cutlery, cleaned the kitchen, and folded the clothes.

By the time, Steve looked at the clock again, he realized that he spent more time on his daily activities than he thought. So, the blond got slightly surprised when keys turned on their door, and Bucky entered, holding three folders under his metal arm. Steve hurried to help him. He knew that Bucky hated when Steve helped him do things that he was perfectly capable of doing even with his metal arm, but Steve couldn’t help himself back. Bucky helped him a lot during his sick days, so he wanted to be there whenever the dark-haired needed. Thankfully, this time, Bucky allowed Steve to get two of the heavy folders and put them on their dinner table.

“Hey, how’s working today?” Steve asked, watching Bucky throw his backpack in a chair, and go to the kitchen. Steve leaned on the doorway while Bucky took the bottle of orange juice and filled a glass.

“As usual, you know,” Bucky took a sip, leaning on the door of the fridge. “You remember Justin Hammer, don’t you?” Bucky didn’t wait for Steve’s response. “He went there, apparently, there was a problem with the ads. The guy is an idiot, just made a tempest in a teapot.”

Steve chuckled.

“Yeah, I think I’ve heard it before.”

Bucky nodded, grinning.

“How’s your day, then? I bet you did all--” Bucky stopped in front of the kitchen counter, noticing the new Steve’s iPhone for the first time. He raised the device. “Wow.” Steve hurried to take the phone in his hands.

“It was a gift,” he shrugged, uncertain of how to explain the situation. “Huh, from a friend.”

“A friend, huh? Does that friend have a name?” Bucky asked with a suggestive smirk on his lips. He crossed his arms on his chest, and Steve knows that Bucky is going to mock him.

“Hm, ugh, yes. I--I,” Steve breathed out. “I told Peggy about him. Haven’t she mentioned anything?” Bucky shook his head, though the smirk was still there when he sipped the water. “Huh, it’s Tony. His name is Tony,” Steve rubbed the back of his neck. “Tony Stark, to be more exact.”

Steve smiled shyly. Bucky choked in the water, coughing and spitting water.

“You mean Tony Stark as in Stark Industries?” Bucky’s voice is hoarse and husky from the sudden cough attack. Steve nodded affirmatively. “What? How could you not tell me that, Stevie?” Bucky put his hands crossed over his chest. “You told Peggy, and you didn’t tell me? How dare you? I thought we were best friends, but what kind of best friend does it?”

Steve couldn’t hold his laughter. He knew very well how dramatic Bucky can be sometimes, and Steve wondered how his best friend got in the army when he really should be in the theaters. Okay. Steve admits he thought of telling Bucky about Tony, but since he told Peggy, he had never had a day off where he could talk calmly with him. Bucky was busy with the wedding stuff, and Steve, when he wasn’t working, he was with Tony. So, they really haven’t had the time to talk.

“In my defense, you were busy,” Steve pointed at the dark-haired who before had gotten the chance to open his mouth was cut off by Steve again. “We’re just hanging out, maybe more than I actually thought. Anyway, he asked me to go out to one of his events.” Bucky looked surprised. “Today. Tonight. Actually, at 07:00 p.m. Happy--huh,” Bucky raised his brows. “He’s Tony’s driver, ugh, he’s going to pick me up.”

“Oh,” Bucky mumbled, turning to look at the clock. “Then, why are you not ready?”

Steve opened his mouth to justify it, but he couldn’t find anything. His eyes fell on the phone in his hands, checking the hour. He was late. Or he’s going to be late. Whatever.

“Go to shower yourself,” Bucky squeezed his shoulder lightly. “You gotta impress your man,” the dark-haired patted him on the back.

That’s what Steve did. He took a nice and relaxing shower, shaved, and he put his best suit on, as Bucky advised him, saying that that blue suit matched his blue eyes. Steve passed the comb in his hair again, making sure that there weren’t any strands out of place. He rubbed the front of the suit. Everything is going to be okay, he tells himself because he can feel himself hyperventilating with only the thought of being near to Tony.

Bucky whistled, leaning on the doorway.

“Man, if he does not fall with you right away, I’m going to kick his stupid ass,” Bucky laughed. Steve rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide the smile.

Steve’s phone chimed in his pocket. A message popped up on the screen. ‘I’m downstairs.’- Happy H. The corner of Steve’s lips tugged into a smile at the fact that he would meet Tony soon.

“Go get your man,” Bucky patted him on the back, smiling proudly.

“Thanks, Buck.”

-

Steve froze at the front door of Stark Tower.

He glanced at the men wearing nice, expensive suits that could feed a family for an entire year, and those women wearing so much jewelry that it was hard to look at them without having a jewel reflecting the lights. Steve felt… out of place. He did not belong there. In that fancy party with people who are not able to stand an interesting conversation for more than five minutes.

Steve rubbed his sweaty hands, breathing deeply before he could step inside. He looked around to watch people talking, drinking, and laughing. They seemed to be having fun somehow. The fact of not knowing anyone, besides the party host, turned it even more difficult. Steve wasn’t good at socializing, no matter how much he tried and talked about it with his therapist. He could not stand a conversation with an unknown for much longer. Which was incredibly surprising since he knew Tony for what? A month now? Yes, that’s accurate.

It was different with Tony, though. The sassy comments, the intelligence behind it, and the way Tony was able to talk about almost everything turn it a lot easier for Steve, who does feel comfortable to talk no matter what with the other man. Tony was a man who had strong opinions on political and social subjects, although they disagreed sometimes, Steve always thought about it as something good. To see another view of it, sometimes it helped them change their minds. Steve liked it and had a positive thought when it comes to their differences.

“Captain Rogers?” Steve heard a thin, low, familiar voice calling him.

The man, dark, curly hair, short height, wearing a simple suit was no one less than Dr. Bruce Banner, his therapist, who just seemed as out of place as the former soldier. Bruce held his hand in the other one, a gesture that clearly means that he’s feeling uncomfortable here. Steve stared at him.

“Dr. Banner,” Steve gave a step closer, stretching his hand to handshake the other man’s. “What are you doing here?” He asked, trying to sound as casual as possible, though his tone exhibited the curiosity hidden there.

The doctor shook his hand in return with a firm grasp.

“I-Uhm, I’m Tony’s friend. And… as you may know, I’ve worked with gamma radiation for quite a while in the military.” Steve nodded in response. “What about you, Captain? What are you doing here?”

Before Steve could get the chance of answering, a well-known voice came up, which made Bruce startled. Steve was more used to Tony’s sudden appearances.

“Good evening, gentlemen,” Tony stopped by Steve’s side, a hand rubbing the side of his arm in a reassuring gesture.

He was elegant as usual, in a black fancy suit holding a glass of champagne, which made Steve slightly twitch his nose, he did not like when Tony was drinking. He had seen the effects of alcohol caused in the billionaire’s life throughout the years. It caused a lot of damages, and Steve had issues with alcohol himself. That thing, or should he said poison, screwed his childhood enough.

“Tony,” Bruce nodded in a greeting. “Great event. It’s quite interesting everything you’ve presented so far. I’m sure the propositions are going to make a big difference for the countries most responsible for pollution and everything else.”

“Thanks, Bruce,” Tony said.

Steve exchanged a glance with Dr. Banner.

“It’s nice to see you, Steve,” the short man said. “See you around.” Tony steps forward, both watching as Bruce walks away.

“You know each other?” Tony asked, gesturing with the glass of champagne towards Bruce. Steve turned his gaze back at Tony.

“Yeah,” he shrugged, shoving his hands inside the pockets, then looking around randomly. “Everything looks… nice,” Steve said, switching the weight from one foot to another.

Tony nodded with the cutest smile Steve has ever seen on his face. He looks marvelous, and Steve wished he could sketch that smile, painted that heavenly light glowing on Tony’s face, and immortalized him in a portrait. That smile could replace the sunlight on dark days.

“I’m glad you came,” Tony muttered, the intensity of his voice was soft, filled with a hint of kindness. Steve smiled back, fixing his blue eyes on those brown eyes, gleaming like honey and hazelnuts in the peak of the spring. “May I show you around?” His smile widened when he nodded.

Tony led the way. He points to people while telling some gossip to Steve, who giggles occasionally. Gossips are not all that interesting to him, but he likes to listen to Tony talking no matter the subject. Tony tells him about his workshop a few floors up while he listed some of the benefits for the clean energy field that the Arc Reactor is about to bring. Steve has to admit that he is impressed when Tony tells him that the Tower is powered by the creation. This, this one here talking about technologies and all this stuff is the Tony that Steve cherished and had an endless amount of affection with.

“Why don’t you show me your lab?” Steve said all of sudden. He does not know what came over him, but he was sure that he wanted to know this part of Tony. He wanted to know where Tony spends most part of his days. He wanted to see with his own eyes everything Tony talks so animatedly. His robots and creations, his projects, God, he even wanted to watch the videotapes of attempts when Tony was testing a new thing. He wanted to be part of Tony’s life in everything possible way he could.

Why? He wasn’t sure of that. It was too soon to call it love, though it seemed suitable. Steve didn’t want to create expectations or get too involved. Tony had a long list of affairs to be ignored, and the blond didn’t want to be one of them. Steve thought while they waited in front of the elevator’s door.

“Good evening, sir,” a voice greeted them when they stepped inside the elevator, which made Steve startled and Tony gave a chuckle. The short man glanced up at him.

“Don’t worry. This is just JARVIS,” Tony said.

“JARVIS?”

“Just A Rather Very Intelligent System. It’s an A.I. that I’ve created years ago. He’s... my buddy,” Tony explained. Steve knew that he had an incredulous look on his face. Sometimes, he gets amazed by how smart Tony is.

When the doors opened again, Steve found himself in a corridor where giant doors made of glass were at the end of it. Tony types a code on the device beside those doors that slide open. Tony steps aside to let Steve get in first. Steve thought that he probably hasn’t been in a place so technological before. Everything there looked like to be alive.

“That’s Dum-E,” Tony pointed to a robot clenching its tongs around. “I was 16 when I built it in my father’s workshop.”

Steve arched his eyebrows in a sign of surprise. The blond approached the workbench, brushing his fingers on the designs spread there. Steve did not understand anything about engineering, but it does not stop him from admiring all Tony’s works and dedication. However, it’s a blue glow inside a box made of glass that catches Steve’s attention. He approached the object, well aware of Tony right behind him. 

“Wow,” Steve can’t help the astonished gasp that escapes through his lips.

Tony pulled the box closer, and Steve could read the sentence written there. ‘Tony Stark has a heart’.

“That’s a prototype of the arc reactor,” Tony said, brushing his fingers on the side of the box. “The first one, actually.”

“It’s beautiful, Tony,” Steve turned to look at Tony, watching the soft blue light reflected on his brunet skin, and his now sad eyes, filled with melancholy and distress that Steve had never seen before on the man’s face.

“Yeah, it is,” Tony agreed, then turned back.

The genius walked around the workbench, returning with a few papers and a folder in his hands.

“I’m working on--” Steve steps forward, holding Tony up when he stumbles in nothing at all.

“You’re okay?” Steve asked as Tony straightened up, leaning on the workbench and putting the papers aside on the table. Steve took another step closer to Tony, pushing the strands of black hair away from his forehead.

Steve felt his mouth going dry, and his heartbeats accelerating with the closeness between them. Tony ran his fingers through his hair, letting them even messier than before. The billionaire let his hand fall on Steve’s shoulder, encouraging the soldier to close the gap. Steve leaned, pressing his forehead against Tony’s, mixing their breaths. Tony tiptoes, wrapping a hand around Steve’s neck when a knock on the door breaks all the spell.

“Tony?” Steve recognizes that voice while he steps back, observing Tony shut his eyes for a second before Pepper Potts comes in with a clipboard in her hands. She switches her gaze from Tony to Steve, swiftly returning to the billionaire, and ignoring the soldier. “I’m sorry, but it’s time.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony waves his hand, dismissing her. The woman doesn’t argue, she turns back and Steve can hear the clicks of her heels in the corridor, how could have he missed it before? Tony sighed loudly, looking back at Steve. “Shall we?”

Steve nodded, following Tony out of the workshop.

-

Tony showed how comfortable he is before the cameras better than ever while he speaks to the public about the new projects from Stark Industries and the funds that will be provided for the R&D department, and the students’ projects from MIT that will be financed by SI. Which is highly generous on Tony’s part, though the media will not focus on that. All those journalists there were probably just waiting for the first misstep that Tony could give to fill their headlines with the scandal.

Steve goes out when the inside seems too crowded, and Tony is unreachable by people complimenting him, and journalists asking questions at a pace too quick for any human being to be capable of answering all of them.

“Gorgeous, isn’t it?” Dr. Banner’s voice appears by his side. “He’s much more than people think. It’s a pity people only focus on his mistakes.” Steve nods in agreement, though he keeps his eyes on the dark sky.

He missed the stars. Steve wished they could turn off the entire city, so he would be able to watch the stars just like he used to do in the desert in Afghanistan. It was always calming, identifying the constellations and reciting the Greek myths to the other soldiers around a small bonfire in the middle of nowhere. Where the cold is too harsh to be ignored.

“Steve, everything you say is private,” Bruce says, and this makes Steve turn his look to the man. Oh God, how many times had he mentioned Tony during their sessions? Of course, dr. Banner did not know he was talking about his friend, Steve had never revealed the name, but now that they were all here, it’s obvious. “I do understand if you prefer to look for another therapist. I can give you a few recommendations.”

“Thank you, dr. Banner,” Steve stretched his hand for a handshake that the man gladly takes.

“Call me Bruce, please,” the man said. Well, he had lost a therapist, but probably had also earned a friend. That’s not so bad. “I gotta go. See you around, Captain.” Dr. Ban--Bruce bids his farewell.

Steve, however, stands up there, continuously watching the sky. He should probably go too. He had to work tomorrow, or today, since it was already after midnight. He just wanted the chance to talk to Tony again, so Steve decides to look for him, knowing that it will not be too difficult to find the engineer. He’s not wrong. He spots Tony talking to a journalist from Vanity Fair. Steve doesn’t approach them, though. He knows that Tony had seen him when the man locked those brown eyes in his, quickly waving to the journalist and coming in his direction.

“I have to go,” Steve said when Tony was closer enough to listen.

“So early?” Tony asked, seeming a little disappointed, which made Steve want to stay a little bit longer, but he couldn’t. He had to work in a few hours, after all.

“I have to work tomorrow. Today, actually. You got it.” Steve laughed, raising his eyes to find a fond smile on Tony’s face. He’s cute, Steve catches himself thinking.

“‘Kay. I’m gonna call Happy--”

“No. There’s no need for it, Tony,” Steve tries to argue. “I can go by myself.”

“Not at all,” Tony insisted. “Are you going to walk till Brooklyn?”

“I can get an Uber, a taxi…” Steve shrugged.

“Or you can get a ride with Happy who happens to be right there,” Tony points to the man in the corner talking to Miss Potts. “C’mon,” Tony takes Steve’s hand, pulling him in the driver’s direction.

Is he…? Really…?

Steve looked down at their intertwined hands. He’s not sure he can think. It seemed unreal that the billionaire was holding his hand there, in the middle of everyone Tony knew. Steve never thought he would be this lucky one day.

He stays a few feet away from where Tony is talking to Happy, who only nods and walks out of the place. Steve didn’t want to bother, but he knows that Tony would not let him just walk away. Steve does not listen to what Pepper is saying to Tony, but the look on her face shows clearly that she disapproves of whatever is that is happening between Steve and Tony.

Well, nothing was happening. Not yet, at least.

“Thanks for coming,” Tony says, getting to his side and leading them out of the crowded lobby. “I really appreciate it.” Steve looks down, then meets Tony’s eyes again.

“Yeah. I enjoyed it, a lot, actually,” Steve assured him. “A-are you okay? I seemed a little dizzy up there, in the lab--”

“I’m fine, thanks,” Tony reassures him, squeezing Steve’s hand lightly into his.

Steve follows their intertwined hands. He had not noticed that they were still holding hands. It would be really bad if someone took a picture or a journalist saw it, they were going to ask questions about their relationship, and Steve didn’t want it. So, he lets go of Tony’s hand, running his own hand through his hair while Happy is approaching the car.

“Thanks, Tony,” Steve says. The next moment he does not even realize what he’s doing when he leans in and puts a chaste kiss on Tony’s cheek. The soldier finds himself surprised by his own act. Tony is incapable of hiding his shock when Steve pulls away with a timid smile on his lips before he gets in the car.

-

Steve feels over the moon as he walks home. He feels like he’s drifting, and he can’t possibly think if he had ever felt this happy before. Bucky’s door is closed when Steve crosses the corridor tiptoeing to not wake him up. He undresses and puts on sweatpants and an old green shirt.

For the first time since he came back from the army, he sits in front of the blank canvas that is always haunting his dreams. Steve feels alive again when he dives the brush inside the ink when he runs it over the white and fills it with colors. It felt good, it felt great, indeed. He wished he could feel like this forever. He feels the urge of painting taking over him because he is afraid that tomorrow, or in the morning, he will not be feeling this good. So, he enjoys the occasion, letting the brushes paint what his mind is visualizing and the emotions flow through it.

It’s only hours later that Bucky knocks at his door, and Steve raises his eyes for the first time since he got back home, shielding them from the morning light still weak in the sky. He hasn't noticed time’s passing. He reaches for the cell phone on his bed, only to realize that it was discharged. Another knock sound on the outside.

“Is everything okay?” Bucky shoves his head inside, closing his eyes with a hand while the other is holding the doorknob.

Steve shakes his head, smiling.

“Great,” the blond replied, looking at the half-done portrait.

“Okay.”

Bucky said, still with his eyes closed as he shut the door. Steve then looks at the alarm set on the nightstand. 06:55 a.m. He should take a shower and start to get ready for work, maybe have some pancakes and a coffee. A vanilla frappuccino, Steve can’t help the smile that shines on his face at the thought of it. It is weird how simple things can make you remember important people around you. When had he allowed that vanilla frappuccino to remember him, Tony? The thought was there, warming his heart like a sweet coffee on a cold morning.

-

Steve looks down at the schedule and the to-do list he had created on his phone’s note. He had a break now. They had just finished the photoshoot with the models for a boots’ collection when he decided to get another coffee and bring one of those cupcakes to Wanda.

Shit. Steve almost regrets not having gotten any sleep, but the portrait in his room did not make him feel guilty for sacrificing a night of sleep. He could take a nap later, go to bed early, or miss his morning run tomorrow. It doesn’t matter. Steve was proud of his work, and he daresay that it was the best one he had ever painted. It seems a shame that it would stay locked in his room, eventually, joining the other canvas in the garage.

The blond stops in the lobby, near the automatic doors, observing the outside where a blonde woman dressed in a grey pantsuit is talking to Tony Stark. The billionaire does not seem okay with what’s happening, and the woman seemed to be insisting. It’s only when Tony takes a step towards the doors, and the blonde woman moves that Steve realizes that that is Christine Everhart from Vanity Fair and that she was there last night, hovering over Tony like he was a piece of meat she was about to eat.

She doesn’t make much longer, though. Tony only needed to glance at Happy for the man to take her away. Steve stands there watching everything. Tony trespasses the doors and stops when he sees the blond just a couple of feet away from him

“Steve?”

Steve steps forward.

“Hey, I-huh, I’m getting a coffee,” Steve points to the coffee shop on the other side.

What the hell is he saying? Tony hasn’t asked, and he did not own explanations to the model.

“Do you wanna come with me?” Where those words came from? Right, from his stupid mouth, because his mind shuts off when Tony’s around.

Tony nods affirmatively for Steve’s relief.

They walk in silence. None of them dare to say anything about what happened last night in the lab, or on the outside. Thankfully, the coffee shop is almost empty, and they don’t have to waste much time in line or wait too long for his order.

“That journalist is giving you a hard time, isn’t she?” Steve asked while he paid for the coffee, and carried the paper bag containing the cupcake.

Tony glances to the outside, switching the weight from one foot to another uncomfortably. Steve leads the way outside the shop. They cross the avenue with Steve sipping his coffee, enjoying the warm feeling his body is receiving with the hot beverage on a cold day, probably the coldest of November in New York. It’s only when they stop in front of the SHIELD’s building that Tony finally speaks again.

“My face is on all magazines you can think of,” Tony sighed. “When you're a model and rich, people hardly get to see who you truly are.” Steve nodded.

Of course, he has no idea of what Tony is talking about, and Steve had to thank God for being an anonymous person because he’s not sure if he could handle people talking and gossiping about his life all the time.

“But you see me, Steve.”

Those five words catch Steve’s attention surprisingly.

“Tony, about last night…” Steve started, ready to apologize for any misunderstood or for bothering the billionaire.

“Don’t,” Tony said, running a hand nervously through his black hair, messing it and Steve can’t help but admire how cute and handsome Tony’s look like this. “Look, I know it’s early, but I really like you, Steve.”

His heart warms up with those words.

“I like you, too, Tony,” Steve offers a shy smile.

“I know it looks really impulsive, or I don’t know,” Tony shrugged. “I wanna take it seriously, Steve. You told me you’re not a nightstand type, and I see it. Hell, you’re definitely not someone who just wanna get laid,” Tony breathed out. “I’m a piping hot mess. I don’t wanna screw you up with my own issues, I--I. Shit, I--,” Tony looks at a lack of words.

However, Steve was sure of what he wanted to do. He never felt so sure of anything in life as he is now. So, the soldier leans in and he expresses his words in another way. A more silent and full of emotions. Steve smashes their lips together.

It felt like the first time. It’s soft, awkward, and brief. Tony’s lips part as Steve’s tongue slips inside his mouth, Tony’s tongue joining him as soon as their lips move gently against each other. Their bodies closer than ever, as close as they were last night in the lab. It’s brief, but it’s intense. It takes a few seconds for Steve to catch his breath when they pull away reluctantly.

What are they, then? Not strangers. Friends? Steve thought so, but it does not seem suitable when they looked emotionally attached in such a short period of time. Lovers? Not yet. They were somewhere in the middle.

Steve is not sure where, but staring into those brown eyes, he knows he can find an answer to his questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated. Tell me what you think, people.  
> See you next Thursday.  
> Thank you for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't forget today ;)  
> Enjoy it.

It felt like someone had hit on his throat, or he had fallen from the twentieth floor of a building on his back and survived. It felt like someone had punched all the air out of his lungs.

Steve can’t breathe. Or at least, his mind is making him believe that. 

He fell on his knees on the floor, panting desperately, while everyone around him was moving. Some were hidden behind the scene or had crouched down on the floor just like Steve. Others were commenting on what happened. There was too much noise. It's too loud. He needs to focus, but he can’t, not with all that noise. He needs to find shelter, get out of the line of shooting, he needs to think. He needs to do something. Anything.

Steve opened his eyes. He saw blood on someone’s forehead as Wanda pressed a white towel against the injury, soaking it up in the blood. Red. Scarlet against the pure color of the tissue. He had his hands pressed against his ears in an attempt to muffle the loud, annoying noise. He took a deep breath, even though it hurt. It hurts to breathe. It shouldn’t hurt. Steve’s eyes darted around, looking for any kind of danger. There wasn’t any other evidence than the pieces of glass spread on the floor. Steve raised his eyes.

Someone was moving in his direction. He couldn’t tell who. His sight was blurred, not with tears he hoped, it was just a consequence of the shock. Steve blinked, trying to get his sight back to normal. His eyes watered with how hard he closed them. When Steve opens again, the man is crouching down in front of him, pulling away from the blond strands of hair sticking on his forehead.

Tony was saying something, but he could not listen. The sound was muffled as if Steve was underwater. The sound was pressure against his ears, and Steve was afraid that if he took his hands out, he would not be able to handle the noise out there.

“Steve,” Tony said a little louder to Steve.

He looked up at Tony. His lips were moving, forming indecipherable words. Steve furrowed. Tony moved closer, putting his hands carefully and lightly on the soldier’s shoulders. Steve took the hands out of his ears, and Tony held them in his, even though his hands were larger than the brunet’s, also Tony’s hands were more calluses than Steve’s. Tony helped him up, he turned around and said something to someone Steve couldn’t see. God, everything was a mess and confused. What had just happened?

He was coping badly. He should not feel that way. He has been to every appointment with dr. Banner, he had talked about everything that had happened on the battlefield, so why was he reacting so badly to a goddamn light bulb explosion? He should do better. It’s been almost eight months. However, the nightmares, the cold sweat, the way he jumped with any sudden noise or flash of light, were still there. No matter how hard Steve fights it.

He should be doing better, right? That’s what he was supposed to do. That’s what people expecting from him. To do better. To be better.

Steve barely registers the path Tony leads him out of the noisy studio. Too immersed in his messy and disorganized thoughts. Tony pushes against the cold floor where Steve sits without questioning in the empty corridor, then somehow, the model pulls the window open and the cold wind hits him. It’s not unpleasant when the air hits his face, making him look at Tony for real this time. Tony crouches down in front of him.

“Steve, are you with me?”

The blond looks at his boyfriend. Boyfriend? Was that the right term? Steve wasn’t sure if he could call Tony that.

The fact is, they kissed for the first time two weeks ago, and since then they were inseparable. They have been seeing each other a lot, having dinner together, going out after work, Tony got the habit of picking him up almost every day, and when Steve wasn’t busy helping Bucky with the wedding plans, he’d probably be out with Tony. Tony took him out to the places he liked the most in NY, like that nightclub in the middle of Manhattan, which Steve had to admit he had plenty of fun, but only because Tony was with him. On the other hand, Steve liked to sketch Tony when they went to Central Park, or sometimes a photograph, even when Tony jokes that Steve has a lot of pictures of him, and he still didn’t think it was enough.

Last weekend, Peggy was asking Steve’s advice for the flowers when Tony called him, inviting him to Stark Tower for dinner. Steve loves to spend time with Tony, so his answer was easy. At first, he showed Steve some of his creations in the lab, apologizing for his excitement, even though Steve loved to see Tony’s grin, and his happiness every time he was talking about his projects. So, after a few glasses of wine, they ended up cuddling on the couch.

Steve loved it. Tony leaned so comfortably against his chest while they talked about daily subjects, or their jobs, or their families. It felt right. It felt great. Steve thought he had never felt so warm, and cozy with someone before. He felt it with Tony, and he could never get enough of it every time Tony was around. Having Tony around made Steve felt wanted, loved.

Steve exhaled, slowly, then he inhaled, feeling the air filling his lungs until it ached inside his chest.

“Yes. I--,” he did it again. “I’m gonna be okay.”

Tony sat by his side, taking Steve’s hands into his.

“You’re sure?” Tony places a kiss on his hand. Steve nodded. Yes. he was sure. He would be fine. He just needed to breathe. 

Tony didn’t leave his side, which Steve was thankful for.

Those lightbulbs exploding in there, sending pieces flying everywhere, plus the noise of them blowing out. All these little things happening at once sent Steve back to the battlefield in Afghanistan.

He remembers walking close to the mountains, taking the cave for shelter for their long walk under the cruel, burning sun. Drink some water. Listen to Falsworth and Jones joking as usual as Dugan checked his rifle. Bucky came to his side, punching him lightly on the arm.

“Go take a rest, punk,” the dark-haired said as he took Steve’s position.

Then, everything happened fast after that. Steve has leant to take a bottle in the bag when the shots came. Loud, lethal, bloody. They all stand with their rifles ready to take anyone down. These mountains… they are not safe. Steve had heard the stories from the people in the village. The men who lived in the mountains, they were cursed by evil, that’s what an old lady told him and Jones. Those terrorists were known by many names, and they were composed of several people, they spoke dozens of languages, but the biggest terrorist organization there was the Ten Rings. They were responsible for fires in the nearby towns, robbery, murders, and holding hostages for a fair amount of money or anything whoever was willing to pay was up to give them

Then, something rolled in the passage they were, and before anyone had gotten the chance of yelling, that thing blew up. So, when those lightbulbs exploded, Steve found himself back there. And he was scared because he did not want to be there anymore. He loved his country, but he had people who loved him waiting for him outside. Bucky, Peggy, Sam… that’s why Steve decided he was done with the battlefield. He could fight here, in his apartment, supporting manifestations, and voting, and following politics, that’s how he would be able to make a difference for his country. That’s how he would fight for those he loved. Bucky, Peggy, Sam… and now he also has Tony.

For minutes, there are only Tony and him in that empty corridor where the open window and the strong, cold wind outside could give them both a severe case of pneumonia. Steve already had pneumonia when he was younger. God, he hated the winter season. He remembers that when he was younger, his mother used to keep him locked at home, all the windows shut and Steve could not even get closer to the front door. His only distraction was his sketches and Bucky that would come over and play with Steve, drinking hot chocolate and watching cartoons together.

Steve laid his head against Tony’s shoulder on his side. His breath slowed down, and the world looked a bit clearer now, even though the sky was gray and cloudy. Steve found himself breathing in the scent on Tony’s shirt. That scent he learned to feel every single day in those past weeks. The same scent Steve missed when he got home. He got addicted to it. Tony smelled like home. And Steve was in need of a home, though he would never admit it to anyone.

“You know, I was thinking, back in the nineties, these kinds of accidents were common. The material they used to make light bulbs was shitty,” Tony commented, rubbing his hand up and down on Steve’s arm. “Though, I found it funny the way the models yelled because of it.”

Steve laughs.

“Why did you become a model?” He asked, curiosity getting the best of him.

Tony seems to think a little before replying.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged slightly to not bother Steve. “Someone told me I’d be good at it, I did some photos for a campaign in college, then I just kept doing it. Also, my father hated it, and I liked to do what my father didn’t want me to, it annoyed him,” this made Steve laugh again. “I guess that’s it. Then, he and my mother died in a car crash some years later. I had my own money from some photoshoots and eventually inherited the company. It wasn’t what it is nowadays, but I managed it.”

“I’m sorry about your parents.”

“Don’t be. My mother was such a lady, she was kind and I remember she worked as a volunteer sometimes. My old man hated it, too. He only wanted things in his way. Anyway, he was a jerk.”

Steve lifted up his head suddenly, staring at Tony, who seemed a little surprised by his sudden movement. Since they started to hang out together, Tony had never mentioned his parents, he barely spoke about his past. Steve could never judge him, however, since the soldier, himself, had never spoken about his parents, his childhood, and his time in the army. So, he could not ask Tony what he wasn’t willing to give either, but now that Tony started talking, Steve felt like he needed to open up with the man, too.

“My father wasn’t the best either,” Steve made a pause. “He used to drink. A lot. That’s why I hate drinking so much,” he stretched his legs. “He was an abusive son of a bitch. He beat my mother and me. Then, he’d say he would be better, he would not do it again, and everything was fine for a while until the next one.” Tony squeezed his knee slightly, a comforting touch.

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Tony said. “I understand now why you don’t drink.”

“Yeah,” Steve leaned his head on the wall. “He died when I was 8, which was a relief for us, though she had to double shift. She passed away when I was 18,” Tony hasn’t looked away not even for a while, attentive to Steve’s words. “Then, Bucky was all the family I had.”

“You have me, too, now,” Tony said, his voice sounding hoarse from the cold.

Steve looked at him, a small smile forming on the corners of his lips when Tony leaned in and met his lips in a tender kiss. Opening their lips slowly, enjoying the simple contact between them, before his tongue slipped in Tony’s, involved in the warmth of the model’s mouth. Brief, when they pulled away, pressing their foreheads together as Tony traced his thumb on Steve’s jawline.

“Thank you,” Steve said, moving his head to press a kiss on Tony’s wrist.

“Shall we?” Tony grinned, extending his hand to Steve who happily took it.

He did not want to face all the staff again, and Wanda, and Natasha, who also witness his anxiety attack, but he knew he had to. It was one of the days to cope. He needed to face it, no matter how scared or shameful he felt. If he wanted to overcome it, this was something he needed to do. The fact that Tony was holding his hand and standing there by his side turns it a little bit easier. Tony would be there, right? In case, he needed someone to lean on again.

Though, no one in that enterprise knew that they'd been hanging out. Okay, maybe Natasha knew about it since she was Tony’s friend, one of the few friends he had, at least, that Steve knew. Tony talked about his best friend from MIT, Colonel James Rhodes, he remembers Tony telling him that they would get along very well. There was also Happy Hogan, his bodyguard and sometimes driver, and Pepper Potts, Tony’s assistant. James Rhodes, or as Tony liked to call him, Rhodey, was on a classified mission abroad, Tony expected him to be back by Christmas time.

Yet, Steve wasn’t sure where knowing all these things about Tony put him to. They've spent an amount of time together, but were they dating? Steve had absolutely no idea how to put it. He knows he should probably ask Tony, there was nothing wrong in asking, right?

Steve feels small butterflies in his stomach when they walk back into the studio. The remnants of the light bulb's explosion were already gone. People were cleaning up the mess that happened in there, some lamps and clothes on the floor. Steve spots his own camera on the floor, lying where Steve crouched down before Tony pulled him out. However, the main focus was on their intertwined hands. He can feel every single gaze on him and Tony as they walk in.

“Why the hell did it explode?” Wanda asked Natasha, she was holding an unused, new light bulb. The red-haired was massaging her temple like she had woken up from a terrible dream.

Natasha looked at their hands, though she didn't say anything. She just shrugged in response to Wanda.

Steve lets go of Tony’s hands to catch his camera on the ground, cleaning the dirt with the back of his sweater. Tony, on the other hand, takes the light bulb from Wanda’s hand, rolling it in his hands.

“Hammer Industries, what did you expect?” Tony shrugged, giving it back to the intern.

Steve chuckles, shaking his head, then Tony winks at him. Steve checks for the memory card inside the camera.

“Okay. We will keep it tomorrow,” Natasha shouts. “When I arrange new light bulbs. You’re all dismissed for today,” she tilts her head. Everyone nods in understanding. “Steve, I need to talk to you in the office,” Natasha says close to the blond. Steve looks down at her, nodding.

Is he in trouble? Because he feels like he’s in trouble. Is it because of Tony? He hopes not. He could not get fire now.

Natasha waves her hand to Steve to follow. The blond looks quickly to where Tony’s standing with Wanda, but the brunet is too focused on explaining energy, electricity, and physics to look back at him. Steve does not see any other option than follow the red-haired into her office.

Steve enters the office right behind her. Nothing had changed since the last time he came here. Natasha does not seem to be fond of decoration or personal items in her workplace, so there wasn’t much he could tell about the woman. The place was neutral, as neutral as her countenance when she pulled away from a few papers on her desk, sitting at its border.

“Is everything okay?” Steve nodded, realizing that even though the woman scares him, he should be able to answer her with his own words.

“Yes.” Steve gulped. 

“What’s happening between you and Tony?” Straight to the point. Steve does notice her eyes on him as if she was capable of reading him. Steve does not doubt that, though. So far, Natasha has shown a good ability to read body language.

“I don’t know,” Steve confesses. “We’ve been going out.”

Natasha raises a brow, expecting more. Steve does not know how to explain what’s going on between him and Tony because he doesn’t know himself. They are… more than friends at this point, but he also couldn’t call it a relationship since none of them had talked about it. So, it seems like the most suitable response to give to his boss.

“Huh,” Natasha stands up, joining the papers on the desk. “Are you okay with that?” Steve nodded. “What I mean, Steve, is Tony bothering you in anyways? Are you feeling obligated to go out with him just because he’s a star? ‘Cause, you don’t have to. We’ve talked about it before. I don’t want any of you to get out of this hurt.”

“We’re fine, Natasha. I mean, I’m okay. I--I’m not feeling obligated. It’s… everything’s okay between us,” Steve assures her.

“If you say so,” Natasha shrugs, putting each paper into the right folder on her shelf. “You can always talk to me, Steve. I can talk to Tony about his behavior if you ever feel uncomfortable, you just have to tell me.”

“I appreciate it.”

“Tony’s a friend, but he does some shit sometimes. Until last year he was in a relationship with Pepper--”

“Miss Potts?” Steve blinks, a little bit incredulous to have learned that by Natasha and not Tony.

“Yeah,” Natasha furrows. “You know, I really thought she would be the one Tony would settle down. Then, he started to act reckless, going out and spending nights out. Betting. God. He started drinking too much again. He had been sober for 6 months. I didn’t know what turned him like that again,” Natasha sighed. “Anyway, Pepper broke up, which worsened everything for a while. Then, I heard he went to Italy, his mother was Italian, I guess,” Natasha seemed to think for a bit before continuing. “He disappeared for all those months till Pepper came here, and… Well, you heard everything that day.”

Steve acquiesced. He couldn’t help but feel a little upset for Tony not having told him about his relationship with Pepper, since they both still work together, and Pepper seemed really close to Tony. Though he couldn’t blame Tony either, after all, it was in the past, right? It doesn’t matter what was in the past.

Steve doesn’t have much experience in relationships. He didn’t know if people usually talk about their past lovers. When he was in college, he used to hang up, rarely, making out with some guys, but nothing really serious. It was generally one nightstand, which was also something Steve could not blame on Tony for his nightstands or exes, those are a lot. However, Steve was done with being only a nightstand. He needed to know if what they had was serious. He didn’t want to get attached to the model if it means nothing else for him.

“Yes, sure,” he replies distractedly. Natasha puts the last folder back on the shelf before turning to face him, she places both hands on the desk, looking more serious than Steve had ever seen.

“He has the fame of being a playboy, but he’s not like this, Steve. When he gives out his heart, that’s for real,” she sits down. “I see that you both care about each other. He deserves to be happy, Steve.”

Steve nodded. He likes Tony. He really does. He just had to hope that he was required. Steve could live a happy life with Tony by his side. Tony could be hard to handle, but once he got to know him, Steve could see how the kindness overflows through his heart. He had seen it when Tony was spending time with Peter in the orphanage, or the SI’s event Tony hosted. Steve just wishes Tony opened up more about him. He’s aware that it takes time, Steve was willing to wait for him.

“I know,” Steve mutters more to himself than to Natasha. The soldier opens his hand, looking at the memory card. He hands it out to Natasha. “The photos were taken before the incident are in there, in case you want to check them up.” The red-haired.

“Thank you, Steve. Enjoy the rest of your day, huh?” There’s a smirk on her face when Steve turns around by the door. He surely will. He smiles back, waving her goodbye.

He feels some stares on him as he walks back to the studio. Steve supposes everyone must be talking about the way Tony and he entered hand in hand into the place, after all, people love a good gossip. Tony is back in his daily clothes when Steve reaches it. The brunet is in fact waiting for him next to Steve’s bag. Tony leans to a kiss, but their lips only brush for a second before Steve puts his attention back on the bag, tucking the camera into it.

Tony frowns, seeming a little disappointed with Steve's sudden distance. It wasn’t that he did not want to kiss Tony. God knows how much he wanted it. It was just not the right place for it. The blond surely didn’t want to be the gossip of the week, although he was sure that people would not forget about the photographer and the model so soon, at least, not until a new, more interesting gossip appears.

“Hey,” Tony takes Steve’s hand, stopping him from organizing his bag. “Let’s go to my place.”

Steve looks around, but the few people still in there seem to be minding their own business.

“I’m not sure…” he lets it hang in the air.

“Hey, is it because…” Tony is interrupted by Wanda popping by his side.

“Tony, I found this aspirin in my bag,” she hands the pill to the model.

“Thanks, Wanda,” Tony gives her a small smile. The youngest nods, walking away. “Is it because we were holding hands? Did I turn it awkward? You should’ve told me that you are uncomfortable that people know we are dating,” Tony concludes.

Steve blinks, wondering if he had heard correctly. Did Tony just tell him that they were dating? Is it what--

“We’re dating?” The furrow between his brows is visible. Confusion is evident on Tony’s face.

“I--We are not?”

“No, no,” Steve waves his hands. “I mean, are we dating? We never really talked about it, and things just start happening too quickly--”

“Yeah, sure. So, yeah. We never made it officially,” Tony shoves the pill in his mouth. “I--I just thought--”

“It’s okay. I--I’ve never asked--”

Tony shakes his head, bursting into laughter all of sudden, though his laughter is not enough to draw attention to them, which Steve is thankful for. He can’t help the grin that appears on his face either. They were really dumb, aren’t they? They certainly needed to improve their communication.

Tony takes a deep breath, recovering from his outburst. He stares at Steve, getting serious.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to, I should have not presumed--”

Steve didn’t let him complete the sentence. Instead, he leaned in and captured the lips of the short man. It doesn’t matter if people around them were looking at them. Oh my God. He was dating Tony Stark. Tony Stark of all people in this department.

“Wow!” Tony said when they pulled away. “I like it. You should do it more often.”

Steve chuckles.

“I want it, Tony. I should’ve asked before,” Steve sighs, zipping his bag and throwing it upon his shoulder. “I have to say that I thought you just saw me as one nightstand,” the Captain admits.

“I’m doing it again,” Tony said, and Steve looked at him confused. “Having one nightstand. Parties. I’m sick of all this bullshit. Pepper said I’d settle down one day, I guess it is gonna be sooner than she thought,” Tony shrugged.

“I’m happy for you, Tony,” Steve said, brushing his fingers against Tony’s hand slightly. Tony gave Steve the cutest smile the blond had ever seen. “I’m glad you took this decision for yourself.”

Steve can’t help the impulse of kissing Tony’s forehead. Proud of Tony’s life choices. Tony wraps his arm around Steve.

“Let’s go to the tower, shall we?”

Steve smiles, then nods. They have the entire day off, maybe they could just watch Netflix and chill. Whatever. Steve still had to invite Tony for Thanksgiving dinner. He hasn’t commented anything since he wasn’t sure if they were together or just enjoying each other's company, but now that he knew for sure that what’s happening between them were more, he could bring Tony home. Well, he still had to tell Bucky and Peggy about Tony, even though he knew that Peggy wouldn’t mind Tony’s presence, actually, she would be delighted to receive him.

Of course, he had to ask about Tony’s own plans for Friday since it was already Wednesday. Although Tony did not have a ‘family’, for it Steve means, someone from his own bloodline. Tony has his best friend, Rhodey, whom Steve had heard a lot about, then, Happy, of course, and Pepper. Pepper. Steve tenses up when he thinks that Tony and Pepper had been in a relationship not so long ago. Though Steve remembers that he and Tony are very recent, he should not feel this much jealousy.

Happy is not here today, according to Tony, he’s driving Pepper around for some SI’s business, which means it’s only him and Tony in the car. Thankfully, traffic is not so bad, and the Stark Tower is in the middle of town, easy access, plus, the silence in the car is not awkward like it was in the first times Tony picked him up in Brooklyn. In one of Tony’s songs, Steve wasn’t good at memorizing their names, and he also prefers classic older songs, filled with silence.

“Is Happy in Malibu?” Steve breaks the silence, trying to start a conversation.

Tony had mentioned that the head office was in Malibu since Tony is from there. In fact, he lived in California, although he was spending some time in New York to accomplish the photoshoots and the end of his contract with SHIELD Clothing, much to Steve’s dislike. He didn’t want Tony to go away, but he also could not ask him to stay.

“Yes. I--” Tony keeps his eyes on the road. “I’m making Pepper CEO of Stark Industries.”

“What? Why?” Steve asks, surprised.

“She--She’s better handling business than me, so it’s the most obvious choice.” Tony shrugs, then glance at Steve. “I’ve known Pepper for years. She’s perfect for the job.”

“I thought you liked--”

“I like to create and develop stuff. That’s why I’m going to keep working in the R&D,” the billionaire explains. “I need less stress in my life right now.” Steve notices the way Tony clenches his hands on the wheel. He does not ask further, though, if something is bothering Tony, then he would tell him eventually.

“Okay,” Steve replies, turning back to the window. “So, when Happy is back?”

“I don’t know. Pepper needs him more than I do,” Steve frowns. “Pepper and Happy are… dating. God, I’m still trying to assimilate it, you know? They’re a good couple.”

“Wow. I had no idea,” Steve shifts uncomfortably on his seat. “Are you okay with this?” He waves his hand.

Tony twitches his nose, glancing up at Steve.

“Yeah. Sure. Why would I not be?”

Steve shrugs.

“I… I don’t know?” He knows he’s a bad liar. Bucky always tells him that. His indifferent pose doesn’t mean anything. However, since Steve knows Tony, the brunet has always been good at reading people around him. 

“What?” Tony asked.

“Nothing.”

“Steve.”

“‘Kay. I mean, she’s your ex, isn’t she? And she’s dating your driver, so are you okay with this?”

Tony laughs. 

That’s it. He laughs as if Steve just had told him the funniest of the jokes. Steve blushes, he shouldn’t have mentioned anything. He always puts himself in awkward situations. If only he had kept his mouth shut. Tony uses his hand to cover his mouth as he giggles, keeping the other on the wheel. Damn it, Steve felt so dumb.

“Okay, okay,” Tony shakes his head, the phantom of a smile tugging in the corner of his lips. “I’m okay with all of this. Pepper and I are friends. We’ve been friends for… what? 10 years, I guess,” Tony taps on his chin. “I guess so. Anyway, we’ve had a relationship in the past, two years ago, I think, I’m not sure. God, I’m terrible at dates. We are fine. We broke up for the best. We’re only friends. I trust Pepper, she trusts me,” Steve raised an amused brow. “Okay. She trusts me a little bit. She’ll handle the board meeting better than me, so it’s an obvious choice. She loves what she does. We’re all good,” Tony reaches for Steve’s hand on the blond’s knee. “She’s just a friend, Steve.”

Steve places his hand over Tony’s, giving it a slight squeeze.

“Okay.”

“You can ask, you know that,” Tony states.

“I know.”

Tony parks the car. They take the elevator up to the penthouse, and Steve has to admit that they can’t keep their hands to themselves.

They haven’t had sex yet, although this fact doesn’t bother Steve since they were still getting to know each other. However, Steve can’t deny that he’s kind of expecting it. He had seen Tony almost naked a thousand times since they started to work together, which the brunet’s body was enough to make Steve aroused, and it was getting harder to disguise, now that they spent a lot of time together.

So, when Tony pulled Steve to a kiss inside the elevator, Steve wraps his arms around Tony’s waist, pulling him even closer and deepening their kiss. They embrace in a hot, suggestive kiss. Steve’s hand runs under Tony’s shirt, caressing his back.

“Easy, soldier,” Tony mumbled between their kisses, though Tony doesn’t make anything to help him when the brunet bites his lower lip.

“Don’t tease me,” Steve retorted.

“Not today, soldier.”

The elevator’s doors opened, and Tony broke the kiss, walking into the living room of the penthouse. Steve sighed exasperatedly. He did not understand what was holding Tony back. They surely needed to talk about it, but not today. Today Steve wasn’t in the mood, he just wanted… sex. And ask Tony about his Thanksgiving plans, of course. Steve followed Tony into the kitchen, where the brunet was already preparing coffee for himself.

“Okay, then,” Steve said, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. “So what are your plans for tonight, then?” he asked curiously. In his heart, Steve was happy that Tony wasn’t just using him. He was not a nightstand like he had thought at first, and that was great. Wonderful, really.

Tony shrugged, throwing some pills in his mouth and drinking a glass of water. Steve frowns slightly, Tony hasn’t complained about any pains on the way to the Tower. Anyway, whatever those pills are, he hoped Tony would be okay. And maybe that’s why Tony wasn’t into sex today. They had a long, long day of work.

“Watch some movies, maybe,” Tony turned around to the sink, rinsing the glass. “What was that TV show you were talking about?”

Steve had commented about this show Bucky could not shut up in the morning with Wanda and Tony. The coffee machine sounded, and Tony reached for two cups, a red one, and another blue one.

“The Marvelous--”

Tony stopped suddenly, stumbling and hitting one of the cups against the kitchen counter. Pieces of the blue cup fell all over the place.

“Tony!” Steve yelled. Tony leaned against the counter, putting down the red cup carefully. Steve rested a hand on Tony’s hip to assure his balance.

“Shit,” Tony mumbled. “I’m okay,” he said, seeing Steve’s worried face. “It was just a long day, you know.” Steve nodded, still frightened by Tony’s almost fall. “I should leave the coffee for another time.” Steve couldn’t agree more.“Let’s watch this show,” Tony took a step forward, but his balance still seemed quite uncertain, so Steve just kept his hand next to Tony’s waist and walked closer to him.

Steve sat close to Tony on that fancy couch as Tony asked Jarvis to put on the show Steve just mentioned. The soldier repeated it out loud, and the screen lit up with The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel's first episode. Steve went to get his camera and bag he had dropped in the kitchen when Tony tripped. Steve threw the bag over his shoulder. He was just passing next to the counter on his way back to the living room when he saw a few not open correspondences on it. Steve glanced at them longly, noticing the logo in the front of it.

“Steve?” Tony called, bringing Steve back to their actual situation. “You’re gonna lose the show, honey.”

“‘M coming,” Steve replied, ignoring the will to check the correspondences and entering the room again.

Steve gets himself comfortable with Tony, who had just kicked out his shoes and was chilling on the couch as the episode played on TV. Tony snuggled close when Steve sat. The blond couldn’t help to wrap his face around the model’s shoulders, pulling him closer to place a gentle kiss on the top of his head. This only encourages Tony to put a kiss on Steve’s chin. He needs to shave soon, tonight, otherwise, he could already listen to Peggy's complaints about Steve’s appearance at the Thanksgiving dinner.

“Do you have plans for Thanksgiving?” Steve asked, caressing Tony’s black hair.

“Hm… Not really,” Tony replied, eyes still fixed on the show.

“Thanksgiving is tomorrow,” Steve said, uncertain of how to invite him. Damn, he just needed to ask, it’s a simple task.

“Yep.”

“Do you want to come over for dinner?” He blurted out. Tony shifted to look at him. “I mean if you want to. It’s nothing big. My friend Peggy, she’s going to marry my best friend, Bucky. Uh. We always have dinner together on Thanksgiving, so… I can pick you up if you want to.”

“It sounds like a good plan,” Tony grinned

* * *

Steve was in front of the Stark Tower at 04 p.m. He sent a text to Tony who only answered with a winky face, apparently, Tony’s favorite emoji according to the bunch of messages they’ve sent each other those past weeks.

Peggy got excited when asked if he could bring someone along for dinner. Of course, she knew who the person was. On the other hand, Bucky was curious. Steve hasn’t been at home often lately, so his best friend knew little about Tony, but that wasn’t a problem, they would have the time to get to know each other during dinner. Peggy loves to talk, so Steve was sure that she would be the one who speaks more at the table.

“You are twenty minutes late,” Steve said when he saw Tony coming at the front door. 

“Am I?” Tony said, taking off his sunglasses.

Steve can’t resist that sassy smile on Tony’s face. Tony leans up, catching Steve’s lips kindly, experimenting with each other’s lips before their tongues met in a quick, lovely kiss. They are smiling like two in-love teenage boys when they pull apart.

Steve hands a helmet to Tony.

“Have you been in Brooklyn before?” Steve mounts on the bike.

“Sure don’t,” Tony puts the helmet on, wrapping his arm around Steve’s torso.

The ride to Brooklyn was quite calm. Steve had the chance of showing Tony some establishments around, and alleys he was beaten up at when he was a child and Bucky needs to get him away from troublemakers. They passed in front of Peggy’s restaurant, which Tony already had heard about. Peggy would be over the moon when she knew that people were talking about her sympathetic establishment.

They headed to Steve and Bucky’s apartment where they used to celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all other holidays someone could think of. Steve was homelike. There was nothing better than staying in the comfort of the house. He only got out when Bucky, or Peggy, or Sam asked him for something. Although now that he was hanging out with Tony, he had been a little absent from his household.

Steve intertwined their hands as they came up upstairs. They stopped at the front door as Steve looked for his keys. He was never able to find his keys inside the pockets with the amount of trash Steve keeps in there when the door opened suddenly.

“Hello, punk. You forgot your keys?” Bucky asks, holding up the keychain.

“How did you know it was me?” Steve furrowed.

“I know your steps,” Bucky replies, grinning and stretching up to glance after Steve’s broad shoulders. “Hey, you, stranger.”

Steve turned around, making space for Tony to come forward.

“Tony, this is Bucky.”

Tony stretches his hand to greet him.

“Tony Stark.” Bucky handshakes.

“James Barnes, but everyone calls me Bucky because of this punk,” Bucky slaps Steve’s on the back of his neck.

“Come in, boys,” a British voice sounds from the inside.

Steve put a hand on Tony’s lower back, pushing him forward and past Bucky who closed the door.

“Good. Everyone’s here,” Peggy says, straightening her dark blue skirt.

“Peggy, this is Tony,” Steve introduces them.

They shake their hands in acquaintance.

“Steve talked a lot about you,” Peggy said.

“Did he?” Tony raised a brow, a sassy smirk appeared on his lips. Steve winked at him as he went to the kitchen with Bucky.

“I’m so glad you came, Tony. I’m pleased to meet you,” Peggy said, sitting on the couch, pulling Tony with her.

“Well, when Steve asked I could not say no,” Tony said.

Then, Steve and Bucky put the plates and cutlery on the well-organized table. It wasn’t a big table, but they could fit in it. Peggy stood up, giving orders to the boy to well place the table while Tony observed it.

“Come here, Tony,” Steve called when they finished the table, and Peggy started to sit down. Bucky was the last that came from the kitchen, holding a bottle of wine. Steve narrowed his lips, he hadn’t mentioned that Tony wasn’t drinking anymore, and he does not want to make him uncomfortable among his friends. Bucky poured the red liquid into the glasses.

“Huh-huh, sorry, I don’t drink,” Tony said when Bucky moved to fill it.

“ _Oh_ ,” Peggy let out, sending a discreet, but furious look at Steve. “We have a soda, sparkle water--”

“Sparkle water is fine,” Tony interrupted.

Another look from Peggy sent Bucky back to the kitchen.

“Steve hasn’t mentioned you didn’t drink, Tony,” Peggy said.

“I--” Steve was about to apologize when Tony held his hand, squeezing softly.

“It’s okay. It’s a recent thing,” Tony took his hand to his lips, placing a kind kiss there. “We have so much in our minds lately with all those photoshoots. It must have slipped his mind. It’s fine, really.” Tony preventing Steve from receiving a scold is a funny thing, which Steve was grateful for.

Peggy gave them a fond smile. Bucky just puts the sparkle water bottle in front of Tony.

“Great. I guess we should say what we’re thankful for this year,” Peggy started. “Anyone want to begin?”

“I’m thankful for--” Bucky started, he rested his chin on his hands as if he was thinking. “My job. This prosthesis. Well, nothing extraordinary happened this year, huh,” Bucky made a pause. “ _Ah!_ I’m thankful for this beautiful woman I’m going to marry in less than two months,” he finally said. Steve observes Peggy blushes when Bucky leans in to kiss her cheek.

“Oh, I guess it’s my turn, then,” Peggy tucked her hair behind the ear. “I’m thankful for the success and attention my restaurant is receiving. I’m thankful for my new-born niece, Sharon. And I’m thankful that I’m going to marry this man.” Peggy points to Bucky, and everyone laughs. “Okay, okay. Tony, you want to continue?”

Tony bites his lower lip. Steve notices his brown watery eyes, so he rubs up and down Tony’s back in a comforting gesture. He did not know what was wrong, but if he could reassure Tony that everything was fine, he would. After all, the man had done the same for him on other occasions.

“This year, huh, was… How can I define it?” Everyone’s eyes fell onto Tony. “Everything was falling apart. I fell apart along with it. I’ve felt hopeless. I hadn’t anything to celebrate or be thankful for on Thanksgiving back then. It wasn’t my best year. But when our whole world is crumbling, and you feel there’s nothing left of you. Well, the world shows us that we are wrong. There’s always a little piece, a tiny piece that keeps fighting. A tiny piece that keeps beating, hopeful, attentive, waiting for something you don’t know,” Tony sighs. “I’m thankful for all the people that helped through the worst days. But I’m really thankful for this guy,” Tony stared at Steve. “I’m thankful that he does not let people tell him who I am, or was, I don’t know. I’m thankful that he does not give up on me. So, yes. I’m thankful for having you Steve Rogers in my life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Kudos and comments are much appreciated.  
> See y'all next week.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're close to the end, and I'm happy to announce that this story is officially complete. I'll post it regularly now.

Steve still could not believe in the declaration of love that Tony made during the Thanksgiving dinner. He laid on his bed, arms behind his head, looking at the ceiling with a silly smile on his lips. Too bad Tony had not stayed here. Because that’s all Steve wanted, Tony fast asleep by his side.

But no. Tony said he had things to sign for his company tomorrow morning, and he would not like to wake Steve up early, even though Steve wakes up early anyway. Then, Tony used the excuse that Pepper would not be happy if Tony gets later, which the brunet said he very likely intended to get late at any meeting if he was to sleep by Steve’s side. He said it with a sassy smile on his face followed by a naughty wink that made Steve blushes a little.

Steve left him in the penthouse, glancing at the counter where he had seen those bills last time he had been there, but they weren’t there anymore. By the time Steve got back to the apartment, Bucky and Peggy were out of sight, locked in Bucky’s room, but the plates piled up on the sink. Steve had shaken his head before putting them in the dishwasher and stoking the leftovers in the fridge.

It had been a great night. A successful night, Steve would say. Peggy was in awe with Tony, and Bucky and Tony talked about tech stuff as Bucky asked if Steve was available to go get a nice tuxedo to his wedding. Peggy already had a dress, but Bucky was a little late, and Peggy would kill him if she learned that her organized schedule wasn’t being properly followed as she expected it.

There he was, laying on his back as the words Tony said at the dinner table sank in. Those sweet words sounding in his ears as beautiful, melodic chants. Tony was thankful for having him. Tony was thankful because Steve had not lost faith in him. Tony was thankful for Steve. Steve was far from being flawless, but the way Tony talked about him as if Steve was all the good he could see.

Eventually, he succumbed to his slumber, his thoughts filled by Tony’s words of affection, the touches and caresses they had exchanged early. Steve wished Tony had stayed. He wished they could cuddle on their bed because Steve loved the thought of having Tony in his arms. He wishes he could show that broken man how much love Steve was willing to give him. How much he was truly loved.

That night, Steve did not have nightmares. Either because of the tiredness, the medication, or the wine, though Steve preferred that the thoughts of Tony were that lulled him to slumber.

-

Steve has been running for a few minutes when he turns the corner and almost bumps into Sam, who has his earphones on, distractedly enjoying a song, or a podcast during his morning run.

“On your left,” Steve said as a greeting, their inside joke, the blond knew very well that it would annoy the other man since he does not like being caught in surprise.

“Oh, shit, man,” Sam startled, pulling off the earphones. “Hey,” he clips the cable to his sweaty shirt.

“Hey,” Steve takes a deep breath. “I haven’t seen you around here lately,” Steve comments.

Steve hasn't seen Sam Wilson since that event when the man had called him in a photographer emergency. They were not the type to text either, or calls, though Bucky surely had been talking to Sam over the phone. Sam was helping the dark-haired to set a nice place for his and Peggy’s wedding. Sam was the best person to contact if anyone needed to organize an event.

“I’ve gone to Washington,” Sam said. “The support group, you know. We had a few addictions,” Sam turns his bottle, the water runs down his chin, soaking the gray shirt.

Steve had attended a few meetings when he came back from Afghanistan. He wasn’t really good at socializing, though, even if Sam was his friend, he still felt uncomfortable to talk about his time in the Army in front of him. Bucky had politely refused Sam’s offer at first, then he accompanied Steve in a few meetings before he found a support group in Manhattan. Yet, Steve felt like he didn’t fit anywhere, so he stopped going and focused on finding a job. Bucky occasionally goes for some meetings, but not as much as they used to go.

“Yeah, I know. How are you, Sam?” Steve asked.

“I’m good, Cap. What about you? How are you doing after the news?” Steve furrowed. What news?

“What news?” Steve raised a brow, confused clearly expressed on his face, only for Sam to frown as well.

“Steve, have you checked the news today?” Sam pulls out the phone from his pocket, shoving only the earphones inside it.

Steve searched for his phone, only to remember he had left in the apartment. And he was always complaining of Bucky forgetting his stuff.

Sam stepped closer, turning his phone at Steve, then he read it.

Tony Stark’s New Affair, the headline said, followed by a picture of Steve and Tony kissing in front of Stark Tower when he went to pick Tony for Thanksgiving dinner. Yesterday. 

_ Tony Stark is minding more than business in the new collection campaign for SHIELD Clothing. The model was seen with the new photographer, Steve Rogers, in front of Stark Tower in a passionate kiss in the morning of Thanksgiving. _

A gossip site. Steve's private life was suddenly exposed on a gossip site.

“Shit,” Steve said, grasping the phone. “Shit.”

“So, you and Stark, huh?” Sam has a suggestive smirk on his face.

“How--?” Steve could not find words to express what he was feeling.

He hates being the center of attention, and now all New York would be knowing about his existence due to his relationship with Tony. He did not regret what he and Tony had, but he had never thought about the possibility of becoming a gossip in some tabloid. Tony was used to it, but not Steve, and the soldier weren’t sure of what to expect now.

“Steve?” Sam snaps his fingers in front of him, making Steve walk backward. “Man, are you okay? I know this is bad, but--” Steve pushed the phone against Sam’s chest.

“Yeah, yeah,” he nodded. “I--I gotta go. See ya,” Steve shouted already running back home.

He felt dizzy, and the streets were just a blur as he ran. Steve had the impression that everyone was looking at him, but it was still early in the morning, no one would’ve read it. Not yet. He still had time to pretend to lead an ordinary life. He could still pretend to be only Steve Rogers, and not Steve, Tony’s lover.

He should not care so much about it, after all, he and Tony were in a relationship. They had not tried to hide it, but the news, the photo, and the description were not something he was ready for. Yet, there was nothing he could do to change it. He couldn’t help but think that maybe if he was more careful if they had been more careful, it would not happen. But it would because Tony’s a celebrity. He was not only a famous boxer model, but he was also the owner of Stark Industries, one of the biggest companies in the country. Plus, he has fame. Tony had been involved in a lot of scandals before. Steve just hated that attention he would inevitably get.

He shut the door, leaning on it. Steve closed his eyes, attempting to breathe.

Inhale, exhale.

He could do it. It was just a stupid magazine. His shoulders were shaking while his breath was stabilizing. Steve would be fine. It was just a stupid headline. It meant nothing.

“Stevie?” Bucky’s voice came from the kitchen.

Steve turned around slowly. Peggy had a cup of tea in her hands, her hair in a bun while Bucky had leaned over the counter to look at him at the front door.

“Sorry, I was just--” Steve waved his hands, looking for some excuse.

“Nothing to be sorry about, Steve,” Peggy said, she made a sign for Steve to come closer. The blond crossed the room, sitting by her side, Bucky promptly placed a cup of tea in front of Steve as well.

He would rather a frappuccino, like the one Tony bought him when they first met in that coffee shop, but Steve supposed caffeine wasn’t good for someone near to an anxiety attack. So, he sipped the content in the cup, identifying that it was a mint tea.

It brings up the memory of his childhood. His mother used to prepare mint tea for him during the winter. It tastes amazingly good, the smell is satisfying, and it treats his sore throat amazingly back then. Some days, when they had not enough food that kept them going till his mother got a full-time job as a nurse in a public hospital. So, even though Steve did not enjoy tea, he would always carry a fond memory of mint tea. 

“So, are we good about--” Peggy slapped Bucky on the arm before he could finish the sentence. “Ouch!” He said though Steve knew he felt nothing on his metal arm.

“How are you feeling, Steve?” Peggy asked nicely, turning her full attention at him.

Steve sips the tea before answering.

“Terrified,” he puts the cup on the counter, aware of Peggy and Bucky’s gaze on him. “I mean, I felt like everyone was looking at me on the streets. I didn’t know till I bumped into Sam and he asked me how I was dealing with the news,” Steve nervously drinks his tea again. “How am I supposed to react to this kind of thing?”

“You’re dating a celebrity, so you might get used to it,” Peggy’s gaze is mortal at Bucky. “What?” he waves his hands.

“You’re right,” Steve points out. Peggy raises a brow at him. “What? He’s right. If I’m gonna keep dating Tony, I have to get used to it.”

“It’s totally fine to feel uncomfortable about it, Steve,” Peggy says. “We’re still here for you, though James is not really helpful.”

“Hey!”

“I’m not feeling good enough to go picking a tuxedo with you, Bucky, sorry,” Steve said in an attempt to divert the sudden attention he was getting to himself. It seems to work when 

“James Barnes, what is it that I’m listening to that you don’t have a tuxedo yet?!” Peggy stands up.

“Damn it, Steve!” It’s the last thing Steve listens to Bucky saying before he stands up and goes to his room.

Steve leans on the door closed behind him, his eyes go to the opened window, the wind is getting colder as December approaches. He stares at the painting he has been working on these past days, he needs to finish it. Steve was pondering going back to the painting when his phone chimes on his nightstand. Steve thinks about ignoring it for a while, too afraid of the content available on the Internet now that his face was exposed in all gossip magazines out there. He surely does not need anything to trigger an anxiety attack on him again. The phone buzzes, the screen lights up showing a well-known name. Probably, the most commented name today along with his own.

“Tony,” Steve says when he accepts the call. Tony is not the type who calls, but here he is calling Steve early in the morning, which is also unusual. He only hopes that Tony got some sleep.

“Hon’, hey. Pepper wakes me up, blaring out at me because of the news. Have you checked it? Fuck, you probably did. Damn, I’m sorry. I didn’t know--” Tony dumped him before Steve cut him off. It’s not Tony’s fault. He knows it.

“Tony, Tony, hey. It’s not your fault, ‘kay? It could happen anytime. I knew it. You are a celebrity, after all,” Steve soothes him, which seems out of place once Steve was panicking just a few minutes ago.

“I--shit. I’m sorry. I--I should’ve known it before. Just--,” Tony sighs on the other side, and Steve could almost see him pinching the bridge of his nose as a furrow appeared between his brows. “I’m gonna fucking sue them.”

Steve smiles.

“Don’t do that for me. I’m cool about it, Tony,” the soldier assures his short man.

“Are you?” Steve wasn’t exactly cool about it. In fact, he was terrified of leaving his apartment this morning. He would wonder what people were thinking about him out there.

“Not exactly,” Steve sighs, trying not to sound nervous.

“Just…” Tony pulls away from the phone for an instant, and Steve can listen to a voice in the background. Probably, Pepper Potts. He can’t help the wave of jealousy that comes over him at the idea of the woman near his boyfriend. It’s silly, he knows, but since he found out that Pepper and Tony had been in a relationship before, he could not stand her around him. “Don’t say anything. Don’t talk to any journalist that may appear by your side, and it’s all gonna be fine. Pepper and I have this covered, you don’t have to worry.” Tony finally said.

“Right,” Steve mutters, he glances up at the canvas one more time. “Pepper and you, of course.” He does not mean to sound so bitter.

“Steve…” Tony sighs. There’s a knock on Steve’s door, and Bucky pops his head in, mouthing ‘the tailor is waiting.’

Oh right. Fuck. He’s supposed to help Bucky with his tuxedo today, which means that he can’t stay indoors and ignore the outside world as he wanted to do. Steve nods.

“I know. I know,” the response served as well for Tony as for Bucky. “Bucky needs my help with the tailor, I have to go.”

“Okay, then. We can talk later,” Tony says. 

Steve smiles softly.

“Bye, babe.”

-

Thankfully, they got an Uber towards Manhattan. Steve wasn’t sure yet of how to react with people since his face was on the gossip magazines out there. The uber driver looked at him twice when he got in, but he did not say anything, instead just played a song on the radio and they went in silence all the way to the tailor that Bucky had consulted a few days ago.

To Steve's displeasure, there were clients waiting in the store. Father talking about their daughter’s wedding, fiancés talking about their future wives, another man talking about his divorce and how unhappy he was to have to see his ex-wife because of his son’s wedding, and a grandmother accompanying her two grandsons looking for a good looking suit for the church.

Bucky was currently talking with the grandmother, whose children could not stay put long enough. So, Steve looked out the showcase, observing people working, and others doing their Christmas shop. It reminded him that he had not gotten a Christmas gift to Tony yet, he had no idea what to give to a man who had everything. He shall have it figured out by the next week when he would get Bucky, Peggy, and Sam’s Christmas gift along with Peggy and Bucky’s wedding gift. Steve enjoys Christmas shopping, to look at an item and remember someone, he likes its sensation, though he surely did not enjoy the crowded streets around Christmas week. That’s why he always does his shopping in the first week of December.

Steve looked up to find the grandmother going in with her troublemaker grandsons. Bucky came to his side with a smile on his face.

“You’re good with kids,” Steve remarked. “You’re gonna make an excellent father.”

“That’s kinda scary. Parenthood,” Bucky said. “Peggy and I may want a few years for ourselves before kids come in.” Steve nodded, a smile flickering on his lips.

“You too,” Bucky puts his metal hand on his shoulder. “You would make a good father, too.”

Steve had thought about it before. The first time, when he realized he was gay, people would not talk about LGBT people while he was growing up, so he had to learn a lot more about himself and this community. Then, there was a time in his life that he didn’t want kids at all. The ghost of his father was always surrounding him. Steve didn’t want to make a child unhappy as his father had done with him. Other days, he would walk through Central Park and see happy families playing with their kids. Steve felt pleased by the sight of a homosexual couple doing a picnic with their kids. Out of nowhere, he wanted it again. Throughout the years, Steve had decided that he wanted a family of his own. Someone who would be happy with, adopt and raise a kid together. But he was always wondering, what if he turned out like his father?

The first time he talked about it was with Peggy. The woman had made a list of all the good things Steve does for his neighborhood and friends as proof that Steve was far from being his father. She had pointed out how good Steve was with the kids who would come around and how much fun Steve had brought to a bunch of teenagers in a public school in Brooklyn when he was invited to talk about his career in the army. Yet, she made clear that it was his decision to take.

Does he want it to have kids with Tony? Tony. The thought of his boyfriend’s name was enough to pull out a smile of his. He had watched Tony with the kids in that orphanage, Tony was so good with them, the sentiment was genuine and highly reciprocated by the kids too. Oh yeah, he could picture that. He and Tony, raising a kid. It sounds wonderful. It sounds like a dream.

“You’re not him, Steve,” Bucky pulls him out of his daydream. The dark-haired soldier could read him so well that, sometimes it scares Steve how easy to read he is.“You’d do better than him.”

“I hope so, Buck.”

Steve watched as the tailor accompanied the grandmother to the cashier before he made a sign in Bucky’s direction. The soldier followed the man, and Steve stood behind to give his opinion when required. The two boys held on their grandmother’s arms, the youngest jumping excitedly while the eldest carried the bags. The youngest looked at Steve’s arms and smiled shyly when he realized that Steve was also looking at him. Steve waved goodbye, the boy shyly waved it back before he stepped out in the cold streets of New York.

Steve sat there while the tailor was showing Bucky some of his best suits along with a few recommendations for washing, and all the things. Steve’s phone buzzed in his pocket and Tony’s name popped on the screen.

_ “Hey, I wanna take you somewhere after you’re done doing whatever you’re doing.”  _ Steve smiles lightly reading the text.

_ “Where?”  _ he wrote back.

_ “Don’t you trust me?” _

_ “I do.” _

_ “Then, let’s go. It’s gonna be nice. You’re gonna love it.”  _ Steve smiles wide.

_ “How are you so sure of it?” _

_ “Because I’m the best when it comes to surprises.” _

_ “U r Cock.” _

**_“_** **🤤🥵💦”** Steve frowns before his eyes focus on the word the message he sent, it read ‘cock’ instead of ‘cocky.’

He blushes, quickly correcting himself on the chat. Bucky calls him out, asking which one is the best, the light blue, a black one, or the one Steve would call ugly brown. The black’s texture is amazing, and traditional, on the other hand, the light blue one would perfectly match a wedding during the afternoon, as Peggy and he was planning. Steve points to the light blue, his eyes move back to the cellphone as Bucky exchanges words with the tailor.

_ “Where are you?”  _ Steve types.

Tony sends a pic of a restaurant Steve had heard about before, though he had never dared to enter it.

_ “I’ll be there in 20 min.” _

_ “Too long  _ 😞 _ ”  _ Tony complains. 

_ “Bucky’s getting his wedding suit.”  _ Steve discreetly takes a picture of Bucky.  _ “I’m stuck with him.” _

_ “Boring. But a bespoke suit is much better.”  _ Steve shakes his head, smiling silly at the phone. Steve tells himself to shove the phone in his pocket again, so he could give his attention to Bucky. He would hate if Bucky used his phone while he was making a life change choice, too.

_ Tony is typing… _

Steve looks anxious on the screen.

_ “Hurry up, soldier.” _

-

Steve left the store thirty-five minutes late.

Bucky took a cab back home, saying that he had to help Peggy to organize a few things of his. After the wedding, Bucky would move out to Peggy’s place before they buy their own apartment together, which means that Bucky was putting his things in the boxes and taking a few of them every day to Peggy’s. But, Peggy was at Steve and Bucky’s place now, so she would not stop until they had everything under control. Bucky would have a long clean up day.

When Steve got to the restaurant, it was already lunchtime, so the place was more crowded than usual as people would stop by to appreciate a hot meal and a fresh wine during the season. It wasn’t exactly a fancy place, but the menu was way too expensive for a regular worker. Money was not a problem for Tony, of course.

Steve saw him, sitting in the back, close to the glass where you could watch the cars and NY’s life going on outside. Tony was typing on his phones, a bottle of water almost full on the table. Steve felt guilty for letting Tony wait for so long. Tony looked up with a grin when he noticed Steve approaching.

“Hey,” Tony greets. Steve leaned to place a chaste kiss on Tony’s lip.

He doesn’t even remember all the gossip in the tabloids that made him shiver. If any paparazzi were out there lurking at them, they probably got more photos, Steve could only hope that they were in peace here and that tomorrow there will not be any news. He was aware that Tony’s famous, and Steve was in a relationship with him, then it would happen one way or another. Right now, he just wants to kiss his boyfriend.

Steve pulls a chair and sits down in front of Tony, who’s grinning widely.

“So, you’re not so shy anymore,” Tony comments, his thumb rubbing on his lips discreetly. Steve raises a questioning brow, but he was smirking. “Don’t worry. People will forget that in one week, Steve.” Tony reached for his hand, squeezing it lightly over the table, where any glance could see the gesture.

“I hope so, Tony.”

Tony leans against the chair before Steve has the chance to say anything else Tony’s asking.

“Where’s Barnes? You said he was with you.”

“Oh, he’s organizing his stuff since he’s going to move out soon,” Steve shrugged. “You know, his wedding date is set to January, and it’s almost December, so… he wants to be ready,” the blond explains. “I’m sorry to keep you waiting.”

Tony waved his hand dismissively.

“No need for apologies.”

A waiter appears by Steve’s side, requiring their orders. Steve glances at Tony, not sure of having lunch in a fancy restaurant like that. He did not need to worry, though. Tony had everything under control, he always had. Tony orders, letting Steve decide on the drinking. Tony chooses flavored water, and Tony insists that Steve has to prove the wine the waiter was recommending. Tony wasn’t drinking, and Steve didn’t want to tempt him, but a steady glance of Tony convinces him to get that one.

“Let me guess, you’re gonna be Barnes’ best man in the ceremony,” Tony says, and Steve nods affirmatively. “You two seem very close.” There’s not even a hint of jealousy in Tony’s voice.

“Yes. And I’ve known Bucky all my life, that’s why we’re close,” Steve starts to explain. “Our mothers worked together in the hospital. My mother decided to put me in a new school, and Bucky studied there. He tried to keep me out of trouble,” Steve laughs, remembering when the bullies would come and Steve would attempt to fight them in his scrawny, sick body.

The amount of detention Bucky got in middle school was all Steve’s fault. Bucky defended him, hitting the bullies. Sometimes, both of them would get in detention. Steve didn’t want to leave his best friend alone. In high school, it wasn't very different, but Steve would leave school with a bloody nose, aware of the scolding he would receive from his mother, as well as Bucky. As they grew old, Steve went to college, Bucky picked the Army.

“Right. You don’t seem the type of picking fights,” Tony smirks.

“Only for the right reason. I don’t like bullies. I don’t care where they’re from,” he shrugs. Tony leans, resting his arms on the table.

“I got it. This type of friendship. Me and Rhodey, we’ve met in college. In the MIT. We both studied engineering, but he left right after graduation from the Air Force, and I took over my father’s company,” Tony says.

Steve had heard about James Rhodes before when they were chilling in Tony’s penthouse and the man called. Tony had a picture of his best friend, along with one of Pepper, and another of Peter, the boy he met when they went to the orphanage, above his fireplace. Steve remembered seeing one of Tony’s mother, Maria Stark, as well, but there was nothing about Howard Stark. However, Steve had searched on the Internet and found some articles criticizing Howard’s abuse of alcohol, which had both him and his wife killed in a car accident when Tony was twenty-one.

“Is he still in the Air Force?” Steve asks curiously.

“He is,” Tony confirms. “I don’t think he’ll leave it at all. He’s happy, so I’ll support him. What about Barnes? Is that why you’re enlisted? Because he joined the army,” Tony leaves the words hanging in there, suggestively.

“No. Actually, my father served in the army, even though we never had a good relationship, I felt that I should try. Not for his memory or anything, the man had what he deserved.” Steve takes a deep breath. He doesn’t like to talk about the man who got home drunk, who beat him and his mother for so long before he died in a puddle of his own vomit. Overdose, the doctors had told them. “I had graduated, my mother died months after, and I… I needed to find my place in the world.”

The silence stretching between them. Steve keeps his gaze on his hands.

“Have you?” Steve furrows, looking at Tony’s face. “Found your place in the world. Have you?” The brunet makes it clearer.

“I think it’s,” his voice breaks a little. “More complex than that. I don’t have to find my place, I have to create it. The experiences I had in my time in the army, they--they help me to create it.”

Tony looks out at the window as if he was thinking about what Steve just said. He stood in silence, the minutes passing by until the waiter brought their lunch and drinks.

“How old were you when your father passed?” Tony asked, out of blue.

“Six,” Steve brings the fork to his mouth. Tony only nodded, eerily silent.

“My father drank, too. He used to beat me. Not my mother, thankfully. Only me,” Steve remains quiet, he knew that if he made a sound Tony would stop talking. The man wasn’t the type of opening up to anyone. “He thought of me as a failure, said I could never honor the legacy he would leave. I don’t know,” Tony shrugged, then took a sip of his lemon-flavored water. “He put me on boarding school, so I was never at home, for my mother’s despair. He tortured both of us,” Tony breathes deeply. “He got so fucking mad when he caught me making out with a boy,” Tony laughed, shaking his head. “If it wasn’t for my mother and Jarvis, he probably would beat me to death.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Tony,” Steve caresses the billionaire’s hand with his thumb, a gesture that seems to soothe him a little bit.

“I don’t like to mention it, but… I think you deserve to know… this part of me, too,” Tony takes another sip of water.

Steve straightened up on the chair.

“Well, my father probably would react the same. My mother was cool about my orientation,” Steve admits, flashes of that moment come to his mother. His mother had suspicions, she knew it before he had come out to her. Yet, luckily, she was very acceptive of him.

"Mine’s too.”

Tony turns his attention back to the plate in front of him, and so does Steve. It took long minutes, their plates almost empty before they talked again.

“I’m scared,” Steve says, gaining Tony’s attention. “Of parenthood. I--I don’t want t-to be like my father. I-I--want to support my kid, in all things. A safe place. A home. I-I--” Steve breathes slowly, remembering the breathing techniques dr. Banner taught him. “I don’t wanna be my father.”

“You won’t,” Tony simply said. “We won’t. You said yourself. It is we who create our place in the world. You’re good, Steve. You’ll make it better a place for your kid. I’m sure you’ll be an excellent father.”

Steve nods, his breathing stabilizing.

“Do you want to have kids?” the blond spits out. 

“I didn’t for a while,” Tony confesses. “A lot has changed in my life recently, so, yes. One day, who knows?”

“You, too, Tony. You’re gonna make an excellent father,” Tony smiles and winks at him.

They eat. In silence. For the rest of lunchtime. Tony orders for dessert, and Steve tastes the best chocolate pudding pie he has ever had in his life. Daydreaming about a life where he and Tony raise their kid together, in a loving home.

-

“Where you’re gonna take me?” Steve asks when they leave the restaurant, walking holding hands to where Tony’s car is parked.

Tony has a cocky smile on his face.

“You’ll see it.”

Tony drives, and it’s not a long way from the restaurant. It actually is in the center of Manhattan. An art gallery, Steve realizes while they cross the sidewalk. Steve had attended some art exhibitions before, of course, painting was his passion. Tony knew that, too. 

Tony greets the people while he walks by, holding Steve’s hand, sometimes he would point out someone he knew.

“These artworks are from a friend of my mother. SI supports the event. But I’m not here because of it. I thought you’d like it,” Tony says.

Steve looks around the paintings. The colors bring life to those beige walls. The scent of lavender hits his nostrils as they walk. The sound of rain in the background gives it a magical atmosphere. Liking is not the exact word. Steve was loving it.

“I do enjoy it. Very much,” Steve turns his eyes back to Tony, a grin on his lips. “Thank you,” Steve leans to kiss him. God, Steve could keep his hands on Tony all the time. He wraps his arm around his waist, pulling him closer as he explores Tony’s mouth, their tongues intertwined gently, tasting each other. Tony pulls away to breathe.

“No need for thanking me,” Tony says, running a hand through his black hair. “I’m gonna look for her. The artist,” he explains, dropping another kiss on Steve’s lips before walking away.

Steve looks around. The place is almost empty, sadly. People don’t go often for art exhibitions, and with Christmas at the door, everyone was out shopping. Steve could see plenty of people passing by in the streets, ignoring the painting exhibited there. He thinks that art needs to be more seen in the world. The world needs art for a living, but people are taking their lives more mechanically every year.

Steve walks around. He doesn’t know for how much time. He just walks from painting to painting, reading the description cards there. Observing how the colors play with the light in the room. Admiring them. Steve’s curious about each painting interpretation, he wonders what the artist was thinking while she painted them. What she was listening to, or if she was in perfect silence.

He stops in front of a painting. The flowers blowing backward, the sky was grey in the painting, though free of clouds. The flowers, which Steve can’t decipher the species, were white and purple, showing their large green peduncle. He can smell that garden just looking at the picture. He wonders what it's like to be in a place like that represented there, but he can almost see himself there. The cold wind blowing on his face, the smell of wetland, the sound of bees and other insects around.

“There he is,” Steve snaps his head to find Tony accompanied by an old lady. “Steve, this is Helène.” Steve’s about to stand his hand to shake when the woman put two kisses on his cheeks. Tony smiled mischievously. “She’s from France. She met my mother in college. They were close friends,” Tony adds.

“Oh, we were. Pleased to meet you,” Helène says with a thick accent, giving away her origins. She stops by Steve’s side, looking at the painting. “This is one of my favorites,” she says, smiling at Steve and Tony. “I can’t recall it very well. I’ve been living in the United States for a while now. I was feeling extremely nostalgic about my homeland, and the first memory I had of it was my grandmother’s garden. I used to play among the flowers, imagining I was a fairy or a princess of an unknown kingdom,” she chuckles. Steve can’t help the smile that appears on his face. That’s what he was thinking about. “Roussillon. I should pay a visit there anytime soon.”

“Sounds like a beautiful place,” Steve comments. The woman turns around.

“Oh, it is. I dare say it’s the vegetation and the antiquities that give it life,” Helène smiles.

“Thank you for this exhibition, Helène, everything is beautiful here,” Tony says.

“Thank you for coming over, Tony. I’m really happy for you,” Heléne watches as Tony’s arm is around Steve’s waist. “For both of you.”

“I’m glad to meet you too, ma’am,” Steve says politely.

“Tony said you painted. You should show you work here some time.” Steve blushes adorably.

“I-I-huh, I-be honored,” he stutters, which makes him blush even more.

“He will,” Tony says. “One day in the future, maybe.”

The way Tony talks about it sounds so certain. Steve paints for passion, he has spent a lot of his free time working on his new painting, coloring the thing he loves. Giving a part of him in his artwork. But Steve can not see him exhibiting his paintings in the future, no, this is a dream that can’t possibly come true.

Steve looks to the street through the showcase, he estimates it must be around 04 p.m. by the volume of people growing in the streets. Oh, he spent so much time admiring the works that he doesn’t even notice the time passing.

“Thank you, Helène,” this time, Steve stretches out his hand for a handshake that the woman gladly takes.

“Thank you two for coming,” Helène says with a grin as she walks away towards another woman, her assistant, Steve supposed.

He blinked, then looked down to where Tony was still hugging him. The brunet tiptoed to kiss him on the cheek, making Steve blushes aware of the people around them. Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable. Tony holds his hand.

“I was thinking we could cuddle on the couch tonight,” Tony winks when he says that. “I mean, if we were alone, of course.”

“Right,” Steve said, he looked at his phone, checking the battery in 5%. Damn it. “Bucky probably goes to spend his night in Peggy’s place. So, the apartment is all ours.”

“Good,” Tony pulls him out of the exhibition to the cold air of New York during this time of the year.

They don’t go to Tony’s car, instead, the billionaire faces the crowded Starbucks in the corner. Steve doesn’t ask why, he just sits down and waits for Tony. He checks his phone again only to see that his battery is even lower. Shit. He can’t warn Bucky, though he was pretty sure that Bucky would stay in Peggy’s. That’s the usual between them.

Steve watches Tony in the line. His boyfriend is typing on the phone, his fingers moving with fine dexterity. Steve wonders who’s talking to, though he doesn’t have the right to know. The brunet was probably talking with Pepper, now that she’s the CEO of his company. The line moves, and Steve can’t help but remark that Tony lost a little of his balance as he walks forward, something that he hides very well. Steve thinks of the medical bills he had seen on Tony’s counter the last time he’d been to the tower.

Tony simply rubbed his eyes and shoved the phone in the pocket.

It doesn’t take long until Tony’s coming back with two hot chocolates in his hands. He hands one to Steve.

“Thanks,” Steve says.

Tony shrugged, tilting his head.

“Let’s go, maybe order a pizza on the way to your apartment,” Tony says, and Steve quickly follows behind him.

By the time they reach the car, Tony has had enough of his hot chocolate. They entered the car. Steve plugs his phone into the charger Tony always leaves there.

“I’m going to Malibu next week,” Tony says, hands on the wheel. “Something came up at SI and I have to be there for the board meeting.”

“Okay,” Steve nods. “How long will you stay?”

“A week.”

Steve gulps. An entire week without Tony, only calls, video calls, and texts. Shit. When did he get so attached to the other man? Steve didn’t want to let him go, but he needed to. It’s only a week, he’s going to survive that.

“Okay. So, will you be back for Peter’s play?” Steve asks, remembering that Tony had promised to be there, and Tony doesn’t seem the type who does not accomplish his promises.

“Sure, we’ll be there,” Tony squeezes Steve’s knee, then he throws his phone at Steve without even looking. The phone slips from Steve’s fingers, but he catches it before it hits the floor of the car. “Look on the IFood, get us something to eat.”

Steve acquiesced, leaning against the seat while scrolling down the app. He ordered the same Tony always orders when they’re together. Margherita.

The traffic is crappy, as usual in New York, it was also rush hour, so it was threefold worse than habitual. They spend a lot of time stuck in traffic, trying to drive to Brooklyn. Steve grew up there, but he spends most of his time switching between Brooklyn and Manhattan, so he points out some shortcuts to Tony, as a true citizen of Brooklyn could do. This gladly makes them get there faster than the usual road.

Steve is welcomed with the cold wind in the apartment. Bucky left a window open in the kitchen. He hurries to turn on the heater as Tony makes himself comfortable on the couch, free of his coat and kicking his shoes under the coffee table. Steve was already used to these small habits of his boyfriend.

He throws the remote control to Tony who quickly opens the Netflix on the TV. Before Steve comes to sit with his boyfriend, he plugs his phone into a charge in the corridor. The phone lits up to life, the notifications come when the Wi-Fi connects.

_ “Staying in Peggy’s tonight.” _ Bucky wrote, then sent a picture of him, sticking out his tongue, and a mad Peggy behind him.

_ “Ok. Tony’s here.” _ Steve writes back, surprised when he sees the ellipsis mark that indicates Bucky’s writing.

_ “Please, don’t have sex on the couch, ‘kay?” _ Bucky writes, making Steve blushes with the thought.

_ “U r impossible.”  _ Steve types, locking his phone, not feeling comfortable to read whatever Bucky will write. He knows his best friend very well to know it’s something dirty.

“Hey, you, soldier, c’mon here,” Tony calls from the room, a slice of pizza in his hands.

Steve smiles, and sits there, taking a slice of pizza from the box. Tony snuggles close, and Steve wraps an arm around the short man’s shoulder. That’s it.

That’s how Steve imagines his life from now on. He and Tony snuggled close on the couch, or the bed, whatever, while they watched a movie and ate pizza. Everything seems perfect this way.

Steve had never felt so happy before in his life. Tony came into his life to give back his light.

Tony was his sun. The perfect representation of his painting in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated <3  
> Thank you for reading.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I forgot to update yesterday. Sorry.  
> Hey, here it is.

Steve blinks. He turns on the bed just to face the light peeking through the blinds. Fuck, it’s Saturday, he can sleep a little longer. The weekend was probably the only day of the week where Steve allowed himself to sleep more. Then, Steve snaps his eyes open. He remembers that he hasn’t taken his sleeping pills last night. Oh, no. He hasn’t. Yet, he got probably the best night of sleep in months? Years? He couldn’t tell it.

He remembers being on the couch with Tony, then Tony took a few pills that he hasn’t talked about to Steve yet, and the soldier didn’t want to press him. Tony would talk to him if it was necessary when it comes its time, Steve was sure that Tony would talk. Tony.

Oh, they slept in together in Steve’s bed last night. It wasn’t a big bed like Tony had in the tower, but they managed to fit in. Steve turns to find Tony sat on the other side of the bed. Tony looks at him with a large grin on his face.

“Good morning, beloved.”

Steve could get used to it. To wake up by Tony’s side. To grow old with him. It sounds like something distant, but Steve could visualize all of that happening.

“Morning,” Steve says, rubbing his eyes.

Tony sat cross-leg, staring at Steve.

“So, you’ve been painting,” Tony says, pointing to the many inks spread out in the room, and the… No. No. No. Steve hasn’t finished yet. He hasn’t. Tony was not supposed to see it.

But there it was. The painting of Tony. His sun. The sun lightens up Tony’s traces in the painting. The brunet has his hair tilted a little bit as the light hit him magnificently. Steve hasn’t finished painting it yet.

“Shit,” Steve gets up and throws a cover of it. “You’re not supposed to see it now. I haven’t finished yet.”

Tony laughs.

“Oh God, you haven’t finished yet and it looks amazing. It’s gonna be stunning when you actually finish it,” Tony says, still smiling.

Steve smiles, shaking his head. He climbs in bed, putting a chaste kiss on Tony’s lips before his hands reach for Tony’s belly, tickling him.

“S-S-Steve,” Tony laughs. “S-Stevie.”

Steve stops the tickle, but he keeps over Tony, towering over him. The brunet doesn’t seem to mind it.

“God, I’m an old man, Steve.”

“You’re not,” Steve frowns.

“You wanna kill your old man, Steve? That’s not nice of you,” Tony says with a serious tone, but he’s still with a naughty smile brightening Steve’s day.

“My old man?” Steve raises a brow, liking how it sounds.

“Geez, you only remarked that,” Tony taps Steve’s chest, to get up. “You're a possessive soldier.”

This time, it was Steve who was laughing.

“Yeah, but I’m your possessive soldier,” the blond argued. Tony’s grin widened.

“You fucking are.”

Gladly, Tony comes back to bed, willing to accept all the cuddles Steve has to give. And Steve was willing to give them all only for that short man who changed his life in those weeks. 

Steve pulls him closer, pinning him on the bed while he peppers kiss on Tony’s shoulders and neck. Steve runs a hand under Tony’s shirt, touching those muscles he had photographed so many times. He feels his sweatpants get tighter as he keeps kissing the brunet.

“You should paint more,” Tony mutters between a kiss. Steve bites his lower lip, watching as Tony’s back arches with the teasing. “Show your work--” Tony pants when Steve pinches his nipple. “to the world.”

“Huh hum,” it’s all Steve replies. “You’re right,” Steve mumbles against his neck, his hot breathing makes Tony shiver. Tony helps him to take out his shirt.

“I’m always right, honey,” Tony says cockily. Steve can’t help the smirk that shows up on his pink lips. “I’m serious. Your art is stunning,” Steve catches Tony lips in an urgent kiss, in a way to make Tony shut up. The blond was more interested in other kinds of sounds right now.

Steve slides his hand down Tony’s pants, cupping and squeezing his ass. Tony tilts his head, exposing his neck to Steve’s happiness. The blond drops wet kisses on his neck, bringing the short man closer, placing Tony on his laps. The bulge on Tony’s pants is visible, and Steve feels how hard he is when Tony shifts his weight, rubbing his length on Steve’s abs. Oh yeah, Steve wants to suck him off, he only wants to give his best to Tony. Make him feel so so good, fuck him hard till Tony comes screaming out his name. Oh, the things Steve wants to do--

Someone knocks on the door. He begs to be his imagination, but someone knocks again, and it’s certainly someone knocking on his fucking door while he’s making out of Tony. Fuck. No. No. No.

_ You’ve got to be fucking kidding me _ , Steve thinks.

Bucky knocks again.

“Steve?” Steve looks at the door, spotting Bucky’s shoes through the crack. “Coffee’s ready, in case you want it, or Tony.”

Steve looks down, shaking his head. Why now? Why does he have to call them now? God damn it, Buck. Steve finds Tony giggling with a hand over his mouth while he stands up and gets his shirt on the nightstand.

“Clean the fucking mess you did in the corridor with your dirty shoes, Buck,” Steve shouts back, knowing that his best friend would catch the mad tone in his voice. Bucky laughs on the other side.

“Did I interrupt something?” Bucky chuckles. Steve throws a pillow on the door.

“Yeah, Barnes, you fucking did,” Tony shouted back, suggestively. Steve felt his face flush red. Though, Tony wasn’t lying. Bucky stupidly interrupts them, and now Steve would only see his boyfriend in a week. He had to wait another fucking week till he tries something again.

Steve hears Bucky’s step going back to the kitchen. He sighs in frustration. Tony chuckles, sitting by his side to put on his boots. He rubs his hand on Steve’s thigh, drawing the blond attention back to him.

“We’ll have time when I come back,” Tony says. “There’s no need to rush it, okay? I want it to be good. For both of us.” Tony cups his cheek, leaning to kiss him.

“I know, it’s just,” Steve sighs. “We’ll have to wait an entire week.”

“Not if you come with me to Malibu.”

“I can’t go with you, Tony. I have a job.”

“I know.”

Steve runs a hand through his messy hair, standing up. He feels so frustrated right now. Perhaps for the fact that he has been feeling horny for so long, and now that they got the chance, that none of them is too tired, or headache or something, or has to wake up early tomorrow, then Bucky happens. Life is so unfair.

Tony stands up, gives a soft squeeze on Steve’s shoulders, running his fingertips around his neck and wraps them on the back of the blond’s neck. He tiptoes, catching Steve’s lips in a gentle kiss, tasting his lips.

“It’s only a week, then I’ll be back,” Tony whispers smoothly. Steve presses his forehead against his.

“Okay.”

“I’ll take you somewhere nice.”

“I don’t need somewhere nice, I just need you,” Steve whispers, caressing Tony’s black hair.

Tony smiles, and Steve can’t help but notice the lines that appear next to his mouth. He’s so fucking beautiful. Steve believes he has never dated a fella so gorgeous like Tony. His date list wasn’t so long, Bucky would describe him as picky, but Steve doesn’t give a damn about what Bucky thinks about his sexual life.

“Me too, honey,” Tony says, walking to the door. “I text you when I get there, ’kay?” Steve nods in understanding.

From the outside, Steve listens to Tony greeting Bucky, then the front door closing. He sits back on the bed, rubbing his face. Damn it, he has to treat himself alone now.

Instead of going to the kitchen and taking Bucky’s lame coffee, he goes to a shower. It’s the best he can do for himself right now since Bucky messed up with his plans.

Steve undresses, turning the heated water on and feeling how it makes him relax a little more. He looks down to his hard cock, red and aching for release. Steve wraps his hand around it, wishing it was Tony’s hand, wishing that the hot water was in fact Tony’s mouth around him. Steve tugs his cock, almost thrusting in his own hand. He can only imagine Tony’s callused fingers, from building amazing techs, rubbing him. Tony’s hot breath on his ear, asking him to come, circling the head of his cock with his thumb, taking the drop of precome on his mouth.

He knows how Tony likes to tease him, how Tony would run his hand over his chest, letting Steve starve for contact. His thighs clench as the orgasm builds in him, he feels the warmth on his lower belly. Steve closes his eyes, dreaming of Tony’s mouth on his body, taking him down on his throat, ignoring any gag reflex he may have. Steve sees white as he comes in his hands.

“Fuck,” he mumbles, using the hot water to clean himself. His breath is irregular, and his chest is rising so fast.

Oh, he fucking needed to feel Tony, to bury himself in that spectacular ass. To fill his brunet up, and fuck him till Tony comes untouched. This. This is a need Steve never felt before, he never wished to feel an ass as much as wish Tony’s. The simple thought of having to wait another week until he had him back in his arms was incredibly aching. Steve whines his loss under the shower.

He steps out of the bathroom twenty minutes later to the safety of his room where he gets dressed in comfy clothes, he doesn’t intend to go anywhere today.

“I thought you had died under the shower,” Bucky says when Steve appears in the doorframe. The dark-haired is chewing a peanut butter sandwich with a huge cup of coffee by his side. “So, you had a good night? Not of sleeping, if you understand me.”

Steve rolls his eyes, a habit he’s been taking after Tony or Natasha.

“Shut up, Buck,” Steve opens the fridge, pulling out the milk. He pours coffee in a cup, adding the milk and the sugar.

“What? You two haven’t--”

“Maybe we have if you haven’t knocked on my door,” he’s a little annoyed, and he knows that he should not be dropping all of it on his best friend, but he’s sexually frustrated for now.

“ _ Oh _ .” Bucky realizes. “Sorry. It’s just--it was late, so I thought--” Bucky sips his coffee. “Sorry.”

Steve pulls a chair.

“Not your fault,” Steve blows his coffee, even though it is not so hot anymore. “I’m just horny, and my boyfriend will stay in Malibu for a week.”

“ _ Oh _ . Then, what are you gonna do?”

“I think I’m going to finish that painting.”

“Are you painting again? This is amazing, Steve,” Bucky says, pulling a chair to sit beside him.

“Yeah. What’re you gonna do today?” Steve asks.

“There’s a Dodgers match at 03 p.m.”

Steve smiles.

“Have you gotten the popcorn?” the blond asks because in no fucking way he’s leaving the apartment to get anything, let alone with the snow falling outside.

“Of course,” Bucky replies, also smiling. “Who do you think I am?”

-

Steve finished the painting and now he decided that it was the best thing he could give Tony for Christmas. After all, Tony has all he wants, but a painting of Steve is something original, something he couldn’t buy anywhere, and Steve had seen how those brown eyes sparkled when he pointed out the painting in his room.

For Peggy, Bucky, Sam, and now Natasha, he would have to go shopping later. Tomorrow, he told himself. It was the first week of December and the streets seemed crowder than the last week.

It was Thursday, which meant that Bucky was in Peggy’s, they were still deciding where to get married, and they needed to hurry up. On the other hand, Steve was alone in the apartment, and he had been alone the entire week without Tony here, though they texted every day, and Tony would call every night and ask Steve how his day was. Boring was the most probable response Tony would get. The studio and photoshoots were not the same without him there to cheer everyone up.

Steve has his phone by his side while he sketches what he remembers of the façade of the orphanage he went with Tony, aware that he would be back by Christmas for the orphanage play, also responsible to raise funds for the reform of the boys’ room.

Steve looked at the clock on his nightstand. Tony’s late, he always calls around 09:00 p.m., but here it was 09:13 p.m. and nothing, not even a text. He shouldn’t be this clingy, and he tries not to be, but he would only fall asleep after Tony’s call. Every single night, they would talk about their routines, sometimes about the future, though Steve had noticed Tony skipping the subject more than once. Yet, Tony would talk to him until Steve finally sleeps. Tony was what people like to call a night owl, he would probably spend his free time working in his lab.

Steve goes back to his sketch distractedly. He reminds himself that he should go out tomorrow to do his Christmas shopping. Shit, he leans his head against the headboard, he wishes Tony was there, he wishes they could go out shopping together. He closes his eyes, but he does not want to sleep before talking to Tony, maybe he should call him or at least send a message.

His phone buzzes startling Steve out of his thoughts. There’s a message.

_ “Sorry, just got trapped here. Can I call you? Hope you’re still awake for me, honey.” _ Steve smiles.

_ “Yes, please.” _

Steve’s phone buzzes again, but this time is a video call from Tony. Steve accepts it right away. Tony is currently sitting on his bed, folded to take off his shoes.

“Hey, big guy,” Tony says on the other side, his shirt is unbuttoned and this tie is around the neck.

“Hey. Big night?” Steve asks.

“I just had dinner with the board directors. Boring stuff, but Pepper says it’s good for the marketing,” Steve notices how tired he seems.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, just… miss you.”

“Huh, miss you, too. I’m glad you’ll be back on Saturday, though. Maybe, we can,” Steve swallows, blushing. “Netflix and chill.”

Tony snorts.

“Netflix and chill? Where are you learning that kind of thing, Steve?” Tony pulls the tie away. “I love this program, but I won’t be back on Saturday,” Tony sounds sad, and suddenly Steve’s smiles fade.

“What do you mean?”

“The board is having a bad time in accepting Pepper as the new CEO, I just wanna assure everything is understood here before I go back to New York.”

“Will you be back for Christmas?” Steve asks, he can’t hide the frustration in his tone.

“Yep. Probably before that, I hope,” Tony shifts on the bed, bringing the phone closer. “Sorry, baby.”

Steve sighs, running a hand in his hair.

“It’s fine, it’s just…” the blond huffs.

“You’re horny?”

“Tony!”

“Chill out. You’re horny, baby, it’s perfectly understandable,” Steve can’t help but notice that Tony is holding a burst of laughter before he gets serious. “I just wanted us to be different. To know each other before, huh, having sex. I was serious when I told you you’re not a nightstand for me, Steve.”

“I know, Tony.”

“Baby, can you do something for me?” Steve frowns but nods affirmatively. “Close your eyes,” Tony commands. Steve does what he says. “I want you to touch yourself, giving long and slow tugs.”

“Tony,” Steve says, but he does not open his eyes, he does exactly how Tony told him to.

“Trust me, honey. Just listen to my voice, okay?” Steve nods. “Nice and slow. Yeah, just like that, baby. You’re so good.” Steve pants when his cock is leaking precome. “kay. I want you to circle the head of cock with your thumb, spreading it.” Steve does without questioning. “Good, good. Are you close, beloved? You’re so beautiful panting like that, I wanna hear your moans, sweetheart.” Steve thrust in his hand, his thighs clench, and he feels that warmth on his lower belly. “Hold yourself, hon. Don’t come now, huh. Slow down.”

“Tony, Tony,” Steve moans, unable to hold himself any longer. He needs it.

“Fuck, Steve. You’re perfect, honey,” Steve strokes himself once, twice. “Come for me, baby.” His vision goes dark as he jerks off, holding the phone tighter in his hands. His eyes are half-lidded, and his lips parted in pleasure. “You’re so hot, baby. So fucking amazing for me,” Tony says on the other side.

Steve blinks, looking at Tony on the screen, the brunet had taken his shirt off.

“What the fuck was that?” Steve laughed, he was in fact feeling amazingly good right now.

“Feeling better? It’s me trying to make up for our lost time.”

“So much better, sweetheart,” Steve replies with a wide grin.

“Glad I could be of some use, soldier.”

“You could have better use on my bed.”

“ _ Touché _ . Promise I’ll make up later.”

“You better.”

Steve talked about his not so exciting day, and how Natasha and the whole team were excited for the photos that would be coming out this week. On the other hand, Tony complained about the enterprise stuff he has been dealing with during the week, and how much he hated administration affairs. Steve commented he would go shopping tomorrow, and Tony remembered him to get something for Peter because he was awful when it comes to gifts, Steve disagrees.

He doesn’t remember the exact moment he fell asleep last night. He wakes up with his phone, which battery is at 20% for spending the night not plugged, and a message from Tony.

_ “Sweet dreams, honey. _ ”

Steve smiles, ready for a day of Christmas shopping.

-

The next week passed excruciatingly slow. They still talked every day, and Tony was saying that the board was more inclined to accept Pepper than they were in the beginning, progress. at least. Tony hoped to be back in New York by Friday night, he let Steve know that he had made reservations for a restaurant, so they could make up for the time they’ve been apart.

He was counting the hours to Friday.

Wednesday was supposed to be an ordinary day to him. He photographed some models for coat designs, edited the photos, and he even went to a bar next to the building with Clint, Natasha, and Thor. Clint won a bet against Thor, making the tall blond pay the next two rounds of drinks. Steve was impressed by how fast Natasha managed to drink a bottle of vodka on her own and still go to the dance floor with Thor. Although Steve doesn’t drink, it was a fun night, and Natasha was right, he should go out more often with them.

Steve got to the apartment, finding Bucky put the rest of his stuff in boxes, the blond could hardly believe that his best friend would be married in less than a month, that he would be alone in this apartment. It sounded lonely for a moment. Steve took a shower and was currently drinking a homemade hot chocolate when his phone sounded.

Steve frowned, he wasn’t expecting anyone to call him. Actually, he was, Tony, but it was too early for him to be calling. Steve took the phone, staring at the unknown number for a moment, then pressed it against his ear.

“Hello?”

“Captain Rogers?” Pepper’s voice sounded on the other side. Steve put the hot chocolate on the coffee table, turning down the TV’s volume.

“Miss Potts,” he replied. Steve felt his heart pounds inside his chest, why was Pepper Potts calling him? He voiced his thoughts. “Did something happen? Where’s Tony?”

Pepper pauses suddenly.

“Steve,” Steve knows at that moment that what comes next is not good. “Tony was involved in a car crash at the end of this afternoon.”

Afternoon? Afternoon! Why is he only knowing it now?! He had been having fun, and making jokes at the end of the afternoon with his colleagues, and only now… Steve felt it was hard to breathe like all the air was punched out of his lungs. He felt like his asthma had hit him hard.

“W-what? What--what d’you mean?” he forced out the words.

“I’m in the hospital. Rhodes is here, too. Tony isn’t feeling good now, the drugs are clouding his judgment. I thought you needed to know. I know Tony will hate me when he learns that I’ve told you, but I can’t--”

“No. No. No. I appreciate that. I-I-I--How is he? Is it serious?” Steve stood up, going into his room. He gets a backpack and throws clothes in it.

“He seems fine, besides some bruises and scratches.”

“Did he drink?” Pepper doesn’t answer, and Steve feels his heart sinking. “Has he been drinking Pepper?” Steve asks again, perhaps it was related to the pills he had seen Tony taking the other day in the tower. Steve still had no idea what they were for.

Pepper’s voice is low when she talks again.

“He had a few glasses of champagne a few days ago. I-I don’t know, Steve. I haven’t seen Tony all day today, I have no idea of his state when the accident happened,” She says sincerely.

Steve throws the charge in his bag as he takes a deep, deep breath. That could not be true. Please, it couldn’t be true. If Tony was drinking again… He had promised it. He had fucking promised to Steve that he wouldn’t drink, that he would change!

“Captain?” Pepper’s voice hit him again, and Steve realizes that she’s been repeating his name for the last minute.

“Hm?”

“Would you like me to arrange a flight to Malibu for you?” She offered. He has an amazing job, and he loves what he does, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t sleep if he didn’t check on Tony. He wouldn’t sleep if he didn’t see the man he loves. To make sure that he was safe and sound. That he was out of danger matter-of-factly.

“Yes, please. I’d like very much,” he closes the backpack.

“I’ll text you your flight number,” she said, then silence.

Steve looked at his phone. What had just happened here? He doesn’t notice that a tear was rolling down until Bucky comes into the room.

“Steve? Why are you crying?” his best friend asks, pulling Steve to a cozy hug. “Hey, man, what happened?”

“Tony,” Steve tries to talk past the lump in his throat. “T-Tony, he--he suffered an accident, a c-car crash, I-I d-don’t know,” he stutters, breathing deeply, in and out as Banner had taught him.

“Shit,” Bucky mumbles on his neck, pulling him away. “How’s he?”

“I-I don’t know, I-Pepper said he looks okay, but--”

“What?” Bucky presses.

“I think he’s drinking again,” Steve’s phone chimes, and he looks down to Pepper’s message, that’s when Bucky notices his backpack.

“Where are you going?” the dark-haired asks.

“Malibu,” Steve puts on a shirt, and his brown leather jacket, throwing the backpack on his shoulders. He goes down the corridor, getting his keys on the coffee table.

“Punk,” Bucky calls when Steve puts his hand on the knob. “Call me when you get there, ‘kay?”

Steve nods, facing the cold streets of NY to get to the airport. He can’t help but feel guilty for being celebrated with friends while Tony was… Fuck, he couldn’t imagine that. Yes, he was mad at Tony for drinking again, yet, Steve didn’t have all the details, but he was well-aware that Tony could have died in that crash. So irresponsible. Why does he have to be so impulsive? Why can’t Tony be serious at least once? Steve was mad, but the concern was also consuming him from the inside out.

He stands his hand for a taxi.

-

A 6 hours flight wasn’t in his plans for tonight, though that’s exactly what happened.

He landed in Malibu at 01:00 a.m. Happy was waiting for him just like Pepper had told him that he would be. They greet each other and that’s the conversation they have. Steve sees Happy’s shoulder tenses up when he leaned to turn on the radio, but Steve focused on the road out there, he was not in the mood to talk anything, which Happy thankfully respected.

Steve doesn’t ask where they are going. He’s aware that he would spend the night rolling on the bed because he would only be able to see Tony in the morning.

It’s dark outside to see where the route Happy is following will lead until Steve spots the lights through the glass windows close to the border of an enormous mansion, with a singular architecture. Happy stops in front of the main door, where Pepper Potts is standing talking with someone on the phone. She quickly turns it off when she sees Steve.

“Captain Rogers,” the woman extends her hand for a quickie handshake. “How’s your flight? Tony would’ve preferred if I had sent his private jet, but it’s all a mess right here, I’m rescheduling all his appointments, and I’ve already talked to Romanoff about his state, and you, of course--” Pepper rambled.

“How’s he, Pepper? I mean, how he really is? Please, don’t hide anything from me,” Steve holds her arm, stopping her from going inside.

"He’s… okay. He doesn’t have any severe injury. It wasn’t as bad as it looked, but the doctor rather kept him for observation, because of his--” Pepper suddenly shut, narrowing her lips in a thin line. “It’ll be better if you talk to him in the morning.”

Steve raised a brow but didn’t push further. He would be having a serious talk with Tony about driving and drinking, of course. Steve couldn’t believe Tony had been drinking and not talking with him about it. Steve still couldn’t believe it.

Pepper leads him inside. Steve looked at the view through those big windows, he wondered how it would look like during the sunrise and sunset. The waves crash against the vegetation down there. They go upstairs, all doors closed up there, but Steve was sure that Tony’s room was the one at the bottom of the corridor. Pepper stopped, pushing a door open.

“This is your room,” she indicates. “JARVIS is--well, you probably know who JARVIS is,” Steve nods. “The AI is online. If you need something, Happy and I will be downstairs, you can JARVIS for us.”

Steve nods once more as Pepper turns her back to walk away.

“Is he alone?” he asks. “Is Tony alone in the hospital?” Pepper turns around.

“No, he’s not. Colonel James Rhodes is with him.”

Steve remembers Colonel Rhodes. Tony was always telling stories about his time in MIT with Rhodes, and how they kept their friendship even after college.

“Good night, Mr. Rogers.”

“Good night, Miss Potts.”

He was alone now. Steve throws the bag, shaking the contents on the bed. He knew he could not sleep, even if he laid down just, he would not be able to relax. He needed to see Tony, no matter how much he convinced his brain that he would see Tony in a few hours, his body couldn’t understand it. His shoulders were tense, and a slight headache was starting to make itself present.

Steve walked to the couch next to the windows, observing the sea under there. He caught his sketchbook because if he would not sleep, at least, he would try to distract his mind instead of wondering why Tony was acting so careless again.

-

Steve startles when a voice sounds from the roof.

“Good morning. It’s 07:00 a.m. The weather in Malibu is--” JARVIS, of course.

Steve groans in response, raising his head to realize that he fell asleep on the couch and his neck was aching like hell. Shit. The sketchbook falls from his lap. Steve holds his neck, massaging next to his shoulder to relieve the pain as he walks to his things on the bed. Steve finds a painkiller in one of the pockets in his bags.

A shower. He needs a shower to help him relax.

By the time he comes downstairs, Happy is waiting for him while eating a bowl of cereals. He tells Steve to get whatever he wants in the kitchen, then they can go to the hospital. Happy also lets him know that Pepper was in SI, in case he needed to talk to her. Steve wasn’t exactly hungry, but he hasn’t eaten since yesterday when Pepper called him, so he decides to make a coffee, if he feels hungry, he could eat something in the cafeteria of the hospital.

He makes his way to Tony’s kitchen with the help of JARVIS, that’s also how he found the things he needed to prepare a coffee. For the clean state of the kitchen, Steve’s sure that Tony does not spend much time in here, even in the tower, Tony had plates left to wash.

“Ready?” Happy enters the kitchen. Steve nods, then sip the warm liquid in his cup at once, then nods. He does not want to waste any other minute without news from Tony.

Malibu’s traffic is not the best, even though Happy told him that the hospital was not so far from downtown, Steve felt like he spent hours on the road. The soldier checks his phone for messages, he got one from Bucky.

_ “Everything’s okay?” _ It was sent at 04:45 a.m. The military schedule could screw with anyone's sleeping schedule, Steve knew it very well.

_ “I don’t know. I’m going to the hospital now.” _

He locked the screen, not waiting for another message so soon since Bucky must be at work right now. Steve looked out of the window, he didn’t want to ask Happy if it would take longer, but he was getting impatient. Happy mutters an insult to a driver. It only passes 7 minutes when his phone chimes in.

_ “I hope he’s okay, really. He’ll get better soon.” _ then, the phone buzzed in his hand again.  _ “Kick his ass if he’s drinking.” _ Steve smiled, raising his eyes and spotting the hospital. Happy turned the corner and parked in front of a door.

“Go,” Happy says. “I’m gonna find a place to park, and meet you there.”

Steve acquiesced. The automatic doors switch open when he gets close, and the blond goes directly to the counter. The receptionist's smile. A blonde quickly pulled the red-haired to assist Steve.

“Good morning, sir. How can I help him?” she asked him with a large grin.

“I’m looking for Anthony Stark,” the red-haired gave the other a sour smile while she answered the telephone.

“Hm, give me a sec,” she tapes the name on the computer. “Room 402, eighth floor,” she says, passing a visitor badge to Steve.

Steve hangs it around his neck.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, sir.”

Steve waited for the elevator when Happy reached him with a badge, too. The driver led Steve to Tony’s room when Happy spotted, apparently, Colonel Rhodes with a cup of coffee in his hands.

“Rhodes!” Happy says, drawing the man’s attention to them. James Rhodes stepped closer to them, patting Happy’s shoulder. “This is Steve Rogers,” Happy introduces him.

Of course, Rhodes already knew who he was. The man nodded in response, extending his hand.

“Captain Rogers.”

“Colonel Rhodes.”

“Tony talked about you. He does not know that Pepper told you about the accident. He’ll be mad, but he will like to know you came,” Rhodes says, and Steve nods, unsure of what to say next. “C’mon,” Rhodes tilted his head to the corridor, throwing the plastic cup in the trash on their way. Happy, however, stood in the waiting room “Wait here.” Rhodes says as he opens the door. “Tony, you have a visitor.”

“That’s new,” Steve listens to Tony saying. “Please, tell me it’s not the press. I can’t mentally deal with the press right now. Pepper is supposed to be taking care of it.” Steve walked closer to the door, to peek at the sight of Tony.

Tony is looking at Rhodes, who’s currently organizing the sheets on the couch in the room. Tony’s a billionaire, of course, he would have some privileges. Steve stands on the door frame.

“It’s not the press,” Steve says, immediately, Tony’s head turns in his direction, his eyes widened in surprise.

“Steve?” Tony says as if not believing in what his eyes are seeing.

Steve steps into the room, close to Tony’s bed. Rhodes observes both of them.

“I’m gonna--” the colonel waves his hands, looking for some excuse. “--leave you alone.” Both men ignored as Rhodes walked out.

“Who told you? It was Pepper, wasn’t it? Fuck. I told her it wasn’t serious. No need to all this fuss--” Steve cuts him off with a hug, and a soft kiss on the top of the brunet’s head. “Mmm, it feels good,” Tony says, wrapping his arms around Steve’s neck.

Steve pulls away from the embrace, sitting on the bed.

“How are you?” the soldier asks.

“It’s nothing. Nothing serious. I just have some bruises. That dumb guy hit my car, it wasn’t overcoming the limit speed,” Tony justifies himself. Steve looks to the bag dropping medication in Tony’s veins.

“If it’s only bruised, then why are you still in observation? And the medication?” Steve points out.

He wants to know the truth. This relationship would not work if Tony was lying, and as much as Steve hated the thought of a break-up, he would not tolerate Tony hiding things from him or lying to him.

“It’--I-I--it’s for the pain, and the headache, and--” Tony stutters, rubbing his sweaty hands on the fluffy blanket.

Steve sighs in exasperation.

“Is it true? Pepper said you drank champagne these past days. Why did you not tell me you were drinking again, Tony? I-I,” Steve stands up, rubbing a hand through his hair, and turning his back.

“I-I drank, once, it was only for a toast, I haven’t had anything beyond that glass, Steve. I-I can’t. I can’t drink because of the medication I take, I--” Steve stares him into the eyes. Those honey brown eyes that Steve gave a chance, that he learned to love during these months.

“Tell me the truth, Tony. Just--” Steve gulps. “Just tell me what’s going on. Was it, the accident, because you were drinking? Just tell me, please,” Steve took the calluses' hands in his, caressing Tony’s right hand with his thumb.

“No. I’m not drinking. I told you. It was only once,” Tony’s eyes darted to the window before they stared back at Steve. “I-I--” Steve nods encouragingly.

The truth, it was all he wanted. Tony said that the other driver was who hit his car, so it wasn’t his fault. Yet, Steve needed to know. He needed to know if Tony had been drinking. He needed to know how he could help, but what Tony says next it’s not something Steve can help. He wishes he could, but he can’t. Tony fixes his gaze in those baby blue eyes, his lower lips trembling when the words come out.

“I have a brain tumor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated.  
> Thank you for reading : )


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. I hope you enjoy it.  
> I know we kinda have a plot twist last chapter, but it's gonna be alright.

Those words are certainly not what Steve expected to hear. They were exactly the least thing Steve expected. He stands up, rubbing a hand on his face. Did he hear correctly? Tony was… Then, he remembered the medical bills on the kitchen counter, the regular blue pills, the memory holes, the dizziness and sudden headaches, and now the accident. The accident was caused by a brain tumor Tony has never mentioned.

“A glioma,” Tony says. “It’s considered a low-grade tumor, but it’s inoperable because of its location in my brain. The medication helps to slow its advance. There’s nothing the doctors can do, I’ve consulted the best neurosurgeons in the world,” Steve stares at Tony, kind of expecting him to say it was a joke or something, but Tony’s face was extremely serious. “I’m sorry, Steve.”

“W-why--why didn’t you tell me?” Steve asks.

“I just never thought we would get this serious,” Tony sighs. “I would tell you, I--I just wasn’t sure when--”

“When you were dying, probably,” Steve cuts him off, trying to hold the tears that were threatening to fall down.

“That’s not true--”

“It’s not true that you are dying, Tony?” Steve gave a step forward. “Are you dying?”

“Aren’t we all?” Tony raises a brow.

“This is no fucking joke, Tony!” Steve shouts, incapable to control the anger growing inside him, because if they were in a relationship, Tony should have trusted him. Steve had the right to know, to offer support to his boyfriend, and even though Steve was mad, he still didn’t want to leave Tony’s side, because the truth was that he loves him. He loves that man, and knowing that Tony had been hiding it from him these months, it was not fair.

“Not right away. I-I might have ten years at most, though the average it’s seven years for this type of tumor,” Tony explains.

Steve takes a deep breath, aware of his hands shaking, he puts them in his pocket as he comes to sit on Tony’s bed again.

“How long have you known?”

“Four months,” Tony reaches for his hand. “It started with a terrible migraine till I fell from the stairs after dizziness. Then, memory lapses, and seizures. I hate doctors and hospitals, but I gave in and searched for medical help, I got the diagnosis,” Steve nods, as a kid who grows up sick, he knows what it's like to hate doctors. “I should’ve told you before. I-I just didn’t know how.”

“Who knows?”

“Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, and Natasha.”

“Natasha knows?” Steve asks in surprise.

“We were friends before I started to model for SHIELD,” Tony justifies. “Now, you know, too, and I’d like to keep the circle small.”

“I got that.”

“Aren’t you mad with me?” Tony asks, smirking.

“I am! I’m really mad with you, Tony Stark. I’m your boyfriend, you should have told me,” Steve argues. “But another part of me is also worried, so even though I want to slap you, I don’t wanna hurt you.” The blond smiles softly.

“Aww, that’s sweet. I hope you were not this soft on the bed, Captain,” Tony pats Steve’s biceps.

Steve turns red, his lips narrowing in a thin line.

“How can you think about sex now? You just told me you have a brain tumor, Tony.” Steve says, and Tony shrugged.

“So what? I have to enjoy the rest of my days, right? And if you also want it, I’d like to spend them by your side,” Tony declares.

If possible, Steve blushed even hard, grinning widely, because he wanted it. He would love to spend the next years by Tony’s side. There’s only one answer for it.

“Yes, I’d love to.”

-

They came back to New York two days before Christmas. After Tony’s been discharged, Steve made sure that the brunet would not go work in his lab, or do any unnecessary thing, which for Tony’s frustration included sex. No sexual activities until Tony feel better. The billionaire had complained about headaches the rest of the week, and Steve had witnessed Tony lose balance when they were preparing breakfast in the kitchen.

Steve hadn’t told Bucky about Tony’s tumor, it was not his secret to tell, and he knew that Tony would talk to Bucky and Peggy when he felt it was time. So when Bucky asked if Tony really has been drinking and if that was the cause of the accident, Steve just told him that Tony was fine, and the other driver was actually drunk, not Tony. He hated to lie to his best friend, but he assured himself that he was only concealing the fact for a while.

Back in New York, Steve stayed in the Stark Tower, and maybe he was overprotective of Tony, taking care of him since the brunet hadn’t complained, just said that he was a grown-up man’, Steve kept watch over him. They also didn’t talk about the tumor anymore, though Steve had checked the pills in the kitchen, and apparently, the medical appointments were marked on the kitchen calendar.

On Christmas day, they hadn’t prepared dinner since they would not be at home until later. Tony had promised the boy, Peter, that he would go for the Christmas play. Steve also witnessed Tony’s worry, checking if all gifts for the orphanage would be delivered in time. Steve felt like he fell for Tony, even more, each day. The way his boyfriend can be a jerk, but so soft to the kids and everyone he cares about. Steve was passionate for it, for the amazing man Tony was. He was in love with the real Tony Stark, not the man that the magazines were always gossiping about. Steve felt lucky to get to know the real person Tony was.

“Honey, are you ready?” Steve tucks his head into the room, finding Tony checking putting on his tie.

“Almost there,” Tony replies, his fingers tangling with the knot. Steve chuckles, getting close to fixing the mess Tony’s doing with his tie. “What would become of me without you, baby?” Steve shakes his head.

“You’ll get there one day, honey. Now, ready?” Steve asks. Tony puts his hands on his shoulder, tiptoeing and rubbing their noses together before kissing him.

“Now, I’m ready,” Tony says when he pulls away and holds Steve’s hand.

Steve drives. Since the accident Tony wasn’t clear to drive for a while, maybe he shouldn’t, or he will never be able again, not with a brain tumor on his medical records. It was for the best. Tony still has Happy to drive him around, and in case Happy wasn’t there, Steve would be.

New York was quiet on Christmas night as Steve drove to Queens peacefully, with no traffic, almost no pedestrians, only the Christmas lights shining in the distance while the radio played Christmas carols. Tony was singing low for Steve’s delight.

The former soldier was still absorbing the idea of Tony’s brain tumor, although most of the time Tony seems fine. He takes his pills correctly, so the symptoms come occasionally, and Tony was usually ready to deal with them himself. Yet, the idea of Tony dying in seven years, ten at most, if he was lucky, was a pain Steve wasn’t ready to deal with. When he lost his mother twelve years ago, Steve wished he would never feel such pain again. The despair of being left completely alone in this big world was terrifying. He had felt so lost, he didn’t know what to do back then, though he still had Bucky, who brought him in and helped him to get through his grief.

You lost a loved one, but the world does not stop because of it, so you have to move on. To keep going no matter how much it hurts inside. Life just continues to pass by around you, like nothing happened, like you haven’t lost a part of your entire forever.

Steve just couldn’t think about it. No. If they are meant to say goodbye, if they are meant to have only seven years, then it would have to be enough. Steve was willing to spend the rest of Tony’s years by his side. He would deal with grief later, like everyone, regardless they want it or not.

Steve stops in front of the brick building. Christmas lights now decorated the naked trees, and a Santa Claus’ blinking frame, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas could be seen next to the main door. Cars were parked around the orphanage, making it impossible for Steve to find a nice spot.

“I’ll go in, get our badges, and you find a place to park if that’s okay?” Tony asks, sounding unsure if Steve will agree or not, but Tony’s a grown-up man who has been dealing with a brain tumor more times than Steve. He would not break if Steve leaves him just for a few minutes to park the car.

“Okay.”

Tony smiles, closing the car door and leaning against the window.

“I’ll be waiting inside,” Steve nods. “Be quick, soldier.”

Steve blows him a kiss as he drives away, looking for a place to park. That orphanage surely has a lot of support, Steve thought, seeing the nice cars parked around it. Tony had mentioned something about a guest list to let the staff know who would be going. After Tony’s accident, Steve thought he would stay home and rest, but Tony was resolute in that matter. He had promised the boy, Peter Parker, and he needed to go, because, apparently, Tony Stark does not break promises, let alone those made for a kid.

Steve found a place before the corner at the end of the street, he would have to walk back, but it was better than nothing. The blond locked the car and walked faster, trying not to slip in the frozen sidewalks, a task that he accomplished successfully when he reached the front door. Tony was waiting for him exactly like he told Steve he would be. The billionaire has a badge pinned over the left side of his chest, and when Steve gets close, Tony pins his badge, too.

There’s the noise of someone talking on a microphone into the main area. Steve snapped his head in the direction.

“Oh. Are we late? Please, tell me we’re not--” Steve started.

“Late. We’re not late, honey. That’s just the director of the orphanage talking, let’s go,” Tony winked, reaching out for his hand and leading them to the very same place they went when they’ve been here weeks ago.

The wooden stage was still there, but now it was decorated with lights and a big Christmas tree with a lot of gifts under it. The kids had prepared a scenario with recycled items, and few other improvisations. Behind the big red curtains, Steve could spot heads peeking in as the director thanked all the support for allowing them such a beautiful and significant party for the kids, and all the donations that the people in the surroundings have made.

“Now, I’m honored to present you, the creatures from the small country of Gassel,” the woman says, smiling. Then, a boy with curly hair comes out of the curtains, he pushes the woman's dress. She leaned down to listen to what Peter was whispering in her ear after the boy, strangely dressed in a spider outfit ran back. “Oh, I’m sorry, everyone. I made a mistake. These are the creatures of Gassellanfair.”

The adults smile as the woman leaves the stage, so the first kids can get on the stage. Tony holds Steve’s hand on his lap, and the blond grins, caressing it with his thumb. Then, the show begins.

The play was written by the kids during art and literature classes. The art teacher helped with the scenario and costumes while the literature teacher worked on the script with Peter. The play tells the story of several creatures who live in a small country called Gassellanfair, a fictitious name they’ve created. There were fairies, spiders, werewolves, witches, and a vampire who lived far from all the other creatures, destined to live lonely for the rest of his life in a tower after the war between vampires and fairies years ago. They all lived in peace until a relic of all creatures was stolen. The Christmas’ relic, an object responsible for the union and celebration of all the creatures during Christmas’ day.

The leader of the spider, Peter, conducts a search in the dark woods after they found a suspicious cape left under a rock in the middle of the woods. The spider reunites a group of all the most remarkable creatures in Gassellanfair, a fairy who could see miles away and capable of knowing when someone was lying, a spider with high senses and a web to trap the enemies they were about to face, a werewolf to lead the way following the keen smell exhaled by the cape, and a witch endowed by the greatest powers of her ancestors.

The search leads them to the abandoned, and old tower of the vampire. After an argument between the creatures to decide if it was worth entering a vampire’s space, they pushed the door, finding a large table full of food and Christmas carol playing in the background. The vampire didn’t attack any of them and assumed that he was the one that took the Christmas’ relic, a golden shiny Christmas’ ball. When the fairy asked him why he did it, the vampire affirmed that he had been lonely for decades in that tower, and he didn’t want to spend Christmas alone anymore, and he knew that if he stole the object, someone would come and share a Christmas’ dinner with him. The fairy confirmed that the vampire was telling the truth, and the witch assured that the relic was the original one. Just like that, after fifteen years, all kinds of creatures were sharing a Christmas dinner together again. The moral of the story, no matter what mistakes you’ve made in the past, no one should be condemned to spend the rest of their life alone, and forgiveness was a powerful force to practice during this Christmas.

The kids hold hands and give the public a thankful bow before they run back behind the stage. A beautiful moral, and a lovely play to cheer up everyone’s Christmas night. Then, a Christmas cake was served along with soda cans. The kids exchange their secret Santa's handmade presents among them. They all worked hard during Art classes to make a nice gift for their friends, Steve was sure that they could not keep the secret, though.

Then, Santa Claus came into the scene, sitting on a rocking chair close to the Christmas tree to distribute the gifts. Steve smiles at them, glad to see those orphan kids getting a decent and happy night. This work, this support, needs to continue, and Steve was in awe when he found out that Tony supported other foster care institutions in the U.S., and small businesses, and green projects, and was also responsible for college scholarships in MIT. His boyfriend was amazing, and it was a pity that the magazines could not see it.

“Enjoying the night, soldier?” Tony says, standing by Steve’s side, after talking to some other businessmen he knew.

Steve rests his hand on Tony’s back.

“It’s a lovely night,” Steve says, smiling and blue eyes shining with happiness. “They look so happy. That was probably the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”

Tony smiles.

“Don’t tell Bucky I said it, though.” This time Tony laughed when they were interrupted by a pitchy voice.

“Mr. Stark! Mr. Stark!” Peter came running with a package wrapped in his arms. He stopped in front of Tony. “Look what I got!” He was all excited when he took out a spiderman’s costume, he put the mask on, jumping excitedly while he mimicked spiderman shooting webs.

“That’s a nice costume, kiddo,” Tony said.

“Do you think Mrs. Hart will let me wear this for sleeping?”

“I don’t think so. They’re not pajamas, Peter.”

“You can wear your costume on Halloween, Peter,” Steve explains.

Peter raised his mask, not looking so happy now.

“But Halloween is too far,” the kid argued, sounding distressed.

Steve crouches down to look Peter in the eyes.

“You know what? You’re right. I think we can get you spiderman pajamas on our next visit, what do you think?” Steve winks at Tony. Peter turns his widened eyes to Tony.

“Is that true, Mr. Stark?” Tony nods affirmatively, his smile showing dimples that Steve hasn’t noticed before, perhaps because he often saw Tony wearing makeup for the photoshoots.

“Yes. Maybe shooting webs, too, if you promised you won’t make a mess,” Tony promises.

“I won’t, Mr. Stark. I won’t. I won’t,” Peter hugs Steve, then hugs Tony for a little longer. “I promise.”

“Good. I guess we have a deal, then, huh, little spidey?”

“I’m not little anymore!” Peter remarks, quickly pulling away when another boy calls him. “Thank you, Mr. Stark. Thank you, Mr. Rogers!” he shouts, running back to where the kids are standing on the stage.

“He’s a good kid,” Steve says, observing the boy.

“He is. And you are good with kids,” Tony comments, wrapping his arm around Steve’s. “Can we go home? I’m tired, and all these Christmas lights are messing with my sight.”

Steve places a kiss on top of Tony’s head, ignoring all the judging stares on them.

“Sure, love.”

Steve stops the car in front of the now almost empty street of the orphanage. A lot of people who came to the play left early, probably to spend the rest of Christmas night with their own family at home. Steve leans against the door as Tony is talking to the director, who’s giving Tony warmful thanks before Tony bids her farewell.

Tony passes a hand in front of his suit, straightening up after the awkward hug she gave him. He’s halfway on the sidewalk when he staggers and slips due to the ice freezing again on the ground. Fortunately, Steve is quick to hold him before he falls.

“Oh, my savior,” Tony chuckles, on his feet, though Steve keeps his arm around Tony’s waist for support.

“Are you okay?” Steve furrowed in concern.

“Yeah, I’m definitely okay,” Tony says, wrapping his hands around Steve’s neck.

Steve smiles, pulling him closer, and kissing him. Too focused on his lips on Tony’s, and the warm of their tongues dancing around each other, and the way Tony’s beard scratched his face, and it felt so good. It felt so damn good to have his lover close this way, wrapped in his arms. He didn’t want to wrestle Tony from his arms ever again. He wanted it. He fucking wants to spend the next years by Tony’s side. To take care of him, to assure that he was eating something other than coffee as a meal, and preparing dinner every night while they watched dumb shows, and growing old together, for as long as they could.

“I love you,” Steve allows those three words to slip his mouth, sure of it as he’d never been for anyone else. They could not take them back, nor he wanted it.

Tony grins, and Steve observes the slight dark circles under his eyes, the dimples, the reflection of the lights in Tony’s brown eyes, and then his mouth, opening to say those words Steve didn’t know he wanted to hear until he finally hears it.

“I love you, Steve.”

Steve smiles, leaning down for another kiss, feeling Tony’s smile against his. They pulled apart when the clock of the church nearby sounded loud and clear, announcing that it’s midnight.

“Merry Christmas, Steve.”

“Merry Christmas, Tony.”

-

Steve listens to steps behind him when Tony comes cross-legged by his side next to the pool in the Tower. Steve watches as Tony puts down two glasses and a bottle of fine champagne next to them.

Steve raises a questioning brow, after all, Tony wasn’t drinking anymore. Actually, Tony wasn’t doing a lot of things since his accident, and since Steve found out about the brain tumor thing. Somedays, Tony got annoyed when Steve complained about something he did, though they always make up later.

This was probably the first new year evening he would not spend with Bucky and Peggy. His friends already had everything done for their wedding in four days. Those five days between Christmas and New Year weren’t too busy, though Steve had done a newborn photos session for Peggy’s sister who gently asked him if he was free to take a few pictures of her niece. Bucky and Peggy would celebrate Christmas in their new apartment, and Steve had chosen to spend it with Tony, it was an obvious choice for him. Also, he didn’t want to leave his lover alone when Pepper and Happy were together in Malibu, and Rhodes would stay with his old mother after being back from the US. Air Force.

“What? It’s just for the toast!” Tony said in his defense. “It’s just a glass, we don’t have to drink the whole bottle.”

Steve sighs.

“Okay,” Tony snuggles closer to his warmth, and the blond gladly wraps an arm around him. “How long now?” Tony lit up the scene screen.

“Two minutes,” the brunet looks around, standing up so quickly that Steve feared he’d lose balance. “Wait! I forgot something.” Tony goes inside, letting the phone beside Steve. The soldier looks at the screen.

“One minute, baby.”

“I’m here,” Tony says, running back with a box. Steve frowns when Tony kneels at his side, when he opens up the box, showing those sweets. Those sweets were responsible for all of it. “I bought some, ‘cause…” Tony shrugs, but it’s clear he recalls that date as fondly as Steve does.

Steve takes a chocolate éclair from the box, giving it a bite.

“It’s still as good as I remember,” Steve says.

Tony takes the champagne bottle, pouring two glasses, he hands one to Steve when the fireworks explode into the dark night far from there, but the view is magnificent with all the colors showing off in the sky. They toast.

“Happy New Year, honey,” Tony says, leaning against Steve’s chest.

“Happy New Year, sweetheart,” Steve sips the champagne, noticing that Tony had poured just a tiny bit for himself.

Tony gives one more sip, putting the glass aside, as he turns to look at Steve who takes one more sip before putting the glass with the rest of the content aside. The champagne is really great, but Steve has something that gets his attention more than anything else in the world.

Tony puts his hand on the back of Steve’s neck, pulling down to kiss him, which the man gladly does. It begins as an innocent kiss until Steve starts to pepper kisses down Tony’s neck, pulling him so close that Tony is in his laps, his legs wrapped around Steve’s waist. Steve smashes their lips together again while his hand goes under Tony’s cotton shirt, finding the small scar on the billionaire’s chest. The scar Tony has never talked to. Steve is aware of his cold fingertips on Tony’s skin, which makes Tony squirms from the touch before the heat of his skin warms Steve’s fingers.

Steve lets out a moan when Tony bites his earlobe, kissing his jawline, the funny feeling of the beard against his face that Steve loved since their first kiss. Tony, however, is naughtier than he thought. Steve pants when the other man squeezes his ass. Tony chuckles, and Steve gets his revenge when he bites Tony’s shoulder softly.

“We should take this inside,” Tony pants in his ear.

“Are you sure?” Steve looks into Tony’s eyes to see the lust that he knows his own is showing. “Are you really sure? What about the medical--”

“Fuck the medical recommendations!” Tony shouts. “I wanna have sex with my boyfriend, plus I promised you before all of that happened, and I’m fine Steve. I’ve never been better in my entire life,” Steve giggles, kissing his cold nose.

“Okay. Okay, do you have lube?”

“Do I look like someone who does not have lube around, Rogers?”

Steve smiles, squeezing Tony’s cheeks tight as he stands up with Tony’s wrapped in him.

“Oh, I might have developed a strength kink right now,” Tony holds on Steve’s broad shoulder for a kiss, and the blond kicks everything that’s on their way to the bedroom.

Steve pulls out Tony’s cotton dark-blue shirt in the corridor, as the man unbuttoned Steve’s white shirt. Tony rubs his hard cock against Steve’s abs, eager and pleased for any kind of friction he may get.

“Can’t wait to be inside you, baby,” Steve whispers when they broke another kiss.

“Fuck, Steve,” Tony gets rid of Steve’s shirt when the blond reaches the door. “Fuck, I--I--,” whatever Tony would talk was lost when Steve dropped him upon the bed, topping over him, as they exchange saliva in another hot, passionate kiss that was becoming more urgent each minute.

Tony’s hands work to unbuckle off Steve’s belt, sliding into the soldier’s pants, rubbing the front of Steve’s boxer where his cock is hard, aching for contact. Steve shuts his eyes tightly, hissing when Tony squeezes him lightly over the tissue, he can’t help but thrust against his hand, longing for more. Steve pulls off Tony’s pants, throwing them somewhere on the floor that he doesn’t care about.

Quickly Tony’s boxer joins the other clothes. Steve wraps his hand around Tony, giving a few tugs in it, watching the red cock fully filled where a drop of precome lays on the tip. Steve takes it on his finger bringing it to his mouth, watching through half-lidded eyes that pair of brown eyes glowing with lust. Tony grasps the sheets when Steve takes him into his mouth, arching his back as Steve tongues play with him and cupped his balls with a firm hand.

“Jeez, S-Steve,” Tony pants, fucking Steve’s mouth until he pulls it out with a ‘pop’ sounding in the air. But Steve hasn’t stopped there, he kisses Tony’s chest, covering the tiny scar with wet kisses before traces Tony’s lips with his fingers.

“Suck it,” Steve commands, pushing his fingers through Tony’s lips.

The billionaire obeys without questioning. He sucks Steve’s fingers running his tongue around each one, biting them lightly until Steve is satisfied. The blond gets one of the pillows on the king-size bed, turning Tony around on it while he sucked the skin on Tony’s shoulder, gripping Tony’s waist carefully because the last thing he wanted was to hurt Tony or see bruises on him tomorrow morning.

Steve smiles naughtily when he bites one of Tony’s buttcheeks, chuckling when the man squirms on the bed. He drops a kiss over the bite. Steve pulled them apart, glancing at the puffy, pink butthole, he circled the ring of muscles with a wet finger. Tony twitches his finger toes with the teasing.

“Just--s-stop teasing,” Tony pants, raising up his head to look at Steve.

The soldier presses his body against Tony’s back, aware of his length laying between Tony’s cheeks.

“Where’s the lube?” Steve whispers provocatively in the brunet’s ear.

“Nightstand,” Tony raises his index finger to show up the drawer.

Steve stands up, opening the drawer to find not only a bottle of lube but other more interesting things in it that they really should try later. Not today, though. Today, he only wants to feel good and make Tony feel good too. Steve pours lube in his fingers, rubbing the slickered content between his fingers, warming them up as he takes off his boxers. Sure that his eyes were shining with lust and desire while Tony watched him taking his cock in his hands, tilting his head with pleasant sensation and attention his cock was receiving.

Steve had other worries, though. He leans over Tony, staring as Tony closes his eyes when Steve puts a soft, sweet kiss on his temple before he gets behind him. He pushes a finger in Tony’s hole, first the tip, as the other man opens up to him, then the knuckle until he feels the man adjusting. Steve caresses Tony’s thigh with the other hand, when he inserts another finger, with two fingers inside him, Steve starts to scissoring him, thrusting his in and out, brushing past the rim. Tony’s moan is muffled by the sheets, then he whines when Steve pulls the fingers out, leaning over Tony and pulling away the hair stuck on his forehead.

“I wanna hear you, sweetheart,” Steve says, this time pushing in three fingers.

Watching as Tony opens up so nicely around his fingers, wondering how Tony will feel around him, eager to fill him up entirely. Tony lets out another moan, this time louder than the first one, and Steve’s sure that his fingers hit the sweet spot inside of him.

“G-good, Steve, fuck…” Tony breathes in. “T-there, right there, honey,” Tony encourages him.

Steve pulls out his slickered fingers, pouring more lube in his hands and rubbing his cock with the warm content.

“Hon’, I fuck need you,” Tony says, wrapping a hand around his cock, fighting against the urge of stroking himself. “I really need you,” Steve smirks.

“What do you want, Tony?” He asks, kissing the billionaire, and seeing the lust behind those thick eyelashes.

“Your cock in my ass, now, honey,” Tony is straightforward. “No teasing, I’m se--” A loud Oh comes from that arrogant mouth when Steve pushes the head in.

He slides a little more inside of Tony, waiting patiently for the man to adjust to his length until he’s fully in, and sank in Tony’s hole to the base. Steve thrusts in once, meeting Tony’s ass motion.

“Fuck. Fuck, sweetheart. Fuck, you’re so tight, baby,” Steve pants, thrusting in again before pulling out and sank in the hot, tight, welcome hole. He thrusts slowly, enjoying the motion and the feeling of his lover around him. Steve had dreamed about it, but those dreams could never manifest the emotions flowing inside him right at this moment.

“Hard,” Tony mumbles, and Steve obeys because he needs it.

He needs to fuck Tony shamelessly, listen to the sounds of his balls against Tony’s ass, while he presses his fingers on Tony’s hips so hard that he’s sure that will be marked tomorrow. Steve grips the sheets instead before he pulls out of Tony, receiving complaints and whines from the small man.

“I want you to ride me, baby,” Steve says, pulling Tony close.

His legs lax as Tony sinks in Steve, the blond guides his cock to his boyfriend’s hole. They both moan, when Tony wraps his legs around the blond, appreciating the mind-blowing feeling of being deeper than ever inside of Tony. Steve thrusts up, meeting Tony’s hips in each thrust. The brunet grasps Tony’s shoulder as he bounces his hips, tilting his hand with the eminent pleasure building in him.

Steve takes Tony’s cock, aching for attention, in his hands, rubbing his slickered hand up and down. Tony mumbles something whose Steve’s not too aware of now, but it sounds like ‘so fucking good.

“Oh fuck, Steve,” Tony tucks his head in Steve’s neck. “Keep going there, honey.” Steve thrusts up against Tony’s sweet spot. Steve moans, feeling the heat in his belly growing with each thrust.

“Damnit, I’m so close,” Steve mutters.

However, Tony comes first, spilling his hot seed on Steve’s abs, his hole clenching tight around Steve’s cock, and from there it doesn’t take long for Steve to come inside of Tony. Spilling his seed inside of the tight hole, filling him up. Their bodies stick together because of the sweat and Tony’s come.

It just feels so fucking amazing. Steve could feel his head spinning with the number of different sensations his body was in. He was in blissful awe.

Tony presses his lips on Steve’s forehead. The soldier opens his blue eyes, he hadn’t even noticed he had closed them, to be welcomed with warm brown eyes full of love.

“I love you,” Tony smiles, standing up and throwing himself on his back on the bed.

Steve lays on his side, propping up with an elbow to stare at his beautiful boyfriend.

“I love you,” Steve says back, certain that he would never get tired of saying those three words to the man of his life.

Steve snuggles close. Tony puts a hand behind Steve’s neck, pulling him to a kiss full of passion. Steve keeps kissing him, peppering kisses on his shoulders and chest. He hovers on the scar in the middle of Tony’s chest, the skin there looks too sensitive, and Steve’s afraid for a second until he glances at Tony who nods affirmatively, though Steve does not make more than brush his lips over it.

Steve fluffs the pillows before going to Tony’s ensuite and takes a wet cloth to clean up Tony’s come on his abs, then gently works in cleaning up Tony’s thigh from where Steve’s come slipped from the brunet’s ass. Once cleaned, Steve immediately goes back to the bed. Tony gets himself comfortable on Steve’s shoulder, the blond wraps an arm around the billionaire’s waist.

Steve kisses the top of Tony’s head before the man turns around, resting a hand on Steve’s chest while he starts talking.

“You know, it doesn’t hurt anymore,” Tony looks down his chest, tracing the scar with a finger.

Steve pursued his lips, not sure if he should ask again what happened since Tony told him that he would know when the time comes. It seems like that time was today because Tony starts talking again.

“Got caught by terrorists during a weapons presentation in Afghanistan. Well, we discovered later that someone paid them to kill me. A missile blows up next to me, they operate me in a dirty cave in the middle of nowhere to take out the shrapnel,” Steve remains in silence, afraid that if he moves Tony would stop talking. “Well, I caused an explosion in the place they kept captive for three months. Luckily, the Air Force was quick. Rhodey…” Tony’s voice breaks a little. “He never gave up on finding me. I’m alive because of him today.”

“When was it?” Steve speaks for the first time in those endless minutes.

“2008.”

“I was serving in Afghanistan at this time. I’ve never heard of this case, though.”

“Yeah, S.I. board directors didn’t want to spread it to the public.”

“I’m sorry it happened to you, sweetheart,” Steve says, taking the hand from Tony’s chest and pressing his lips on it.

“Bad things happen to me all the time,” Tony replies with a sad smile on his face. “You were the only good thing of the train wreck I am.”

“From now on, only good things will happen,” Steve promises.

When Steve woke up in the morning, everything looked silent. The first day of a year is always the most silent one. Steve hums, looking for Tony’s warmth on the bed, only to be welcomed with cold sheets. Steve sits up, rubbing his eyes. The sun was bright and high in the sky, but it doesn’t seem to be too late. Steve forces himself out of the comfy bed to look for his boyfriend. He finds Tony laid on the couch, a pen and a small agenda in his hands.

“Hey, soldier,” Tony straights himself up, patting on his side. Steve leans in to give him a kiss of good morning.

“Whatcha doing?” Steve asks, his voice husky from the sleep.

“A bucket list,” Tony replies without hesitation or any joke in his tone. Steve lays his head against Tony’s shoulder.

“What do you have so far?” The soldier asks curiously and definitely, sounds a little more awake now.

“Going to the Lollapalooza.”

“You’re too old for that,” Steve chuckles.

“Ouch.”

Steve raises his head to see that Tony is talking seriously.

“It’s not what I mean, you know it,” the blond says defensively.

Tony just shook his head, laughing.

“Well, let me continue. Have a picnic.”

“How could you never--?” Steve waves a hand. “You know what? Nevermind. When the summer comes we’ll have a picnic in Central Park.”

“That’s why I love you,” Tony smiles. “Watch the sunset in the Grand Canyon,” when Steve doesn’t say anything, he continues. “Camping.”

“You’re gonna hate it,” Steve comments, gaining a roll of eyes from Tony before he goes to the next topic of the list.

“Make s’mores,” Steve hums. “Ride a gondola in Venice.” Steve laughs. “Surf in Australia.” Steve raises his head.

“You’re fucking crazy. Put that in the last space otherwise you’ll die without accomplishing the others,” Steve says, making Tony laugh. God, he loved the sound of Tony’s laughter.

“Have a kid,” Tony shifts to stare at Steve’s face. “I know we’ve talked about it and you--”

Steve grins probably the largest smile he had already meant for someone.

“I want it,” he says. “I want it with you.” Steve kisses him.

“Oh,” Tony says. “Okay. Great. That’s--great, Steve. I-I, huh, the last one,” Steve peeks over his shoulder.

“Make Steve happy,” Steve repeats the last item of Tony’s bucket list. “Sweetheart, you already make me happy.”

“Do I?” Tony looked suspiciously, not sure if he believed it or not.

“You do.”

“‘Kay, but will I make you happy in six months? A year? Five? That’s something to think about.”

Steve smiles.

“You will, sweetheart. You will,” Steve reassures him, holding his hand and pulling him out of the couch. Steve wraps his arm around Tony’s waist, sniffling in his neck from behind. “Bed is comfier, let’s go back.”

Tony laughs but doesn’t argue against it.

The following two days were a nest of love. Tony was determined to make up for their lost time, and so was Steve.

-

Bucky was pacing back and forth in the room, straightening his suit every two seconds. Steve was smirking at how nervous his friend is, but he was sure that he would also be nervous if it was his wedding. Well, Steve couldn’t wait for his wedding, but he still needed to propose.

Not that he was nervous Tony would say ‘no’, because he was sure Tony wouldn’t, right? Right.

“You look like you’re gonna throw up,” Steve says. Bucky stops, looking at him.

“I feel like it,” he says before walking around the room again.

“We should go. Everyone’s waiting, and Peggy is close to getting here.”

“Just another fucking minute, Steve.”

“Language.”

“Fuck you,” Bucky suddenly stops. “Did you buy the ring?” Steve smiled, pulling a box out of one of his pockets.

Bucky looks to the silver ring, smiling satisfyingly.

“I can’t believe you’re gonna propose at my wedding day,” the dark-haired soldier shakes his head, amused. “He’s a good man, Steve.”

Since he bought that ring, he wondered if perhaps it wasn’t too soon. They've been dating for what? 3 months at most, but Steve felt it was longer. He knew in his heart that he was right. That Tony was the right one.

“I know.”

Bucky smiles, taking his phone from the pile of clothes on that couch. His eyes widened.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked, trying to peek through his shoulder, when Bucky passed the phone to him, sitting on the couch in that fancy place he and Peggy paid together for the wedding.

Steve read the message. No, not a message, a screenshot from Tony of two plane tickets to the destination Peggy and Bucky had decided months ago. Down there, a message saying ‘My wedding gift. Good trip. Enjoy it.’

Steve smiled. It sounded just like Tony.

“I can’t fucking believe he paid for our honeymoon,” Bucky says, jaw dropped.

“Well, I’m not surprised,” Steve replies, fixing his tie.

“Did you know?”

“No,” Steve looks to the clock on the wall. “We better get going.”

Bucky huffs but follows Steve out. The place is full. Peggy is someone who has a lot of contacts, so most of the guests were hers while Bucky only had a couple of friends and no family. Steve winks at Tony from the altar. The musicians start to play the traditional bridal march.

Peggy is led by her father, dressed with fancy suits and medals on the left side of his chest. Her smile is bright through the aisle. Her father hands her to Bucky who thanks him. Steve can’t help look at Tony, catching his gaze on him, too. God, he’s going to propose! Even though it’s Bucky and Peggy’s wedding, he can’t stop thinking about it.

Minutes pass by him quickly, the next time he blinks the justice of the peace is saying that Bucky can kiss the bride before everyone applauds them.

Bucky and Peggy walked down the aisle to where the party was waiting.

Steve looks for Tony among the crowd when he catches him talking with Sam and Hill in the corner. Tony is good at socializing and getting to know people. Steve slides to his side, wrapping his arm around him. Tony smiles, reaching over for a kiss.

“Hey, man,” Sam taps his shoulder. “I’ve heard you’re gonna be the next.” Sam points his chin to the altar.

Steve chuckles.

“Well, I’m not the one who caught the flowers,” Steve says making reference to the bouquet in Maria Hill’s hand. The woman just rolled her eyes.

“I’ve had enough of this one here,” she elbows Sam. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Tony. Steve is oblivious about his friends sometimes.”

“That’s not true!” Steve replies, but Tony’s smiling.

“Yeah, he is. I hope you can remember him to text his friends sometimes,” Sam says, patting Steve’s back, following Hill outside.

Tony laughs. Steve looks in the direction his friends and the other guest went. There was only Tony and him left here.

“That’s not true,” Steve argues once more.

“It is. You always forget to reply,” Tony insists. The brunet pulls his arm. “Let’s go.”

They head outside, crossing the now frozen garden to the big room decorated with flowers, and thankfully, warm. Steve greets a few acquaintances as they pass, some looking surprised and staring at the man by his side. Well, Steve would let them be even more surprised today.

They find a place to sit down. Bucky and Peggy were dancing and people were joining around them. Steve can only wish that he was as much a good dancer as Bucky, so he would gladly conduct Tony to the dance floor. He’s sure Tony’s a good dancer.

“Are you okay?”

Steve turns his head to see worried brown eyes on him.

“Yes. Yes. Just thought I’d love taking you to dance,” Steve admits.

Tony, however, stands up. He pulls Steve up.

“What are you doing?” Steve asks, blushing.

“Taking you to dance.”

Tony pulls him to the middle of the salon. Steve tries to ignore all the gazes on them. He wraps an arm on Tony’s waist, but in truth, it’s Tony who is leading both of them.

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” Steve says, looking down to his shoes, watching his steps. “I’d hate to step on your foot.” Tony puts his hand on his jawline, lifting his chin up.

“Look at me, soldier.”

They swing to the melody until Steve feels more comfortable, now not giving a damn to anyone who might stare. He feels the little box heaving on his pocket, and after two dances, Steve excuses himself to talk to Peggy. He waited as friends talked to the bride and groom. Steve hugged Peggy.

“You look beautiful,” he says, smiling.

“And you look happy,” Peggy replies, with a large smile shining on her face. “I’ve never seen you this happy before. So, when are you going to do it?” Steve blushes, knowing very well what she’s referring to.

“Can I do it now?”

“Absolutely, pal,” Bucky says.

Steve takes a deep breath, walking to the simple stage there where a DJ was playing an electronic song now. Something Steve never thought he would hear in Peggy’s wedding, he was sure it was all Bucky. Steve gently asks the man to turn down the song because he has an announcement to make. The DJ gently hands him a microphone. Steve blushes when he turns back and sees everyone’s eyes on him. God, he hates public speaking.

“Huh, hey, everyone. I-I’m Steve Rogers, some of you may know me or not,” Steve shrugged, trying to swallow down the lump on his throat. “I’d like to congratulate Peggy and Bucky for this happy day of their life. You’re a tough one, Peggy,” Steve jokes, making everyone laugh while Bucky shouts a ‘hey’. “Well, I’d like to make a--huh--I’d like to say a few others to that man right there,” Steve points to Tony who’s a little close to the stage, standing next to where Bucky and Peggy are. Peggy gives a light squeeze on his arm. “Tony Stark, I-I--God, I don’t know how to do it,” Steve chuckles in embarrassment. “Tony, you came into my life at a tough moment. I was hopeless and lost. Then, I saw you. Well, on a magazine at first,” laughs the crowd. “And you looked a complete asshole on that cover, but then you pay me for a coffee, and I-I want to get to know you. And I was right you’re worth knowing. Thank you for letting me in.” a few ‘awn’ could be heard. “It all happened so fast between us, but I feel like I’ve known you for so long. And I want to share the years we have left with you. I want everything with you, Tony.” Steve breaths in. “Tony Stark, will you marry me, honey?”

A gasp from the crowd. Steve wasn’t able to look away from Tony, he followed each step the brunet gave until he’s on the stage, stopping by Steve’s side. He takes the microphone from his hand. Tony cupped his cheeks, pulling him down to a kiss, and the crowd cheered with the public affection of two lovers.

“Only if you accept to marry me first,” Tony says, opening a similar little box. Steve felt the tears pricking in his eyes, he leans in to speak in the micro.

“I do,” Steve replies.

Tony grins widely.

“I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the epilogue.  
> Kudos and comments are much appreciated. <3  
> Thank y'all for reading!


	10. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a busy day and I ended up forgetting what day of the week we were. Here it is.

Steve looks to that list on their nightstand. The bucket list with all points crossed, except the last one. It doesn’t look fair. The goal of doing a bucket list is to cross them all. He caresses the yellow paper with his thumb.

Tony should be here. He should be here to see it. After all the years he had supported Steve, he should be here. Steve feels a tear rolling down his face.

It’s been two years.

Two years that Tony’s gone, and Steve had missed him all the 730 days without him.

He knew that Tony would not want him crying over him. He would want Steve to go on, raise their kid and be happy. Do what he loved for the rest of his life. He had reassured him of that, passing all his fortune to Steve in the testament.

Yet, eight years of pure happiness, some arguments, and a few obstacles, don’t look enough. Oh, how Steve wished they could have grown old together. Dying at the age of 42 doesn’t look correct, but there was nothing any of them could do to stop it. Nothing they could do to stop the tumor from growing and take Tony’s life.

Steve was grateful, though, for those eight best years of his life.

He had visited Tony’s grave in the morning, talked to him, told him how much he missed him and how much he wanted him to be here today. For what seems to be the most spectacular night of his career. A career that Tony helped him through. Tony deserved to see it. To be by his side and celebrate that with him, as he had done with each small painting Steve did.

He gave Steve the world, which Steve retributed with love and affection.

A knock on the door made Steve look back slightly, glad for the darkness in the room to hide his tears.

“Dad? We have to go.”

Yes, they do.

“Wait with Happy, huh?” Steve says. “I’m going down in five minutes.”

But he didn’t hear the steps walking away, instead, the door was opened a little, allowing the light from the corridor to peek in.

“Dad, you okay?” Steve sighed, then nodded. He wasn’t okay.

His heart would never be whole again. Shattered.

Peter gave a step forward.

“I miss him, too,” the teenage boy said.

Steve remembered years ago when Tony shared that bucket list with him and read out loud the item. Have a kid. Peter was the first kid who came into his mind when he heard the words, and he was sure that was the first to Tony, too. Steve smiles sadly remembering the day they got the adoption papers and brought Peter home. He would never forget the kid’s smile or the love he was able to see in his husband’s eyes.

They raised him. They raised an amazing fifteen-year-old teenage boy. Peter reminds Steve a lot of Tony. He had taken so many pictures of those two workings in the lab. There were pictures all over the house. Pictures of Peter, of Tony, of all of them together, and of course, pictures of their small wedding on an island Tony owned. Steve still gets impressed every time someone recalls him that they own an island. It looked too much. But Tony was the one to blame for all the luxury they lived in.

Steve looked up to the painting of Tony in their room. Their, never his. Their room, their house, their kid. He stared at the first picture he painted after coming back from the Army after Tony had come into his life. Showing him that he could be loved and cherished. Telling that he would make a great father. Praising how talented Steve was every time the blond finished a new picture. Tony has never been wrong about any of it.

And if Tony were here, he could kick his ass for being late for his exhibition. Or maybe Tony would delay him even more for a quick sex. Steve chuckles.

“Dad?”

“Just five minutes, okay, kiddo? I promise,” Steve says.

“Okay.”

He listens to the steps in the corridor. Steve looks down to the paper in his hand, noticing that a tear had dropped, wrinkling the paper.

Steve opened a drawer, pulling out a black pen. He looked at Tony's handwriting, then sighed. Steve crossed the last item of the list.

~~ ‘Make Steve happy.' ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe some people might be disappoint by this end. I wasn't certain about it, as I wrote this fic I was always wondering if I should change the end, because that was what I was planning since the beggining. I decided that I'd stick at this end. After all, death is something that we are all affected, and no matter how painful it is to live without our loved one, it's still worth. It's hard, but life keeps going and we have to move on with this pain inside our chest.  
> Well, kudos and comments are appreciated.  
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
